confused/dubious about some antenatal class advice.

[qazxc]

Just had my first antenatal class and have had a couple of moments as to what the midwife was saying.
For example she said to me that you don't need to bother with a birthing ball, just get the cheap exercise one for a fiver. I thought that wasn't recommended in case they burst/ get slippy.
She also reckons that wipes (even water wipes or wipes that specifically say they are suitable for newborns) are absolutely never to be used as "they will cut through the babies skin it is so delicate".
Should I take what she is saying with a grain of salt? (I do want to persevere with the classes even if it is just to have the tour of the ward at the end). She is also being quite negative putting the fear of god in anyone planning an epidural or to formula feed.

[TheFantasticFixit]

I wish it was impossible to poo in labour...

[NancyJones]

Blimey, my midwife who delivered my first said I was one of the few women who didn't poo. That was only because I'd had about 20hours of D&V before going into established labour so there was nothing left to come out!

[dreamingbohemian]

At my NHS antenatal class, the midwife told us that it was impossible for a woman to poo during childbirth. I pretty much ignored everything she said after that.

[mopsytop]

It isn't so much the info about cotton wool I'd be worried about, it is the potential for guilt re: epidurals. Rotten enough to have a very difficult labour where you need an epidural without feeling like you have failed in some way. Of course everyone would prefer to do without, but what if you can't? Why should anyone have to feel like they 'didn't do birth right'? Same re: breastfeeding. I really wanted to but I saw about 12 different people who all gave me different advice and none of it ended up working. I see why the NHS want to promote breastfeeding but there could surely be a more balanced approach where mothers who can't (or indeed who for whatever reason, don't want to) are supported properly.

[Erroroccurred]

I would be more upset if mw gave incorrect info and it's NICE guidelines that say newborns should only be cleaned with water for the first six weeks. Of course parents make up their own minds but the info should be accurate.

[NancyJones]

Oh goodness, yes, you definitely need wipes for meconium as no amount of cotton wool and water will do the trick for that bugger! It really is as if you'd dipped your baby in treacle!
As for a steriliser, the microwave ones are so much easier than all the others. No need for sterilising tabs or anything. Just water and pop in for 5mins. Make sure you get one that will fit in your microwave though!

[mopsytop]

Oh, and for sterilising, I found a big plastic tub with a lid and milton liquid (lasts 24 hours) the easiest. You just wash the bottles in hot soapy water, then throw them in the milton tub (having followed the directions on the Milton bottle) and fish out a bottle, teat, lid etc. when you need it. And change the Milton every 24 hours.

[ilovepowerhoop]

I used an exercise ball rather than a birthing ball and used wipes in the hospital from birth! I did try getting meconium off with cotton wool and water but it just wasn't happening.

[SicknSpan]

I was driving within a couple of days of vaginal birth both times. Sitting was ok, walking much more uncomfortable! My "areas" tended to chafe and bruised /swollen fanjo didn't appreciate the movement. So driving was actually preferable ;)

[mopsytop]

I don't think the kind of attitude your midwife displayed is helpful at ALL and I would take it all with a massive pinch of salt. You really don't know what you will want or need until you are in labour, every woman's experience is different. My own baby was back-to-back, I had all the pain in my back (none at all in bump) and contractions for several hours with only 30 seconds in between. The epidural was the BEST FEELING EVER. I ended up with complications due to baby's position and was prepped for an emergency C section but then had baby out with forceps. I honestly think having the epidural had nothing to do with this, the baby was just in the wrong position to come out on her own (she was getting distressed but not coming on her own). Sometimes I wonder whether some of the women who need epidurals have greater pain because there is already some kind of issue, and the resultant escalation is due to that rather than the epidural itself. All this to say a) don't worry about it now and b) I would advise a fairly relaxed birthplan as it is really hard to know what you will want or need in advance and if your birthplan is very open to whatever, then you won't be feeling guilty because you didn't have the birth you wanted or planned. Birth really isn't something you can plan too much I think and needing pain relief or an epidural doesn't make you a weaker person or anything of the sort. It is just a game of chance mostly. Of course, I am not saying that being prepared and doing yoga breathing etc. can't help (I found yoga breathing really really helpful) but sometimes whatever you do to prepare, things happen that you can't control. So it is probably easier to take a less minutely planned route if you feel you can.

