Do you think appointment and birth rules will change again with lockdown 2?

[LuckyFlash]

Just that really.

My trust has been letting partners come to 20 week scans since July and in the last 2 weeks have started letting them come to 12 week scans so things were moving in a very positive direction.

Just speculation really but I’m wondering whether people think this will remain given they have clearly worked through how it can safely be done, or whether we’ll just go straight back to square one because of the lockdown.

Obviously hoping it will be the former given I have my 20 week scan in 3 weeks and DH is desperate to come and see our first baby for the first time!

What are you expecting to happen?

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

DollyParton2 it’s not scaremongering, I know plenty of women pre pandemic who are told to go home you aren’t established enough and when pushed to check they are 8cms.
In all honesty this is my second, I didn’t mind my husband not being at the scans etc. We all know people in diff situations having a bad time but I hate the comparisons as if people aren’t allowed their own fears and worries.

[alphabetti]

I’m due In 5weeks and the only scans my partner has been allowed in was a growth scan at 28wks and a private scan at WTTW at 20wks. They want to induce me early but I’ve said no as I really dread being stuck in hospital alone and risk ending up no with a complicated birth. I was told partner could be with me from established labour (4cm) and stay for 4hrs after birth but then not allowed to come back.

I don’t think it’s very nice for people to say suck it up as you chose to get pregnant. I didn’t know the situation would be like this and also if some people delayed getting pregnant they may not be able to have a child.

[FolkSongSweet]

I will be in labour alone as we won’t be able to get childcare for our toddler for Covid/lockdown related reasons, so DH will be at home with him. My home birth has also already been cancelled, so I’m feeling pretty crap about it. It’s great if you personally don’t mind being by yourself for this stuff, including scans etc, but everyone is different. I had a precipitate labour with my first and likely to be even faster this time so I’m unlikely to be in a position to advocate for myself (I couldn’t even speak last time and had a pretty traumatic experience). We don’t have a car so I’m genuinely afraid of giving birth by myself in a taxi.

Anyway will see what happens but I think we can all agree it’s a less than ideal situation for anyone who is pregnant now.

[Grumpy19]

Some women definitely have terrible birth experiences and feel they need an advocate. I was pressured into an epidural with my first then ignored by the midwives who couldn't follow my contractions or baby's heartbeat on the monitors which led to him almost dieing and an EMCS!!

At least when partners were allowed in once in established labour you knew they'd be there for the birth. How many partners will miss births, sitting in a room waiting for their rapid covid test results to come back?
It took 2 hours for me to get a prescription last time I was in hospital!

As someone who labours quite quickly I don't know at what point I would need to go in for my husband to be tested and be with me in time.

[Rachel12551]

I'm so tired of people acting like it's a privilege for partners to be at the birth of their own child. It's just as much their baby as it is the pregnant woman's and morally I think it's wrong.

I know hospitals need to protect their staff and patients and I also know it's not the worst thing in the world and that we are all lucky to be pregnant and going through this but....... why does it make a difference whether my husband attends for an hour or 24 hours?

I haven't had consistent midwife care throughout this pregnancy (reduced appointments) resulting in worrying extra growth scans as my bump has been measured small and was told by multiple midwives this is because they all measure slightly differently.

When it comes to scans, my SIL was told baby had a cleft lip/pallet a couple of months ago and wasn't able to have the support of my brother while they talked her through the potential risks. Imagine finding out something really serious or even loss of the baby while alone?

I'm trying to keep positive and I know realistically my partner will be there when baby is born but the anxiety of staying in hospital before and after alone and not really knowing anything about childbirth (FTM) is incredibly stressful at times. I've suffered with severe anxiety for years and fear I won't be able to advocate for myself.

Just to note, I know the pandemic has hit people in a lot of worse ways and trust me I am truly grateful to be pregnant with a healthy baby but I do feel this has altered so many mums' pregnancies and childbirth experiences which I do think is unfair and lots of people are just told to deal with it.

[physicskate]

No one has mentioned the effects that this shit had caused on non-infected pregnant women:

www.uptodate.com/contents/coronavirus-disease-2019-covid-19-prenatal-issues-and-care/abstract/20,61-63

No one here has mentioned that because access to prenatal care has become less consistent, some countries have seen poorer maternal outcomes...

Less care = more chances for something to be missed. Less support for pregnant women = less care. Partners are part of that support system. Cutting out partners does not improve pregnancy outcomes.

It's not just about 'oh wouldn't it be nice if my partner could....'. Sometimes it's a matter of life.

[Inkpaperstars]

That really scares me @physicskate. I am very high risk and have had a tragic outcome before.

