My feed

to access all these features

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.


This may sound stupid but....

31 replies

Babyblues14 · 08/02/2017 19:33

I'm terrified at the thought of giving birth to the point where I panic when I think about it. Does everyone get this?? Baby was planned and im very excited about being a mum. Obviously I knew at some point I would have to give birth but I didnt put much thought into it until I got pregnant. Im 2 months pregnant, will it get worse over time? Or will I calm down soon? Also it doesnt help with family telling me how painful it is, im 22 and this is my first baby.
Thanks in advance xx

OP posts:
EsmesBees · 08/02/2017 19:35

I didn't experience this, so no advice, but wanted to tell you that not everyone finds it that painful. I quite enjoyed giving birth.

PopcornBits · 08/02/2017 19:40

I was terrified of giving birth as well, I was 23.
In all honesty I tried to ignore it but ultimately had to face my fear in the end, and I had to be induced which is worse because you know the birth will happen there and then!
When I actually went into labour, the fear went away and I concentrated on the contractions.
I think the pain makes you prioritise emotions and you get on with it. I think you will be surprised :)

AssassinatedBeauty · 08/02/2017 19:45

There's a phobia called tokophobia which is an extreme fear of giving birth. I don't know if that's what you're feeling. It's normal though to worry about labour and birth, as it's an unknown and a major event to go through. If it's pain that worries you, then don't forget there's a variety of pain relief available. An epidural should stop you feeling the pain of contractions.

You could look into hypnobirthing which can help too.

MrsPringles · 08/02/2017 20:07

I was bricking it and just pretended it wasn't going to happen for 9 months.


I had my DS with zero pain relief not out of choice I should add, thanks midwife and was absolutely fine and home 4 hours after I had given birth.
It's like something takes over and you get into a little zone and you just get on with it.
You'll be ok OP, and it's incredibly cheesy but it's true, the baby at the end is so unbelievably worth it

katherine775 · 08/02/2017 20:12

I had this for my first when I was the same age. I was absolutely terrified. Turns out it honestly wasn't as bad as I though it would be at all. remember, there is lots of pain relief you can look into as well.
And, I totally agree with MrsPringles - the baby is worth everything :) x

ExpectoPatronummmm · 08/02/2017 21:16

I'm 34 weeks pregnant with my third and shitting myself about the birth.

Helbelle75 · 08/02/2017 21:28

I was really worried until we went to antenatal classes. We went early, at 26 weeks and i'm pleased we did as I feel much better about it now I have lots of information. We've also been up to the labour ward a couple of times for monitoring and everyone has been lovely.

EsmesBees · 08/02/2017 21:33

<a class="break-all" href="//" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">this book might help. It's full of positive birth stories.

BingThing · 08/02/2017 21:46

Try to ignore people's horror stories if you can! You cant predict what will happen but all you have to remember is - it will not last forever, the labour will end and you'll get a lovely little one at the end. Also listen to the midwife they will stop you from pushing at the wrong time and tearing. If you're not coping with the pain they'll give you drugs to help but just gas and air is ace. Im pregnant with dc3 and even though i know what to expect I'm still nervous! X

Elkalv · 08/02/2017 22:57

I don't advertise it but just as an option you can have elective csection if that scares you less. I am not sure if you need to be on private medical package for this. Maybe just keep it at the back of your head close to the date to decide. Personally I did watch quite few tube videos with various types of labour because I think scariest thing is when you don't know what to expect. It helped me but I am not sure if my fear was the same. You can also discuss this with your midwife or doc if it keeps worrying you after couple of weeks.

AssassinatedBeauty · 08/02/2017 23:03

You don't have to try to put up with pain, it's ok to request an epidural as soon as they can do it.

An elective c section is something you can request on the NHS, although you might face some resistance to it from some health care professionals. It has it's own risks of course and is not a pain free option.

MumBeth · 10/02/2017 12:35

I was freaking out about it a lot, especially after my sister recently gave birth and it was an awful experience for her.

But I found reading up on labour in pregancy and birth books really helped me. Knowing all my different options and how I can plan it (to some extent) has helped me be more accepting of what's to come. Also finding out about hypnobirthing and active labour classes has got me looking forward to attending those to find out about different coping strategies. I think knowledge is key and to remember that the majority of labours are totally fine. X

Oysterbabe · 10/02/2017 13:07

Honestly my birth was fine.
I would try not to think about it at this stage and book yourself in to some antenatal classes nearer the time.

mrscrocopop · 10/02/2017 19:44

Hiya, please speak to your midwife as soon as possible. S/he will be able to refer you to the mental health midwife who will be able to provide support with your anxiety - this may involve discussing birth processes and options in more detail, managing anxiety, referring you for some therapy, discussing alternatives such as c sections. However most of these options require time so don't leave it too late.
I found watching birth videos (nice calm ones) was anxiety provoking at first but after time it helped a lot. As did reading Ina May Gaskins Book and studying hypnobirthing. I'm due to have my first baby this year and although I am still scared, it's not as overwhelming as it used to be.
Good luck!

Lamaitresse · 10/02/2017 21:25

You could have been describing me with my first pregnancy - I was utterly terrified and burst into panicked tears at 12 weeks when I got the list through from the hospital of things we needed to bring in for the birth. I wasted so much time being scared and worried, when in actual fact nothing at all is going to change that you will go through labour, you will hold your beautiful baby in your arms, and whatever journey you have to go through to get'll be SO worth it!! For my second child I looked forward to the day I went into labour, and I'm pregnant again now with hopefully dc3 (fingers crossed!) and I just think bring it on!!
Thinking back to ds I had acupuncture at around 6 months and I asked her to reduce my anxiety levels as I was so scared - it helped enormously so might be worth a try?