I also REALLY wanted to breastfeed SO much, I tried for 6 weeks, I was basically either feeding or expressing all the time, well at least 16 hours a day. It was hell. I was a wreck. I was crying most of the time, I felt SO guilty and such a failure. Looking back it was partly just the exhaustion (lots of which was caused by the crazy feeding schedule) but (like someone else mentioned on this thread) NONE of the midwives said it was okay to stop, they kept saying 'have you tried this, that, the other?'. Believe me, I had tried everything I was told of or could find, I joined a breastfeeding class, the works. Nothing worked. eventually my (lovely, sensible, sympathetic) GP said look at you, you are a stressed out mess, you should be enjoying your little girl, just give her a bottle, she will be absolutely fine. And honestly, the moment I stared fully formula feeding it was like I was a different person. I really started to enjoy my baby for the first time and I stopped crying. I feel now that formula from the start would have been better for her than breastmilk but a massively unhappy, stressed out mum.

All of this long post to say, take all advice with a massive pinch of salt. And rely on your instinct. I have found that mine is nearly always sound. And remember that whatever choice you make, someone, somewhere will judge you for it. And that's okay. You will want the best for your baby but you also need the best for YOU. So don't worry to much and ignore most of what the over-the-top midwife has said! I found the main use of antenatal classes was to meet other mums, we met for coffee or went to playgroups when our babies were small, it was great.

[MinesAPintOfTea]

DS is nearly 2. This week I am using cotton wool and water because he's got dreadful nappy rash (teething) and doing that and using cream means his bottom doesn't bleed at every nappy change. Personally I'll use water rather than wipes on a newborn.

"learn about how to sterilise bottles"
There are multiple methods depending on what type of steriliser you buy. Although they could discuss using milton tablets I suppose.

[NancyJones]

Depends how your birth went. Mine were quick and straightforward and I was up and leaving hospital within a few hours. No stitches, no issues. I was very lucky. I could have driven home from hospital but I didn't, DH did and I napped.
A more difficult vaginal birth requiring stitches may mean you struggle physically for a few days or a week.
A CS will mean no driving for at least 2or3 wks or up to 6.

[Chipandspuds]

Not sure on that one as I learnt to drive when DS was over a year old! I'm sure someone else will know though.

I think if you have a c-section you can't drive for 6 weeks unless you have a doctors note to say you can drive earlier.

[qazxc]

How long before you can drive after birth?

[Chipandspuds]

It's a shame the midwife doesn't sound great!

At my antenatal classes the midwife went through every type of pain relief from lavender oils to epidurals and even explained what would happen if there was an emergency c-section and explained why it could seem like a lot of people there but explained what each persons role was in theatre.

I thought I would breastfeed but couldn't get the hang of it, so I'd recommend to everyone to at least learn about how to sterilise bottles and how to make up formula just in case! I felt it was so complicated although this may have been me having baby brain!

I'd take cotton wool to hospital rather than wipes and then try out wipes when you're back home. I found cotton wool better for the sticky black poo.

You will get a lot of advice, you have to pick and choose what to listen to and what to ignore as you will find your own rhythm.

[Gen35]

Although fairly typical for what they think women want in these classes. The only note of reality in mine was the last session where we had to pick the options we planned to have and the teachers shared what their plan had been and how it turned out.

[ShadowFall]

Definitely sounds too evangelical.

It's OTT for her to try and guiltmonger or scare pregnant women into doing what she considers to be the best way to give birth and feed their babies.

[NancyJones]

Oh and an epidural should absolutely be discussed and offered to women in labour. It wasn't for me as I like to be upright and very active but then my labours are quick. Some women have many hours of labour and the exhaustion must be extreme. Nobody would ever dream of performing any other hugely painful medical procedure without pain relief. I never understand why childbirth isn't treated the same.

[NancyJones]

She sounds a bit too evangelical. She's right about the birthing ball as the ones from Argos are just the same but half or less of the price. With wipes, I think it's policy0. One of mine had very sensitive skin so we kept with cotton wool until about 6wks old as every time we tried to use wipes, he rashed. The other 2 were fine with wipes from day one. I just made sure we used either Simple wipes or Pampers sensitive.

The bf/ff thing is emotive. Everyone knows breast is best but formula is not poison contrary to what some people would have you believe. Many happy, healthy babies are ff from the beginning. Mums need to be happy with their choice and there should def be more support for women choosing to ff. And I say this as someone who bf all of mine for at least 6/7mths.

