Six False Alarms. No baby. Ignorant Midwife?

[user1467618369]

Hi there, I really need some sound advice, because quite honestly I feel like I'm loosing my mind at the minute.
I am a first time Mother very eagerly waiting for my baby to appear as every other Mum to be on the planet. Since about the start of the third trimester on wards I started having really painful braxton hicks. I have been in absolute agony at home, when I've left the house, tried everything, baths, paracetamol, cocodomal, have been into the hospital/called midwives out six times now The only thing that helps when I'm having a episode is doing deep breathing, apparently I sound like I'm pushing when I do that, and that's not right because I'm not in labour.
Some days are better than others, some days I don't have pains at all, other days I have been screaming close to tears, just want everyone to leave me alone, and alas had my worried husband frantically rush me to the hospital/call for a midwife to come out. The pains usually come with tightenings, and the weird thing is that they're usually incredibly regular and mimic real contractions.
Yesterday was the sixth false alarm and definitely the worse I have ever been treated in the hospital. We got in, and I couldn't' talk properly cause it really hurt, I can't explain what it feels like apart from like I'm getting punched inside over and over again. About two hours after they started, I laid down on the bed and they stopped. The midwife put her hand on my bump to feel 'contractions' and of course they had just stopped so she felt no tightenings at all!! The midwife that saw me and my husband, quietly say to him that she thought I was just scared pretty much of childbirth and that's what was causing these trips to hospital As if I was putting the entire affair on, she wrote in my notes that I was tensing my muscles when the baby was moving and that they weren't contractions at all. She then had a chat to me explaining she knew what it was like after having three children, being so eager to meet your baby, as if I had been faking everything these last three months. She then gave us a number of an obstetrician saying if I have pains again to go to another hospital instead of the birth centre (after SIX FALSE ALARMS) (which is right round the corner from us, the hospital is about 30 mins away!) that basically I couldn't keep having false alarms at the birth centre!!!
It doesn't help that I used to have anxiety (which is in my notes) and they've wrote down that I used to be on medication for.. So she accused me yesterday of just being so scared of childbirth, that the pains were in my head.
.I actually didn't want to go to hospital yesterday, but with my due date being today, my husband and MIL rushed me down there regardless. Usually I leave it longer than an hour to see if the pains settle down. It has been suggested that I have an irritable uterus, but have not received any treatment for this.
Basically I think now, that they've just made me out to be this neurotic heavily pregnant anxious young woman. I stopped seeing anyone for mental health well over six months ago now, I have had no need to be on meds for over a year, I have completed a full time college course at a distinction level the last nine months, run my own house, volunteer etc. I don't have anxiety anymore!
I am so horribly offended and disgusted by the midwife yesterday, my MIL wants to write in a complaint to the birth centre. The other staff there have been helpful and wonderful, but this woman was so horrifically patronizing, I felt like I was being spoke to like a child having a tantrum. Unless my waters go, I have no clue how I will no I'm going into labour, and now I feel scared to call the birth centre/hospital/anyone at all. I was actually feeling very positive about giving birth, I did a hypnobirthing class, we have everything ready for our daughter, I have lots of support behind me, not scared at all, just in pain.
I'm 40 weeks at due date today, so it can't be much longer now, does anyone have any advice?

[threeelephants]

99percent, you can keep your face.
No, I wouldn't go to hospital within an hour of tightenings starting. Why on earth would you?

[HumphreyCobblers]

Lots of kind people on this thread who are basically doing exactly what the midwife did. Implying that the OP has a low pain threshold, that what she is experiencing is normal, everyone goes through it but they don't make a fuss like you .

Perhaps we should consider that the pain is actually real and PAINFUL?! I hate the way women are disbelieved about the level of pain they are in just because they are pregnant.

Sorry you are going through this OP. I don't have any helpful suggestions to make but I wanted to offer my sympathy and best wishes and hope you go into labour very soon.

[lljkk]

Just because it's real & painful doesn't mean that the cause isn't anxiety.

