Blood boiling after hospital appt today - sorry long one

[babyhmummy01]

Ok, so I arrived in plenty of time for my 0830 apt, there was no one in the waiting room and yet they still managed to be 10 mins late, so I can forgive that, my DBIL is a surgeon so I know they can be called away or in meetings that run over etc, but am called through by a Maternity Assistant (I believe they are just HCA's?) who calls out "Mrs Babyh" it never even registered it was me as I am Ms not Mrs so took a few minutes. I politely corrected her that I am Ms not Mrs and was rudely told "Well we call everyone Mrs here" This has not been my past experience with the hospital as they have either called me by my first name or Ms Babyh so was not a great start. Then the Consultant barely had 2 words to say to me, anaesthetist wasn't available so had to wait for the on call one to be paged - sorry but YOU made the apt so why the heck wasn't he there for my 0830 apt.

He was ok but very strongly insisting and bordering on demanding I had no choice over labour other than an epidural which I REALLY don't want. I explained to him that unless absolutely medically necessary I did not want an epidural as the thought of being out of control, on a bed, unable to move terrifies the life out of me. He reluctantly agreed but due to my asthma and allergy to pain meds I can only have that or Entenox which I said was fine. He listened to my chest and said I could leave the hospital but never gave me my notes back.

I called in at the reception desk to ask how I got my notes back and a different Maternity Assistant to above said she would go and find them for me. Then out of the blue the rude assistant appears and barks at me that I can leave as the Doctor has finished with me and I don't need to be there. I tried to politely (through gritted teeth) tell her that I needed my notes to which I was told "well she has just told you she is getting them" - Queue my blood really starting to boil at this point.

The nice MA came back with my notes and muttered that as discussed with Consultant I was now under MW led care, I explained that nothing of that ilk had been discussed and that the as the anaesthetist was demanding epidural and possibly spinal for a c section if my asthma is still bad when I go into labour then I needed to be consultant led so off she trotted to confirm...am I wrong to be really annoyed and quite upset by this whole debacle?! I am considering writing to the hospital and complaining but not sure if I am taking it too muh to heart...please help

[Kelly1814]

I've had at least 10 consultant appointments this pregnany ( high risk) and not one has been on time. Shortest I had to wait is ten minutes, once i waited2 hours. i am paying for private care and work full time so have a team of people and clients who are usually expecting me to be back at the office when I am delayed.

I have accepted that this is the way it is, usually go with a book, and am then pleasantly surprised if the wait isn't too long.

Has made me much more relaxed.

[rallytog1]

Lateness is par for the course with any hospital appointment because lots of unexpected things happen and they have to prioritise - if any medical professional was in the middle of a procedure with you but stopped half way through and said "Sorry, I've got to stop this life or death thing I'm doing for you and go to an appointment," you'd probably be pretty unimpressed.

They have to prioritise and I for one would rather have a late routine/non-urgent appointment than worry about care at critical stages being disrupted.

Also I doubt anyone can make you have an epidural. You have to give consent and then stay pretty still while they put it in. So I don't think you can be forced. However, when it comes to it, you may be glad of the option - I was adamant I didn't want one but am really glad I did in the end. It may be worth you asking about mobile epidurals - they allow you to move about a bit and you can still feel everything but it stops it hurting!

[lottieandmia]

I think you may be overreacting a bit. If this was me I would probably just shrug it off and move on. 'Pick your battles' is good advice here. I also agree the 'Mrs' thing was a non issue really - as others have said your title may not have been on the notes.

I personally tried to avoid having a baby in hospital because I don't really enjoy being in one. But if you are under consultant care (I was too) then this is difficult, and it sounds as if you are scheduled for an induction from what you say?

[maja00]

The Ms/Mrs thing is irrelevant I agree, but there was absolutely no need for the MA to be so rude and you were right to complain imo.

[lottieandmia]

When I was waiting to see a doctor about the surgery I was having I waited 1 hour and 15 minutes! I had children to get back to and he didn't even say sorry about the wait. But I do agree that you have to expect this from the NHS and I try to balance the negative experiences of waiting (lots!) with the more positive outcomes that I've had overall (of which there are a lot).

[babyhmummy01]

thanks applepiesky

the hospital obviously agree she was out of order as they have emailed already and are getting a senior nurse to call me to discuss the Maternity Assistant

[TalkativeJim]

Well the Mrs thing is hardly a non-issue if the net result of that interaction is to leave the patient angry, feeling insulted and with an overall future disinclination to respect the opinion of a HCP, is it?

[TobyLerone]

I'm pretty sure the 'just a HCA' comment at the beginning showed a lack of respect on the OP's part from the beginning.

[babyhmummy01]

as I have said up thread I was less bothered by the mrs v ms thing as her attitude when I corrected her. Mrs Babyh is my mother, it is not something I have ever been called and unfortunately due to where my family name comes from there are an awful lot of ppl with my surname locally so it did take a few seconds to register who she meant, but the point remains that when politely corrected and by politely I very nicely said " sorry, I am Ms not Mrs" I got a shitty response and attitude from her which is what I have a problem with.

All she needed to have said politely was 'sorry, we tend to call everyone Mrs' but she had to be arsey about it

[ComtessedeFrouFrou]

It doesn't sound to me like the doctors were called away to deal with urgent matters - this appt was first thing and was prearranged long in advance. And if they had been, what's wrong with an apology for their absence and an explanation?

As for the Ms/Mrs thing, I agree that I would have recognised my name, but it is not on to say " we call everyone Mrs here". That's just lazy and makes me wonder what else they've missed. But as a PP said, I've only ever ever been called by my full name i.e. Comtesse DeFrouFrou, not Mrs DeFrouFrou - I have a common surname, saves confusion.