[Gen35]

Most antenatal classes are built in the myth of choice. Couldn't choose not to have an epidural after induction that took ages as I was exhausted. The baby wipes - depends on how sensitive your baby's skin is. The bf/ff thing again depends on what help you get and what issues you face. People will tell you these are all choices but people have different levels of what they can take. The mw sounds like a real zealot.

[ksrwr]

when my dd was born they put her on me, and she pooed all over my stomach, the midwife grabbed some wipes and wiped her (and me) clean, i did no damage to her whatsoever and she was minutes old. so i wouldn't worry too much about that. but it does make sense to predominently use water only - when at home and its practical - and take wipes out and about with you.

re ball - didn't find it useful at any point of pregnancy or labour, but that's just me.

re the epidural, my ante-natal class teacher told me that a bath or giving birth in water was the same amount of painkiller as an epidural... absolutely bonkers! so yes, take what they say with a grain of salt... i'm sure youre intelligent enough to take or leave what you need/dont need

[AlwaysDancing1234]

Doesn't sound like a particularly good midwife to be honest, might be worth seeing if you can change classes?
One of my midwives who was a dermatologist before she became a midwife actually recommended we use baby wipes (Pampers Sensitive in think they were) rather than water on our newborn as it was better for his eczema.
Sports balls are pretty much the same as birthing balls from what I have seen
I can understand midwife will push breast feeding and 'natural' birth but it's not on for her to scare you or make you feel bad about either, she should simply give the facts. I would say try and switch classes

[qazxc]

I understand that she probably is told to advise the cotton wool method but it was the highly graphic "cut through baby's skin" that had me .
I also get that they have to say that breast is best but let's face it, even if you plan to breasfeed, it doesn't always pan out/isn't always possible. As for actually choosing to FF, the way she was talking it was almost child neglect.
Similarly women that opt for epidurals seem to be weak willed/lazy, are bound to suffer tears and slightly deluded as after all "nobody is going to push that baby out for you".
She also reckons we shouldn't do any research/reading up on the internet as "it's all rubbish".

[weebigmamma]

Wipes: some of the more perfumed ones aren't great for a baby's bum but once I left hospital last time (where they'd only let you use cotton wool and water) I switched to Pampers sensitive wipes and they're were great- cleaned baby well and no irritation (or, er, cut skin!?)

Epidural: do not listen to the bullshit about this. Yes, an epidural can sometimes slow labour down but guess what? You can have a 3 day labour without one as well. You cannot predict how labour will go and contrary to what you might hear there are plenty of women who give birth using an epidural who push their babies out without intervention, and sometimes it's because they've had good pain relief that they're rested up enough to have the energy. Do what is best for you- always! I had a vaginal birth using only gas and air first time and if I was delivering vaginally this time I would go for the epidural, personally, but I have friends who loved their drugs-free birthing experience as well- everyone is different.

Formula feeding: do not listen to the bullshit about this. Yes, 'breast is best', but it's not best if you are in a huge amount of pain, if you don't enjoy it, if you don't want to do it, etc etc etc. I wish so much that I had spent the first few weeks of my baby's life getting to know her and what worked best for the both of us rather than beating myself up to the point of almost feeling suicidal because I couldn't breast feed. I'm not even exaggerating. And not one midwife would tell me it was OK to stop. It took a doctor who threatened to send me back to the hospital if I continued trying to make me realise what I was doing to myself and my child. From that day she did really well on formula- all the crap about how she was going to get ill and catch colds all the time was apparently bollocks- she's really healthy (and I have friends whose kids were breastfed to age 1 and got every cold going, constantly!). Again- do what is best for YOU. Some people love breastfeeding but it's not for every parent/child. I haven't given birth to number 2 yet and have already been told not to use a dummy because of nipple confusion! lol they must be joking- I've bought the dummies already. Lots of people feed both breast and formula milk as well- the myth about nipple confusion is just that- a myth.

Sorry for going a bit ranty but this kind of thing winds me up so much and I am convinced that my guilt, as added to by people like your midwife, the last time was what propelled me into post natal depression. I am really determined not to let this happen this time around.

[ShadowFall]

We used wipes (the sensitive no fragrance ones) on DS2 from his very first nappy change.

They did not cut through his delicate newborn skin. We were in the postnatal ward for the best part of a week and not one midwife remarked at all on my use of wipes.