[HumphreyCobblers]

well that is possible. But the implication is that if it is anxiety the pain is not real. Which is not true.

Women ARE disbelieved all the time about the level of pain they are in when pregnant and even when not pregnant. It is a cultural thing. Men get believed about pain and are given more effective pain relief and in a quicker time frame.

[JudyCoolibar]

I must say her explanation for the tightening feeling which seems to disappear once you are being seen by a medical professional sounds a pretty likely one. I also don't think she was criticising you in any way or saying that you were faking in saying that this could have derived from your anxiety - I think she was just trying to offer an explanation, not make any sort of judgment about you.

[lljkk]

I think that most modern health professionals know that anxiety can cause very real symptoms. Nobody is making anything up. But most HPs (certainly those in A&E) can do feck all about anxiety which is very frustrating for both sides.

Some folk (not saying this is OP, I don't know OP) need to be forced to acknowledge that the problem is anxiety, too.

[HumphreyCobblers]

of course you are right lljkk

i may have a bee in my bonnet about this issue

[ShowOfHands]

I think the problem is that by saying people can see the midwife's pov, people aren't saying the pain isn't exactly as bad as described. They are pointing out that the midwife is looking at clinical indicators. She isn't ignorant.

Anxiety a year ago is recent and the midwives are right to consider it. You are at increased risk of mental health problems during pregnancy if you have a history.

Drink plenty too op. BH are far worse when dehydrated.

[Quodlibet]

I think it is important to differentiate between BH contractions, which aren't painful, and pre-labour contractions, which bloody well are!

Also, OP, maybe you need to stop thinking about them as 'false alarms' and start thinking about them as warm-ups. The contractions will be thinning and effacing your cervix and getting baby into position. I know it's frustrating but please don't be despondent.

[Kstar8]

I am 35+3 and have an irritable uterus so have BH pretty much all day everyday, sometimes 3 mins apart, sometimes 8 or longer. I've been checked for pre-labour (negative) and never been made to feel silly for doing so.
They are uncomfortable as I can feel my stomach hardening and my throat feels funny but they don't really hurt. The only time they seem to cause pain is if I'm laying on my back.

The only other time they hurt was when I had degenerating fibroids in the second trimester which was extremely painful but only lasted a week each time. I was under the impression that BH aren't meant to be accompanied by pain but I've obviously not yet reached the gestation of the OP so maybe they do become painful? It's unusual that no reason has been given for the extent of the pain you are experiencing OP?

It is upsetting to feel dismissed by HCPs (I was lucky that mine were picked up on monitoring as I felt like I wouldn't be believed otherwise). I would agree with the advice about trying to relax and use techniques like hypnobirthing as pain intensifies when we are frightened or anxious. Do you feel that the pain lessens when you've been reassured by a HCP?

[shazzarooney999]

To be honest 6 times is a bit much and a dreadful waste of Nhs resources, you could be in slow labour though in which case theres not much anyone can do. Just be careful that your not to neurotic you could end up with serious problems. I must admit I once called a midwife out when I was in labour with my second child, she said I dont think your in labour because you look to relaxed and she was about to leave, anyway before she left she decided to examine me, dont know what caused her change of mind, she examined me and I was 5cm dilated, so she said I will meet you in an hour at the hospital.

One hour later I was on the bed, I think midwife though I still had a while to go, she was going to pop out the room, I gave an almighty push and my son was coming out with his waters still intact.