[babyhmummy01]

Comtessed when I queried why it was an on call anaesthetist I was told they hadn't made an apt they just call them when they need them

[ditavonteesed]

you do realise that 'just HCA's 'pick up on the fact that you think they are just a HCA and hold no value to their opinion at all, she made a mistake, and I dont believe for a second that you politly corrected her.

[jinglebellmel]

'Just be glad you are getting hospital care' ??? We do pay taxes in this country and are entitled to hospital care! I appreciate that we are lucky compared to some less fortunate countries where they don't have an NHS but that doesn't mean that people should be grateful for whatever shoddy service the NHS choose to offer them!

The Mrs/Ms thing I see as a bit of a non-issue as it isn't something that would bother me personally and I can see in a busy environment the HCA might be a bit 'oh for God's sake!' that you were correcting her. However there isn't really any need for rudeness especially as it happened on more than one occasion. The mix up with MW/consultant lead care is more concerning and you should be able to trust that these things are correct without having to query them, surely?

As others have said personally I would get the medical issues sorted and try to forget the rest. I don't think you come across as 'Arsey' and I don't think that because some people have have mroe stressful appointments or worse experiences that it makes yours okay, it isn't a competition after all. If you can't sympathise with others just because you've had a worse time of it yourself then I think that's a little sad.

[ZuluWarrior]

To perhaps speak on behalf of the anaesthetist . Sounds like he wasn't the most tactful or sympathetic. Unfortunately decent clinicians don't always have the best bedside manners which is something I find incredibly frustrating about my job. Sounds like they had a very good point about at least broaching the subject of an epidural but it could have been handled much more sensitively.

Not having an anaesthetist at your appointment: there could be several reasons for this. 1. Your obstetrician may not have identified the need for one until they saw you (you'll know the answer to this). 2. There may have been sickness/absence. 3. The NHS is under a huge amount of pressure at the moment and, with the best will in the world, there just aren't enough clinicians to cover every session the way there should. The trust may not have granted funding to have a seperate anaesthetist attend that clinic (so the on-call one must juggle a busy labour suite with the antenatal clinic). Not ideal. Sadly this is the reality across the country.

If you're not happy with the upshot of your discussion, arrange another one - this is your right.

Good luck!

[ceara]

I am a Ms and I politely correct it if someone gets my name wrong - as does my DH if he is called Mr Mylastname :-) - and I'd expect a polite "oh, I'm sorry, yes of course" in reply. Bad manners upset me too, while good manners make everyone's life a bit pleasanter. But sometimes we have to let these things go for the sake of our own stress levels.

Confusion about your future treatment and care is worrying, especially at this stage, and I hope you are able to follow up and get some clear answers to put your mind at ease.

[christinarossetti]

Given how many clinical appointments are 'no shows', I can honestly understand why they didn't have an anaesthetist just sitting around hoping that people turn up. You asked them why it was the on call, they gave an explanation, so that's really the end of that tbh.

This isn't a criticism, but I wonder if some of the anger and indignation directed at the MA is in fact an expression of the anxieties and fear you have about your birth. Is this your first baby? Anticipating birth can be stressful enough, without a serious medical condition like asthma and allergy to pain relief. You mentioned that you're terrified of being immobilised on a bed with an epidural (I can completely relate to this).

My best advice would be to spend the next bit thinking through your birth options, and making as clear a plan as possible to reflect your wishes but also to take into account the 'what ifs' eg if you do decide to have an epidural, would you like have the lowest possible dose?

Make sure that anyone who may be with you during labour has a copy of your plan and knows that they may need to advocate for you.

Hope that all goes well.

[Sleepyfergus]

Just because a senior nurse is going to contact you re the MA doesn't necessarily mean the hospital agree with you. They have to follow up on complaints, so will just be following procedure.

In afraid I find you quite abrasive too and agree the Mrs/Ms thing is such a non issue. You should focus on the most important part and that is your birth plan and what will or will not happen according to your wishes on the day.

Pregnancy and giving birth are such monumental events, don't swear the small stuff. Okay, the MA was a bit rude, are you sure your attitude wasn't already slightly tainted by the fact they kept you waiting 10 mins??

[Sleepyfergus]

• sweat

[babyhmummy01]

have spoken to the senior nurse who agrees the MA was out of order and that she should not be calling everyone Mrs as this is not policy, as I pointed out had it been that alone I would not have bothered complaining but the second incident was unnecessary as she interjected in something she had no business being involved with. The nurse has apologised and mentioned that the lady has a record of this sort of aggressive and rude behaviour so it would be dealt with

As for the rest I have arranged to see my MW on Tuesday so I can discuss everything with her and hopefully she can get some clarification on matters

[TobyLerone]

The nurse has apologised and mentioned that the lady has a record of this sort of aggressive and rude behaviour so it would be dealt with

It seems very unlikely indeed that she would have disclosed this information to you, even if it were true.

[volvocowgirl]

I've worked in the NHS and I've been overworked and stressed and I don't think that's an excuse to be this rude. Could you ring PALS in your area and complain? I think you should. It's not acceptable at all.

[MrsBungle]

I have to agree with those who have said you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.

The senior midwife told you that this maternity assistant has a history of aggressive and rude behaviour? How is the senior midwife going to deal with it?

I'd be much more concerned with the consultant giving incorrect information about whether they or the midwives were to lead my care tbh.

[babyhmummy01]

well tobyLerone you were not at my appointment and neither were you on the phone with myself and the senior nurse so it doesn't really matter whether you want to call me a liar or not to be honest!

Volvocowgirl at the suggestion of a RL friend I have forwarded the issue to the CQC as our hospital has a history of crappy bedside manner (she works there so should know lol) but I will have a look for PALS, I know my GP has one but not sure about the hospital but will certainly look into it, thanks for the suggestion