Do you think appointment and birth rules will change again with lockdown 2?

[LuckyFlash]

Just that really.

My trust has been letting partners come to 20 week scans since July and in the last 2 weeks have started letting them come to 12 week scans so things were moving in a very positive direction.

Just speculation really but I’m wondering whether people think this will remain given they have clearly worked through how it can safely be done, or whether we’ll just go straight back to square one because of the lockdown.

Obviously hoping it will be the former given I have my 20 week scan in 3 weeks and DH is desperate to come and see our first baby for the first time!

What are you expecting to happen?

[SanFrancisco49er]

I am absolutely gutted at the thought of my husband potentially missing the birth of what will probably be our only child. He's a secondary teacher and I'm anxious he will catch Covid just as I am due or will miss the birth due to a delayed 'rapid' response test result. He missed all of our scans and appointments as we just fell outside the 20 week scan relaxation.

If I have to labour on my own so be it, I'll crack on, but the thought of him missing out on the birth is something I'm really struggling with.

I also can't believe how judgemental some people are being about those who got pregnant after lockdown this year. I conceived just before but fully support anyone who wanted to get pregnant at any time. Life can't be indefinitely put on hold for 'what ifs'. Good luck to all pregnant ladies, whenever you conceived, we shall all need it!

[Inkpaperstars]

Good luck to you @SanFrancisco49er, I really hope your DH gets to be there at the birth

[ChampooPapi]

@physicskate yes totally agree with everything you said, we should never tare of judge any women for their fertility decisions. Well said 🙌.

I've got my my c section for my twins Wednesday so I actually count myself lucky even though I found out I was pregnant early March before lockdown and have had a lot of restrictions, but at least I'll get to deliver with my partner there on theatre. I feel more sorry for women who either gave birth in lockdown last time or who are now early pregnancy and looking ahead to those first scans where partner attendance may be cancelled again. All the while they walk past m&s stuffed with people and a local pub potentially 🤷

All partners should have been allowed in my opinion for the 20 week scan of not the 12 week one all the way through

[Turtleturtle81]

I have sympathy for everyone due in the next few weeks. We really didn’t know what was in store for us (unlike those who have fallen pregnant since)

How does it feel up there on your high horse?
I’m due in 6 weeks. I was undergoing investigations for multiple miscarriages and was about to start fertility treatment when this all kicked off. That plus my age meant I didn’t have a choice but to crack on. It was literally a now or never situation to have my only child. This time last year I was recovering from a missed miscarriage discovered at my 12 week scan, the fourth, FOURTH, time it has happened to me.
You have no idea about anyone’s situation. The only difference between me and you is pure luck, so bore off with your judgement.

[EveningReflection]

We started trying in January and stopped in February when covid looked as if it was getting serious. However, I was already pregnant at this point. The maternity care has been rubbish in my opinion. I'm a FTM and 35 weeks now and I've only seen a qualified midwife once during my entire pregnancy to date (my only other face to face was with a student midwife).

At my hospital they have never relaxed the rules. Birth partners are kicked out 1 hour after the birth and only allowed to visit one hour per day postnatally if you have to stay in!

Covid certainly isnt ideal, but as others have mentioned, not everyone can afford to wait. I'm 38 and who knows how long this battle with covid will last. In that respect I'm glad i got pregnant before deciding to stop trying!

[bibs124]

Can't believe there are actually women on this thread saying they have it worse as they didn't know about COVID when they fell pregnant

I for one can not predict the future so when I got pregnant in June surprisingly did not know the country would still be in this state

All of us are in a shit situation whether Covid was pre or post pregnancy! Whether we are facing labour or scans alone .. it's all awful and completely unfair on us.

[FizzingWhizzbee123]

My hospital never forced women to labour alone, so while I think it’s Trust specific, there is hope! It’s not as strict of a lockdown as last time either. Partners weren’t allowed until active labour (after 4cm) so some women had a miserable start to their inductions, but once on the labour ward, my hospital allowed one birth partner even at the height of the first lockdown. Seems beyond harsh to make a women give birth alone unwillingly.

[Inkpaperstars]

People always have a midwife with them though...they're not left completely alone are they? I know that's not the same in any way, but I just keep seeing this phrase 'labour alone' and I wanted to check as it sounds terrifying!

[chipsticks2020]

I think choosing to get pregnant whilst pregnancy restrictions were so 'tight' (in the first months of lockdown) without considering these restrictions would be ongoing for scans and birth in the months afterwards would be naive and I have no sympathy for people who chose that for whatever their reason.

