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Pregnancy

Anyone taken their DC (S) to their 20 weeks scan?

40 replies

McDreamy · 30/09/2008 15:13

DD has an appointment half an hour before my scan at the same hospital on Monday so she will be attending my scan with me (and DH). I don't think it will be a problem but just wondering if anyone else has done this.

OP posts:

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thehouseofmirth · 06/10/2008 13:39

I was going to post to ask about this too. I have my 20 week scan on Thursday and the plan is for me, DH, DS (who is 3)and my best friend all to go to hospital but for DS to wait outside in corridor with my friend for them to do the scan and all being well for him to pop in and have a quick look at the end. Is this frivillous? I would love him to have the chance to look and we won't be able to afford a private scan to take him to but I am also worried we'll be given bad news, though I guess if he's not in the room with us then it's not such an issue.

LUCIA22 · 06/10/2008 13:05

I checked with my midwife before my 12 week scan & she said it would be fine to take DD (16 months) with us. I wouldnt have been happy for DH not to be able to be there. I agree that it could be difficult if a problem is found but the chances are that it will all be fine and I fully intend to take DD to the 20 week scan also. I would check with the midwife what the policy is, mine agreed that it was good for them to be involved but if she had said that they preferred children not to be there then I would have tried to sort out a babysitter for her.

bogie · 06/10/2008 09:16

I took ds (2) and he loved it

McDreamy · 06/10/2008 09:14

Thanks for all your advice. We decided to take her and it was all fine. No problems with the scan, we did know the sonographer (very well) so that made it really special. He talked to DD all the way through, gave us loads of pictures and then let DD choose 2 photos to take back to school with her to show her class.

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BigTeuchLittleTeuch · 01/10/2008 12:57

I don't know if it makes much difference but I thought I should point out that I have been on the receiving end of a bad scan diagnosis, albeit at 12 weeks and not 20.

I was still happy to take DS to my more recent scans particularly, as in McDreamy's case, I had no other options!

All the best McDreamy.

McDreamy · 01/10/2008 09:18

Thanks fourcarms - no unfortunately not! I'm home in 4 weeks for good so baby will be born at Stoke Mandeville!

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FourArms · 01/10/2008 07:32

Congratulations by the way (I was previously Laura032004) Will the baby be born at TPMH?

FourArms · 01/10/2008 07:31

DH, DS1 and my MIL were there at DS2's 20 wk scan. In retrospect it was a bad idea as DS2 had kidney problems so DS1 had to witness a very upset mummy. Half an hour later I'd got my head round it, so really wish I'd asked my MIL to wait outside with him. Just felt guilty as my parents had been at DS1's 20wk scan (DH at sea), and DS2's 12w scan (there to look after DS1, but got a chance to have a peep at the scan too).

I didn't 'presume' to bring extra people into any of the scans. My mum came in with me at DS1's 20w scan (no 12w scan then) as DH was away, then the sonographer said when she'd finished that it was fine for my dad and sister to have a look if they wanted. With DS2's 12w scan, it turned out that we knew the MW (wife of a friend of DH's), so again, she did another little 'tour' after she'd done the measurements so my dad, mum and sister could see the baby. Very lucky on both occasions.

eidsvold · 01/10/2008 07:02

however here in Aus it was different to when I had my 20 week scan in the UK. In the hospital where I had dd2 and 3 - you are able to see the whole scan - you see everything the sonographer is seeing. THere is a TV mounted up on the wall for you to look at whilst the sonographer is looking at the little screen in front of them. In fact when the sonographer started really checking out dd2's heart - we knew what she was doing as we had seen that with dd1's fetal cardiac scan.

I find it really interesting that in the UK I was not allowed to see anything until the sonographer had finished and wanted to point out one or two things to me - at 20 week and then 21 week anomaly scan ( dd1 not co operating.) Yet when I was sent to London to have fetal cardiac scans and further anomaly scans - I was able to see everything that was going on and it was all explained to me as it happened.

I think that in an ideal world - you would probably not take them BUT if like us - we had no one who could look after any of them at either dd2 or dd3's scan - then you have to do what you have to do.

eidsvold · 01/10/2008 06:53

had dd1 with me when scanned with dd2 - they did pick something up. When being scanned for dd3 - both dd2 and dd3 were there for 12 weeks and 20 week scan. We had no other choice. No childcare and dh did not want to miss the appt. We know what can happen at 20 week scan - dd1 was diagnosed with serious heart defect and ds.

McDreamy · 01/10/2008 06:33

Thanks for all your comments. We are both very aware of what the 20 week scan is all about and while it is lovely to see the baby on the screen, that is far from the main purpose.

I had a chat with DH last night, unfortunately we don't really have many options, either we take a friend to the hospital with us to look after her (I have no family close by), she comes with us or DH looks after her and misses the scan.

We are going to take the chance. DH is a Dr and will take her out if something is wrong and explain to her what's going on, hopefully it won't come to that.

We are very likely to know the sonographer as it is a very small community here and a very small hospital so taking her isn't a problem.

I am very sorry to read some of your stories though, to get to 20 weeks thinking everything is ok and then to be told such devastating news must have been shattering .

