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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Does dp NEED to attend antenatal classes?

29 replies

glitterkitty · 27/02/2007 13:43

Just to explain, he is happy to come along- its the first time for both of us and the more you know the better, right? And as he's the only person I want at the birth I really want him to know whats going to happen.

Unfortunatly tho a couple of the classes clash with his working patterns- and because of his job there's no option of missing part of the day/taking time off- he has to apply for leave and he might not get it. The only option is for him to fake being sick- what I want to know is is it worth it?

Any opinions gratefully recieved...

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toadstool · 27/02/2007 13:47

My DH didn't attend the NHS antenatal classes because we did 2 NCT weekends together, which were far more informative. Only one DH attended for the whole NHS class group, and I'm afraid he dominated a bit, trying to be funny, talking about his back problems, etc. I think he was embarrassed.

Donk · 27/02/2007 13:49

I'm not sure that I'd fake being sick - but I was very glad that DH shared the experience so to speak.....
Everybody at our antenatal classes had someone with them - but not always dp - one youngish lass came with her mother.

Donk · 27/02/2007 13:50

We also did an NCT class which we found far more helpful.......
But I know that not everyone on MN is a fan of NCT classes....

Chloe55 · 27/02/2007 13:51

You could get just as much info as what I was told from the net, as Toadstool said I have heard the NCT classes are much more informative. DH and I actually missed the birthing class because I had ds the day before!

BarryTook · 27/02/2007 13:51

why doesn't he offer to take another of the dada out for a beer afterwards for a quick summary

BarryTook · 27/02/2007 13:51

dads

beckybrastraps · 27/02/2007 13:56

Mine didn't go to any, because he had already moved down south by the time they started.

He seemed to cope.

Original poster

glitterkitty · 27/02/2007 13:58

Thanks- we tried to get NCT classes but fully booked- so its NHS or nothing. And anyway- £175?! I was quite glad it was booked up- would have been a stretch for us to pay that!

Barrytook- He's quite shy- I honestly cant see him bonding with other dads in just one class to the point of going for a beer with them!

OP posts:

Mumpbump · 27/02/2007 13:58

I can't comment on the value of the NHS classes, but the NCT classes were good and as your dh might have to evaluate options and "fight your corner" with a bunch of medics, I think it would be better if he did go. I think the NCT classes tend to fit in around working hours too.

Iklboo · 27/02/2007 13:59

Dh did but felt like a spare part most of the time. BUT I suppose that prepared him for being in the delivery room where he felt like a spare part most of the time.........

KathyMCMLXXII · 27/02/2007 13:59

He needs to know stuff. If he's the sort of person who will be committed enough to get the info from elsewhere, I don't think there is any need at all for him to attend.

The only thing that might be worth skiving work for is if the classes include a hospital tour - useful for him to know in advance where the entrance is, where to park, where to get a cup of tea etc.

Chloe55 · 27/02/2007 14:02

Yeah, the hospital tour put both of us at ease at little bit - and he will need to know where to go when you really couldn't give a shit where you are going

Original poster

glitterkitty · 27/02/2007 14:05

LMAO Chloe! Luckily he is not on duty for the tour one so he can come to that- and one other- its the other two he cant do. Sounds like that will be enough, will just have to go alone and take notes!

OP posts:

foxybrown · 27/02/2007 14:07

Nope. Guess it'd be good if he went to some but I don't think they tell you anything you couldn't get from other sources.
The best thing about going was making the friends I made. We kept it going afterwards meeting for long lazy lunches whilst our bundles of joy slept in their seats under the table .... oh happy days! Thats why I wouldn't have missed the classes.

GooseyLoosey · 27/02/2007 14:07

Niether of us did any ante-natal stuff and not sure we were the worse off for it. For the people I know, the best thing they got from it were the people they met who they kept in touch with afterwards - and it was mainly the mothers who kept in touch.

foxybrown · 27/02/2007 14:09

BTW if you speak to the hospital they often have evening tours, so you don't necessarily have to go when the class does.

EllieKwithaHUGEbump · 27/02/2007 14:10

hey glitterkitty

i did them on my own with ds and his dad was just as helpful during birth, the tour is def. the most important one IMO

Eleusis · 27/02/2007 14:10

Why doesn't he ask for the time off. And if they say no then you go. I went to the classes myself because my DH worked in Ireland at the time. I held my head high and just got on with it. But, to be perfectly honest I was a bit bitter about having to go alone when everyone else had a husband/partner there.

But, not nearly as bitter as I was about the NHS scheduling the ones that men were to attend in the evening, but the one for women were during the day. What like I don't have a job to go to? Sexist pigs. Okay, I've wondered way off topic. Sorry.

Anyway, if my DH made an honest request and tried to go but was told np, then I wouldn't be bitter. I'd just go.

foxybrown · 27/02/2007 14:12

Am just wondering if they can say no ... women have a right to time off to attend classes. Are there any paternity rights I wonder...?

EllieKwithaHUGEbump · 27/02/2007 14:14

sadly no, men are not entitled to it like we are, is down to discretion of employer

Mumpbump · 27/02/2007 14:15

foxybrown - I was wondering that, but thought it was only antenatal appointments, ie. scans, etc, rather than antenatal classes. Might be worth checking out though.

beckybrastraps · 27/02/2007 14:16

I didn't feel bitter about going alone.

But I think the others thought I was making dh up.

Booboobedoo · 27/02/2007 14:16

OTOH most hospitals offer tours anyway, don't they?

We went on one of our local labour ward, and decided on a homebirth there and then!

I'm glad DH came to classes with me: I feel like he's got to grips with all the essentials, and I can trust him to fight my corner if necessary. I know you can read up on stuff, but lots of DPs seem to stay in denial until alarmingly late in the proceedings. Classes act as a reality check.

Original poster

glitterkitty · 27/02/2007 14:18

Hi Eleusis- he has asked but they:
a) are not required by law to let you go
b) are not going to let him go
c) have said he needs to put in a request for leave as its the only way he MIGHT be able to attend
d) cannot guarentee he will get the leave

If he puts in a request and gets turned down, he cant then go off sick as it would be pretty obvious he was bunking off and he would be up on a disciplinary- which is why the dilemma!

I agree with the timings- the annoying thing is ours are 4 till 6pm- he would only need to miss part of his shift and then go in but apparently thats not acceptable

OP posts:

Mumpbump · 27/02/2007 14:21

I wouldn't get him to apply for leave. Much better to have as much as possible for after the birth. I guess if you go along, you can always debrief him afterwards and pull stuff off the internet for him. There is so much information out there if you can just be bothered to look for it...

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