I'm not saying they shouldn't have got pregnant, but they definitely should have been aware of the possibility of dealing with early labour alone and other ongoing restrictions so it shouldn't be such a huge shock that covid hasn't disappeared etc

[BG1234]

@Turtleturtle81 if that came across as I don’t have sympathy for anyone who’s got pregnant since lockdown then I apologise but that wasn’t what I meant. I was just expressing sympathy for the women who had posted directly before me who were in the same position of finding out they were pregnant before lockdown. Although all pregnant women are in the same shitty boat, for those of us approaching labour we are slightly different in that a. we possibly had less mental preparedness for a Covid pregnancy and b. we are probably deflated/devoid of hope that things will improve by the time we give birth.
That’s the only differentiation. I’m not judging anyone who chose to conceive after lockdown. No one deserves this. Hopefully you all have better journeys ahead and things have improved by the time you reach your dd x

[FtmNov22]

@Glendaruel 100% understand where your coming from! None of my family or friends seem to understand and just say its something I have to get on with however it goes 😔 my mum keeps going on about how she had the twins alone via emergency c-section(my younger siblings) which was her 3rd birth, but then my dad arrived 5 minutes after and was able to stay as it was 16 years ago and not during a pandemic, she thinks she understands but she really doesn't!

[Poppyismyfavourite]

With the 4cm rule - does anyone know what happens if you refuse an internal examination? I was thinking of doing this (basically want to be left to it), but would that mean my husband wouldn't be allowed in?

[FolkSongSweet]

I conceived in Feb and am due next week. I think the situation is shit for all women but I think the more pregnant you are now the worse it’s likely to be because you’ll have had substandard care for your entire pregnancy and now facing the same for the birth. For example, my DH hasn’t been able to attend a single scan or appointment, whereas my SIL who is 3 months behind me has had BIL at the 20 week scan because our hospital relaxed restrictions on that in July, weeks after I’d had mine. She’s also had several midwife appointments in person whereas I’ve only had one (same hospital). My first trimester was in the first months of lockdown and I had some shocking experiences where the EPU refused to see or scan me after some massive bleeds despite having had 4 precious miscarriages, which wouldn’t have happened in recent months. I’m now facing labour alone, whereas at least people due later have some hope that things will get better again.

[Inkpaperstars]

That is so terrible FolkSong. I am shocked they would not see you, it must have been so frightening. I wish you the very best for delivery x

[ivfbeenbusy]

I don't think anyone knew how long this would go on for so to say to women that they knew what they were getting into is a bit harsh. That being said I did my IVF in June and was fully prepared that would mean DH involvement and midwife care would be much reduced - it is probably a bit naive to think it wouldn't be impacted at all. But on the other side with my older DD I don't remember midwife care being overly involved either and I often do think first time mums have a higher level of expectation of what pregnancy care is like compared to what the actual reality delivers (there are loads of threads about this)

My hospital hasn't relaxed the rules at all the whole summer/autumn so no partners at 12 or 20 week scans. It is what it is, it's easier to park and the waiting rooms are more relaxed. We had a private scan so DH could see the babies (having twins) after losing 7 previous babies.

This next lockdown is only for a month and isn't as strict at the last one with schools remaining open so I can't see the partner during labour rules will change any more next week from what they were this week. There has been such a furore about the issue in the press/media can't see they would restrict things further

[Disappointedkoala]

I'm on my second and due in the next few weeks, OH hasn't been to anything with me and I have to scramble for childcare every time I need to go in for something (even a 3 minute blood test). Hospital rules are that OH will be kicked out a short while after baby is born and that'll be it till we're discharged. Post natal care was so shocking last time I can't decide if the lack of partners will be better or worse.

While it's shit, it's even worse to hear of people getting cancer diagnosis by themselves, having close family having all their screening & tests cancelled even though they need to be seen, friends with parents in care homes who haven't seen them in 7 months apart from through a window, people ending up sepsis because they can't get seen by a GP or dentist. The whole thing is a shit show.

[Aprilbaby21]

Woah...
Hang on. It was me that said i knew what i was getting myself into but what i meant by that was it made me more reluctant to moan about the current restrictions because people (like some previous posters) seem less sympathetic towards us ladies that got pregnant after covid.
As i said, i think its harsh that she said she was less sympathetic towards us.

Many reasons why i decided to continue with fertility treatment during covid, of which of which i shouldnt be judged on.

We should all just be supportive to one another in the time as regardless of timing or choices made, we are all in the same boat.