[physicskate]

I am sorry to frighten you @Inkpaperstars. That wasn't entirely my intent. I did try to choose my own words carefully. Please make sure you have advocates.

It's the same with all types of care though, cancer care, diabetes, heart attacks etc... everything is about covid which means people don't have as much health care available, or as much support to seek care, and that results in more negative outcomes.

And then I see shit on the news about raves in Bristol or anywhere really, and I get royally pissed off.

[ChampooPapi]

@physicskate I couldn't agree more with your posts. Well said. It's the people breaking the 6 person rule for dinners in posh restaurants saying they are 'busines meetings' to get round the rule that totally infuriate me. I read a report about it in the guardian, these Westminster restaurants having 15 people who are blatantly just friends out to lunch but they say it's 'business' and they are all aloud in. It really is business as usual for some isn't it 😤

[physicskate]

I'm just trying to point out that it doesn't matter when you got pregnant - we don't deserve poorer care because of covid, whether you 'knew' about it or not (and btw I was scared shitless by it by mid Jan, so don't try to feed me the horseshit that you knew nothing about it - no one has a crystal ball to predict the future, even a few weeks down the line at this point...) It's not just that it would be nice for your partner to be able to come to a scan or midwife or consultant appointment; it's that sometimes this is necessary for you to receive the best care.

Anecdotally, women's opinions are sometimes less listened to or valued than mens'. Having a (male) partner present can change the outcome of care. That's just sexism, but it's a totally real thing.

[AuntLucy]

I'm worried about this too. I am over Christmas and probably going to be a c-section for a breech baby. My first birth was pretty awful and I am susceptible to depression pre/post natal depression so I am so dependent on my partner being there as an advocate to do everything we can to make this birth not so awful. My memories of first birth are that we hardly set eyes on a midwife for the first 8 hours after being admitted - maybe a 2 min "head through the door" every hour or so to check on the levels of screaming. Was pretty much left to get on with it until the last hour (which was the one with lots of screaming, given that the epidural failed and it was too late for anything else).

And also that the midwives gave very very little support post birth other than make sure you and the baby weren't actually dead. There was certainly no support with breastfeeding, or changing the baby, or helping with anything to eat or drink other than at the fixed 6 hr intervals when the hospital meals turned up 🤢. Which given that I was so badly injured that couldn't get out of bed at all made the whole stay rather a misery. I can't imaging doing it again but this time with no partner support 😟. Still, 13 years on and a different hospital this time, so fingers crossed..

[physicskate]

@AuntLucy yes when I gave birth the only reason I got food at all was because my husband went to get me some!!! And I really struggled with reaching my daughter and changing her nappy (like in the middle of the night).

I'd had an 86 hour labour and the only support from midwife after I got onto post natal was waking me up 4am after pretty much not sleep for four days saying 'your baby is crying.' Her then handing me the baby after I apologised and her then leaving. Turns out I'd slept for about 20 mins, which again, was the only sleep I'd had in four days and the only sleep I got until I went home the next night!! They were having an absolute giraffe trying to keep me in another night!!!

This was all pre-covid... without my husband there, my daughter wouldn't have been able to have her one day check up as there was no way I could walk to go see the doctor. And he helped me change her nappies, dress her and get her to and from the cot to try and feed. Midwives were always far too busy to help, which was fine while I had support in the form of my partner.

[GentleParent]

@physicskate & @Inkpaperstars - I absolutely agree. You can't "blame" someone for getting pregnant during covid - they deserve empathy just like everyone else! We stopped trying for several months when Covid first broke, but when it became clear that there was no end in sight for the pandemic, we had to keep trying due to my age - we don't have years to play with. I happen to have a doctor friend who is an infectious disease specialist, and she advised that the age-related risks were almost certainly greater than the covid-related risks. We don't all have the luxury of waiting...

[GentleParent]

@AuntLucy - I am very worried about being on the postnatal ward without a birth partner too.

The birth of my first child was very traumatic and I was left struggling to absorb information or express myself clearly for at least 12 hours afterwards (turned out I had lost more blood than anyone realised, but that's another story...!) - without my husband there, I could never have retained any of the information the midwives were giving me about when to take various medication etc.

We were transferred to the postnatal ward early in the morning, just after lunch menus had been taken around, so we missed out on lunch and I only had any food at all before dinner because my husband went to buy some.

The midwives were lovely, but so exhausted and over-stretched - I can't imagine how they will have capacity to offer the sort of "extra pair of hands" help that you get from your birth partner... Unless they have employed additional healthcare assistants or something?

[HotDiggidy2017]

Just an update, my hospital trust has issued an update saying they’re still allowing partners to the 20 week scan even during lockdown 👍