A bit of background. I had DD 3 years ago, I had a lovely pregnancy but had a birth that left me in fear of having another child. I told my DP that we can never have another child as I am not giving birth again, and he was fine with that. Fast foward nearly 3 years, and we both felt broody for another. We tried and got pregnant 1st time which was a total shock, and I threw up when I saw the positive test. That was 5 weeks ago and for the last 5 weeks I have been suffering from depression and have started thinking about having an abortion for the last couple of days. My DP has told everyone I am pregnant, including our DD, everyone is so excited. I cannot muster up any excitiement and my DP is very upset as he thinks I do not want this baby. I do want the baby but I do not want to be pregnant and give birth again. I have not slept well for the last 5 weeks, I keep waking up early and think 'on no what have I done.' I have not been able to cook or clean for the last 5 weeks my DP has to do it when he gets home from work. Me and DD have just been staying in watching tv, I feel in constant fear I am going to give birth, and I am only 8 weeks pregnant. I keep thinking, I was happy with one, what have I done.
My birth was probably not that bad compared to a lot of peoples. Both me and DD were fine which is the main thing. But I just felt like I was tortured. I got to 7cm at home and then went to hospital and got to 10cm with no problem on gas and air. Then my contractions stopped and I was put straight on a drip and was forced to push for over 3 hours without gas and air even though I had no urge to push. I felt like I was being electrocuted up my spine every couple of minutes for over 3 hours while being forced to push. Then they discovered the baby had not moved and was stuck. So I had a forcepts delivery which was fine apart from I had a 3rd degree tear to my bowel, as well as cut at the front for the forcepts. I was on the borderline of having a blood transfusion. But that part was fine. It was the 3+ hours of electric shocks up my back while on the drip while being told I was not pushing hard enough that have left me too terrified to have this baby. I don't know what to do.
Sorry for long post.
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Pregnant with much wanted second child but am now to scared to go through with it
48 replies
soscared2012 · 29/11/2012 15:13
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