So given all this they sometimes do get things wrong, but like I said just be careful xxx

[user1467618369]

Woah at all the replies- thank you
One thing I would like to clarify, it hasn't just stopped on medical intervention, which i would like to point out. I think the worse episode was about three weeks ago, God we really thought this was it. I waited it out at home for three hours, called the birth centre, went in. They put me on regular doses of cocodomal for the night, every four hours the pains would come back and mid conversation all of a sudden swearing and what not. It was constant all night throughout the hospital. But then my midwife checked my cervix the next morning and it had no changes so she sent me home. Of course We know that it's best to stay at home for this bit. I would like to echo that my wonderful caring husband is a bit on edge at the minute, it's not nice for him either and being our first baby we have no idea what to expect. Usually our thing seem to be about when should we call/go in? We are again new parents and it's very confusing.
For the millionth time, I have recovered from anxiety, that is not the cause of the pains. I'm not anxious . I think it could quite easily be something else. My mother in law/husband take me to the hospital because they care about me. What is my husband/anyone meant to do- leave me in that state? He wants a quick fix when they start, It's not easy to watch your loved one in any sort of pain. He worries and he panics and he doesn't know what to do with himself most days. Im calm inbetween the pain, not at all anxious and my Mum in law has said I'm the most positive person throughout this. My cervix has moved forward and is central, and I'm 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. One midwife suggested the latent phase of labour? It's just getting me to 4cm. The pain is usually in my abdomen and then it goes to my back and sometimes even my thighs?? . I usually have an episode every day, and I time them. Thank you again all go your replies. I just hope something else isn't wrong with me or baby that has gone undetected.
Again I would like to say that this is not easy, whatever's going on, but for the billionth time I'm not anxious ☹️ all I care about is that my baby is healthy- she seems very happy apparently- a very active baby. I'm due another sweep on Thursday at 40+5

[lljkk]

At least it sounds like labour should be a breeze after whatever it is you've been thru.

[FATEdestiny]

Your DH is likely to see you in a far more distraught state, transitioning in labour can be horrendous for husbands too watch. So maybe he could do with toning down how on-edge he is?

OP, have you thought about doing early labour alone? It might be easier for you to remove the anxiety of others trying to do the right thing. You could take yourself into a room you feel comfortable with everything you need and take some time to focus only only yourself. Reflection and meditation as it were.

[ShowOfHands]

I don't think anybody is dismissing it as anxiety op. They're pointing out that it's a reasonable consideration given your presentation and your midwife isn't necessarily ignorant.

[EverythingWillBeFine]

To be honest, especially in the last case, it's your DH and your MIL that look anxious rather than you! It's them that the MW should have talked to :)

I think you need a chat with your DH/birth partner about it.
You need him to understand what BH are and that whatever is happening is (unfortunately) quite normal. Would he go to see your MW and she could explain that to him?

Also I would ask her what she thinks now is a good point to say 'ok that looks like 'proper' contractions, let's go to hospital'.

First labours are usually longer but some first labour are quite short and you want to be in hospital to deliver this baby :)

Finally, you need to have a word with him re being your voice during labour and how to support you. If HE panics because he sees you in pain, that's not going to help.

[user1467618369]

Lol I've thought that many a times, that they're more anxious than me. A part of it is that I think they're so excited and impatient that they think rushing me down will make their daughter/granddaughter appear quicker. It's very sweet but it's not helping . I feel like I'm letting them down when we get there and it's another false alarm. They've never made me feel like that, but husband is quite literally the most sensitive man in the universe. I wouldn't have him any other way, but it can't be longer now. A family member suggested to me that maybe I have an infection or something that she went in just as regular as me before her little girl was born, it wouldn't surprise me but I've had no other symptoms. Thank you again for all the lovely words

[LuckyinOctober]

Hope you give birth soon OP! Just wanted to add that there is room for improvement in our culture generally and including in general health settings about mental health education. One key point it would help people to understand is that making assumptions and generalising on the basis of a past history of anxiety are not helpful. Also, where someone is anxious it's not going to be explicable just by factors to do with them you need to think about the people close to them and their behaviour and relationship styles. In your case OP, MIL and DH sound anxious and it sounds like their reacting to that by rushing is then leading professionals to conclude anxiety is driving the issue, and it does have a role, their mistake is attributing the anxiety to you and not DH and MIL and so their intervention is targeted at the wrong person - I'd agree that what would help is the midwife educating them on practical info on when to bring you in and also some guidance on how to support you in labour by staying strong themselves. Maybe they could even benefit from some anxiety management if they're normally like that, which you've said DH is? The other assumption problem people make is where there's a psychological aspect of a problem they miss the real physical, biological maintaining factors which in your case OP are significant. I'm pleased to hear you're taking an advocacy role now you've recovered from anxiety as that's s great way to combat stigma which is what causes these problems in our society with making negative assumptions, misunderstanding and upsetting communications.