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goldfinger13 · 30/09/2008 23:03

I took my DD 5 with me to all my scan. Thankfully there was no bad news recieved. i dont know what i would have done if there had been. It was a beautiful thing though. The Sonographer actually spoke to her most of the time, telling her what everything was and explaining what she was doing. i had to go back as they couldnt check the baby's feet properly but the way the sonographr explained it all it was very calming and relaxed. Dowhat you think is best.... It a great experience if there is nothing wrong and if the situation is handled with extreme care if there is.

MatBackFeck · 30/09/2008 21:51

ll so sorry, god that must have been awful.

loobeylou · 30/09/2008 21:24

bigTlittleT,sorry, I was not really attacking your comment just general ones people make (in RL very often)that they are sure all will be well etc, I know they mean to be reassuring, but it isn't always OK.

After our world shattering news at the scan, and subsequent still birth, We had to explain to DD age 4 and 2 that the new baby they were so looking forward to had died. The 2 yr old had been talking through my belly button claiming to be able to see the baby swimming in there and for months kept patting my tummy saying baby gone.

There is no good time to have to share this news with children of any age, but you do not want to be dealing with the worst news ever with little ones present when you are reeling with shock and tryijng to take in all the necessary info. In our subsequent pg the girls were older but we did not even tell them we were expecting till after the 20 week scan, we had to sheild them from the possibility of something dreadful happening again

glitterstar88 · 30/09/2008 21:20

I took my DS to my 12 week scan, he was about 28months. Didnt take him to my 20 week scan, im glad i didnt as i was at the hospital for almost 3 hours and had to have 3 scans whilst i was there as the baby was in such an awkward position the sonographer was having trouble checking that it was ok. DS would of got very bored waiting around for that long in a small waiting room with no toys or anything to keep him entertained.

MatBackFeck · 30/09/2008 20:30

I wouldnt take an older sibling to a hospital or clinic scan i.e one that is part of the official medical checks for the pregnancy if at all possible. I did however take my 3 year old to his brothers 3D scan at 29 weeks after I had already had 12 weeks and 20 week scans and knew it was extremely unlikely for them to see any problems at that one. I do know people that have had bad news at the 20 week scan and I personally think I would find it harder if the older child was there with me and would worry about the effect on them as well. I know an NHS sonographer and she says that they really frown on people bringing relatives including children to the 20 week scan in particular as this is the main one for picking up anomolies. She says they have prefer people to bring them to the 12 week scans if anything.

Saying all that, it is difficult when you will be there anyway shortly before. i would explain that to them when you get there and check they are allright with it, if you are.

AnarchyAunt · 30/09/2008 20:30

A family member took her 4yo ds to her 20 week scan.

The baby had a heart defect incompatible with life, and a severely abnormal brain and upper body. Her ds had to listen to the sonographer recommending a late termination.

I would never take a young child to an anomaly scan.

cmotdibbler · 30/09/2008 20:30

Yes, you have to explain at some point, but not when you are both sobbing your hearts out/totally confused about the next step/need to see the consultant to talk about tough decisions. I don't think that it is something that a 5 year old needs to see or hear first hand, but after a period when you can decide what you say and how

unfitmother · 30/09/2008 20:30

I nearly took DS to DS2s on my own, thank God I didn't, I had the worst news imaginable, it would have been awful if he had been there. Thankfully DH had insisted on accompanying me.
Not suggesting for a second that is common, but not impossible.

BigTeuchLittleTeuch · 30/09/2008 20:25

Loobeylou - Sorry for your experience. I wasn't being trite or flippant - as I pointed out - I was raising the point that she is old enough to understand an explanation of what is happening should you have any problems.

She's 5...you would need to explain to her at home anyway .

jem1969 · 30/09/2008 19:41

Took DD yesterday but she is only 14 months so the whole thing passed her by really. Invisiblehand- very impressed at your DD thinking it was her!

loobeylou · 30/09/2008 18:09

personally having been on the receiving end of a bad feotal diagnosis, I would not take a DC with me to a scan. It is generally called the anomaly scan, as opposed to a dating scan, and you just never know what might happen, do you. though i hope all will be well for you i would not go as far as others who say they are sure you will be fine, I find all that so trite.

some hospitals do have a policy of no children, they will get someone else to mind Dc for you outside the door, or take them up to playroom on childrens ward. your midwife should be able to tell you what is allowed at your hosp.

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MKG · 30/09/2008 17:08

I took ds1 to my 20 week scan. He was about 16 months at the time, so basically sat in the stroller the whole time.

changer22 · 30/09/2008 16:16

We took one of ours as we had nobody to look after her and the sonographer was very snotty with us. She said 'I don't know why people insist on bringing their children with them'. We were bold enough to say that as the last scan had showed a missed miscarriage I wanted my DH to be with me and we hadn't any childcare. She shut up after that. Still spoilt the moment a bit though.

FruitynNutty · 30/09/2008 16:11

I didn't think twice about bringing DS. Where would he have gone otherwise? No one else to watch him.
Our DS is part of our family so should have been there (he's only 3 BTW)

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