[DollyParton2]

Inkpaperstars very good point. Think of the millions of women across the world without access to hospitals who literally do give birth alone. My DH missed DS birth (not entirely his fault!) so I gave birth with midwives. Truly once in the throes of labour you honestly don’t give a fuck who is there- in fact the main people you do want there and rely on are the amazing midwives. Mine were amazing, we were such a team. I’m pregnant again but just taking everything a step at a time. Anything DH can come to is amazing but I’ll expect not. Right now health of baby and me is priority rather than sweating the smaller stuff.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Think of the millions of women across the world without access to hospitals who literally do give birth alone such a lovely race to the bottom we are having. Think of those who give birth in huts- guess I should be grateful for a bed . I actually think partners need to be present from the beginning to ensure women are listened to. In the middle of, what I consider to be, the worst pain in the world, it’s easy for women to be rail roaded into a labour they don’t want/ not listened to etc.

[DollyParton2]

Oh please OnlyFoolsnMothers stop scaremongering. I’ve had 2 babies and never come close to being railroaded into anything. Sorry if that’s your direct experience but from mine, and my friends births it’s a rare one. And yes: we do need to hang onto gratitude right now for the small stuff, for what we do have.

[Foreverbaffled]

I don’t think women have been facing active labour alone at any stage in this pandemic have they? Of course am open to being corrected but the RCOG were pretty firm that this shouldn’t occur although I appreciate they only issue guidance. The 4cm rule came into force in my hospital but this has since been relaxed. I assume it will be reinstated now we are back in lockdown. I am due to give birth in a few weeks so this will effect me.

It’s rubbish and sad but will be okay. I will insist on regular dilation checks (I went from 3cm-9cm in a few hours last time and don’t want it to be too late for DH to get to the hospital) and suggest others do the same if they are comfortable.

Good luck everyone. Oh and I include everyone in that, whenever they got pregnant. It’s been a hard road for all of us whether we went into it knowingly or not.

[Foreverbaffled]

Excellent post @physicskate, but then again I usually agree with what you have to say :)

[Lackadaisically]

I'm due in less than 2 weeks and am really not happy with where things are going.

A post shared by my local maternity unit last night seemed to suggest that partners would still be allowed in during active labour and also suggested that once the government starts to use the 15 minute tests labour wards would be given priority meaning that partners could be there possibly even throughout once they've tested negative. But I don't think that will be in place before I need it to be.

I'm terrified of needing to stay in right now. In my trust as things stand now I'd be allowed my husband to visit for a few hours a day but that is it and that might change by Thursday. My 3 year old would absolutely not be allowed in and I know I'm going to hate that so much. I'm going to want to go home the second I can.

My parents are coming to stay with us today and we will go into lockdown together. My husband doesn't drive and we live rurally so we need the support and childcare. Not ideal but it seemed like the best option. I don't know how we are going to introduce baby to the in-laws.

I also hate the idea of blaming or judging people for getting pregnant in lockdown. I got pregnant in Feb so before we really knew what was coming. But people can't and shouldn't be expected to just put their lives on hold, accidents happen, some people face fertility constraints and others might put not wanting too big an age gap between children above not wanting to be pregnant in a pandemic. I'm not going to judge any of that and I was posting early on in the first lockdown on threads where people were unsure about starting TTC about how shit being pregnant in a pandemic was.

[aToadOnTheWhole]

Jesus Christ, some of the comments on this thread are atrocious!

I'm almost 20 weeks, DH hasn't been able to come to any appointments or scans. Personally (and I appreciate I'm in the minority) I'm not bothered. I'm having a section and won't be particularly arsed if I'm on my own for that or directly after either. Well, as long as there's a member of staff to hold the baby as I couldn't last time!

But to suggest anyone deserves less support or help during labour because they knew there was a pandemic before they got pregnant, fucking hell, that's low.

[ivfbeenbusy]

I think that's the thing isn't it - actually partners ARE allowed in there for the labour - just not the early bit which lets be honest is pretty boring waiting around for things to happen anyway. The press/scaremongering make it out like no father has seen their baby born since March which is very untrue.

Yes there are no visiting hours in lots of hospital - some like my hospital have zero visiting hours - other nights get an hour so @Lackadaisically getting 3 hours is actually pretty good! but most people are being discharged in 24 hours even c section patients so even if you have older children the likelihood of being away from them any longer than you would normally is highly unlikely

@Lackadaisically my partner didn't drive for our first DD and I gave him such a kick up the arse that under no circumstances would I let that happen again