[Biscuitsneeded]

What you're experiencing does sound like latent stage - which can be very stop/start, painful and frustrating. Hopefully this a good thing as you will have less dilating to do once in proper labour and it won't take too long! As I said in my previous post, I had a few episodes like this where we started to think it might be actual labour, so i can understand your MIL and DH thinking it might be. It might be that having gone through all of this latent stage, your actual labour will be straight to contractions every 3 minutes, which is what happened to me. I woke up having very regular contractions, phoned hospital as they were so frequent, they almost laughed when i said they'd only been going on 25 mins but said I could go in to be checked. Got there 30 mins later and was 6cm and in established labour! So you never know, all this pain and frustration might end up helping you along...

[FATEdestiny]

OP, I hope you'll come back to the thread and update us on how the birth did eventually go, once you have your newborn in your arms.

[Andbabymakesthree]

I had a three week latent stage second time around! It was bloody painful and my pain threshold is high when it comes to childbirth! My body was gearing up and mentally I wasn't ready-made proven by the fact the night I made arrangements for my eldest to go to friends to sleep I went into labour--3 days early.
Luckily when labour actually started I felt a real shift in baby and knew this was it.

Good luck OP!

[Cosmo111]

I had on off pains for several weeks with DS they would horrible they would start and then go I went in a couple of times once with bleeding. I was over due in the end and had to be started off. I don't think my body wouldn't allow me to go into labour naturally so had to be induced in the end, even with the induction it take three days to have as it slowed down, several times during labour and had to be put on a drip for the 2nd time. My DD was the only labour which was natural. It could be that your body isn't allowing the labour to progress further. It's massively frustrating as your thinking this is it and it's not. It might be positional aswell my DS was back to back which I think affected going into labour naturally.

[Ditsy4]

Brixton Hicks can be very painful. Just some people don't experience them like that. You have my sympathy. I found it really difficult to tell when to go in and as we lived 35 miles from the hospital it made the choice harder. I ended up going to GP and I was in labour. I then had to wait for an ambulance which had just left to go to the hospital in the other direction! Over two hours later it finally arrived and I had to be in the Doctor's waiting room all that time. Got some funny looks from some of the men. Luckily my GP was an Obstetrician so had I delivered there I would have been ok. Baby arrived intact three hours after getting to hospital.
I found walking helped and rhythmic movement of the hips in a circle. What about yoga?I believe that can be great. Good luck.

[bookbuddy]

They can't stop you going to the birth centre, this is your first time the midwife could of been more supportive. I've got 2 DC and my first I went in at 4cm dilated and was told I'd be there until at least 9am that was at 10pm ( I gave birth at 3am) second time I was told I was only 3cm dilated and could go home for a while I refused and had the baby 2.5 hours later. Both times I was told not coping well. Some people labour differently. If it doesn't feel right go and get checked after all that's why they are there. Good luck.

[WellErrr]

From the midwife's point of view, you're a first time mum with a recent history of medicated anxiety. You've been "rushed" to the hospital 6 times now in a state where you can neither speak about nor cope with what's happening to you. The episode ends at the point of medical attention. I think she's right to consider anxiety because of this

I totally agree with this.

In the nicest way possible OP - what else could she have said? 6 times is a LOT.

Until you are having proper cannot-speak-through-them contractions 3 in ten mins you don't need to go in. Especially if the birth centre is just round the corner.

I really feel for midwives the way they get slagged off. I can't believe you were considering putting in a complaint about her.