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 10/02/2017 21:32

most labour is over rated. It's not as bad as people would lead you to believe. The contractions are the worst bit ( apart from stitches IMPO) but I did 30 hours with no pain relief at home and 7 in the hospital with two shots of diamorphene and it was fine! They only give anti sickness once with diamorphene though.. I found that out too late. GOOD LUCK BUT IT'LL BE FINE

blue2014 · 10/02/2017 21:34

Mine honestly wasn't as bad as I predicted x

MrsRaymondReddington · 10/02/2017 21:49

As someone has already suggested, you should really see if there's any Hypnobirthing courses available near you. You've got plenty of time, I started mine at about 24 weeks. It was such a help. I learnt so much about pregnancy and birth. The breathing techniques are so useful ( and I'm not someone who would usually go in for this sort of thing!) It took away almost all of my fear. I went from being terrified to being excited about the birth.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 10/02/2017 21:49

I think there is some secret convention where mothers are told to terrify pregnant women with horrible tales of childbirth.
For some reason when you tell women you're pregnant they think it's acceptable to regale you with stories of their nightmare forceps/epidural/EMCS birth. (This wouldn't be the done thing if you were undergoing another medical treatment)
Any positive optimistic outlook (in pg women) is to be immediately quashed.

My honest story is that my mother and sister had very straightforward births which gave me a (possibly misguided) feeling of strength and possibility. Like I knew I could do it.
I opted for a home birth.
My contractions started 40+11 (late afternoon) and continued for about 24 hrs, all manageable with TENS.
After a full day of sporadic contractions they ramped up but my TENS never went above 6/10 - this was more painful for me than the contractions.
At about 8pm they were every 3 mins. MW came out and told me not to expect anything until the next morning as I was a first time mum.
At 11pm my waters went and we rang MW again who was very dubious but agreed to come. At 11.30 we rang back as I told her I could feel baby's head.
00.03 MW walked through door.
00.16 DD born

What I would consider an extremely easy labour, I was calm and had an inner sense that I would be able to do it, because those closest to me hadn't scared me with horrible tales and genetically I hoped I'd have an easy ride. Perhaps foolish. Worked for me.

Good luck, it's not always awful and please try to avoid the harpies who want to scare you. This is not a well meaning, caring place to come from, despite probably wanting to work through their own issues.

I second the Ina May Gaskin book, and also Juju Sundin's Birth Skills helped me. Both a bit twee but loads of snippets to take from to help you through. Flowers

Funnyonion17 · 10/02/2017 21:50

I was scared with my first, nervous with 2nd and nervous again now. It hurts but I can honestly say it's nowhere near as painful as I thought. Infact last time I gave birth with zero pain relief, it wasn't a choice it just sort of happened as things suddenly advanced. It was fine, I think endorphins must take over.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 10/02/2017 21:52

I didn't mean harpies on here, sorry, I meant RL people who revel in telling their horror stories when you're excited/naive/optimistic and they want to shit on your parade.
On purpose.

We all know there are people out there like that!

queenofshihtzus · 10/02/2017 21:55

You often hear about the horror stories. If it was that bad no one would have a second! My DD born was born in 23 minutes. I didn't even know I was in labour until I was 8cm dialated. You'll get through it 😃

DuggeeHugs · 11/02/2017 11:35

I was the same - by 30 weeks I'd feel queasy every time we drove past the hospital. Our community midwives run an antenatal yoga class which you can attend from 17 weeks. It was really useful for birthing techniques and preparing you for the changes to your body. It also gave you weekly access to a midwife which was very reassuring.

Read up (but not to the point of scaring yourself) on the different types of birth and intervention so you go in there with a good idea of possible outcomes. Remember that you can always say 'no' to the suggestions they make - something I didn't realise and wish I'd known.

Everyone has their own experiences - good, bad or ugly - and there is no way to predict which yours will be. Make sure you have a birth partner who knows what you want and who is able to communicate that. You could also look into getting a doula who could support you too. Good luck Flowers

Lunalovepud · 11/02/2017 11:52

As PPs have said, please speak to your midwife - there is support there for you to help with this - it is very common, a lot of women experience it and there is no reason why you should spend your entire pregnancy worrying about it.

FWIW, I had this in my first pregnancy but by the time I got to about 37 weeks I was past caring how DC got out, as long as he got out soon! He could have come out of my nose by that point and I would have been fine with it. Wink

Good luck with everything.

KattyLou · 11/02/2017 12:06

I'm 17 weeks with my first (I'm 29) and feel like I'm on a roller coaster of emotions.
One minute I'm over whelmed with excitement, the next, paralyzing fear!
I think it's natural to be scared of the birth, but as my mother has said - It has to happen and you can't avoid it.

I've not done any reading up or researching about giving birth apart from watching One Born Every Minute BEFORE i became pregnant - Haven't watched it since I found out!

However, I have been distracting myself with little projects to get myself excited about my baby. I'm learning how to sew, thinking about names and I have already made a good start on decorating the nursery. I know it's very very early - but people do things differently - and I have found that getting things ready have really calmed me.

If I feel the fear coming on I go and sit in the baby's room and imagine what it will be like to have my beautiful baby in my arms and I start to forget the fear, calm down and even become excited.

I also keep a journal - and write letters top my unborn baby - Just about me, my day, my past, the future and the baby's family - I only write positive things - it sounds really really cheesy but it's just for us. I have found it incredibly therapeutic and I think it has helped me bond with my baby.

You've got to do whatever works for you... I might get more fear the more the weeks go on, or I might feel more prepared. It's certainly becoming real now that I can see my little bump

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.