Breastfeeding in church?

[TakeLovingChances]

This is quite difficult for me to write, but not bad enough to need a name change. Just looking for different opinions/experiences.

DH and I have been active members in our church for 3 years, attending Sunday morning and evening services, which DH still does. We both love the people there and the worship.

Our PFB is 3-months-old and I've made the effort to get myself and him up and ready for church a handful of times. I breastfeed DS and there have been times he's needed fed when we're in the service.

Once I've sat in the car outside to feed him then I got a bit annoyed thinking that I may as well have stayed at home. More recently I've sat in the back row to feed him, but haven't felt comfortable.

I live in an area with one of the lowest bf rates in the world and there are only 3 other women I've spoken to in my congregation who bf their children years ago. There are some other children in our church a similar age to DS, they are ff.

Okay, this is getting really long.... umm, will wrap it up:

Basically, no one has said to me to not bf DS in church. But I hate the feeling that people won't sit beside or talk to me while he's feeding That makes me feel that it's not welcome so I should just stay at home.

So that's what I do. DS & I stay at home while DH goes to church.

It's having a negative effect on my faith, Bible learning and opportunities for fellowship.

Do you think I've done wrong by bfing in church, by avoiding church now, or by letting it make me sad?

I could just be sensitive with the new-mother hormones, but it had really upset me.

[abdnhiker]

I always fed my two in the porch/vestibule area and felt ridiculous for it, since I would have BF anywhere else and church is for me one of my most comfortable places. I have no idea why I was hung up about it.... I had no issues feeding at coffee time though, just during the service.

our church has a retired minister who always makes a point when the boys have been particularly loud and disruptive (IMO) of saying how important it is to have children in a church and how he likes to hear them playing. It has made a huge difference to me and keeps me attending... I hope you can find someone like that who will help to support you without you even needing to ask for it!

[LittleSilver]

Toccatanfudge, that is brilliant! OP, get yourself back to church! You obviously miss it and I hardly think that Jesus is going to mind you feeding your baby in his own house! I bf all of mine at church; ours is a very young church (many families) and most women sit just outside the hall to feed (lots of chairs, sermon is relayed through, water on hand etc) but I have to say I don't as I KNOW I will end up gossiping about shoes instead of listening to the Word

[OrganicHairbrush]

Can't add anything more to what has been said. But I see breastfeeding in church as am important statement and witness that the breast is something God gave me to produce milk to feed my baby. I would feel wrong hiding that, especially when so few people (in our area too) have the confidence to BF.

But I've never seen a breastfeeding organist

[sethstarkaddersmum]

If you're interested, there is a reference in Larkrise to Candleford (the original book, obv, not the tv series) to sitting in church listening to the verger's young wife suckling her baby. So there's evidence the Victorians could cope with it!

[dawntigga]

From what I know of your God, He wouldn't mind in the least if you bf in His church so why should his followers? If you believe your God designed you the way you are why would He have issues with you bf'ing? If His followers do tell them to forgive you

I respect other peoples religions and have bf'd in churches, nobody has ever said anything.

NotThatIGoLookingForChurchesToBfInJustNeededToWhilstThereTiggaxx

[mrsgordonfreeman]

fwiw, I've bf my baby in synagogue and didn't think twice about it, mostly because I was aware that Christian friends of mine were happily feeding in church.

Keep on keeping on...

[wisteriawoman]

I went to Catholic church as a kid and it was de rigeur for the mums to bf in the front row. TBH the only people embarrassed were me and the other kids. Me and my sister still talk about it. THis was in the 70's. Anyway the lovely celibate priests didn't seem fazed by it.

Most people can bf discretely - and you can too!

[ShoshanaBlue]

I used to...didn't particularly enjoy it much... but when a baby is hungry, then you have to feed. After all, no-one would even dare to ask the question about bottle fed babies. Nor would it be expected to cover a bottle fed baby's head up with a shawl while feeding either.

[madhairday]

Can't add much but my support. I bet people are trying not to make you feel uncomfortable. Just plonk yourself next to someone and feed away. I fed all the time in church, don't think anyone even noticed tbh. Go for it and don't let it get to you or upset your faith. Enjoy your baby

[catinthehat2]

DawnHasIt.

[SmellsLikeTeenSweat]

TLC, I think you should ask people about this, bring it out into the open,(so to speak!) and just say that you want to feed your baby, but not offend anyone. Some people, who haven't thought about it, might be offended, so you need to give them a chance to get used to the idea.

I would definately have a quiet word with the Minster about it, get him on-side.

[ZZZenAgain]

but if you have taken to sitting in the back row of course no one is there sitting next to you chatting to you.

Speak to a woman you get on well with at church and ask if she could sit next to you for this reason. Tell her how you've been feeling uncomfortable and stayed home because of it but miss going to church. If she is one side of you, dh on the other and you are being reasonably discreet. How can it be a problem?

If you worry it may really be a problem, speak to the vicar, minister, priest. I am sure they will reassure you. Our church has a room which dp with small dc can use for this purpose or just if the small dc are getting restless, so I assume most bf mothers use it. Tbh I have never thought about it before

[Gracie123]

I gave up BFing far earlier than I would have liked looking back, and TBH it's because I had never seen anyone else do it.

We were new to the area and although other mums all said they had done it, I was too embarrassed at being the only one doing it. A year on, I've quit, the church (and village) has had a baby boom and loads of people are BFing and no-one bats an eye-lid! I guess I just had DS at a strange time when everyone else seemed to be using formula?

I'm definitely going to try and be more confident re: BFing with next baby. Don't let other people put you off. They are probably not thinking half of what you are imagining IYSWIM.

[ZZZenAgain]

"DH is in the worship group of our church so spends majority of the service up near the front, on stage or close to stage.

I think a lot of it is my self-esteem in the church. I feel like no one will care if I'm not around for a few months until I stop breastfeeding, although I know people will miss seeing DS. I haven't been for 3 weeks."

maybe dh could sit next to you though for now so you feel less stranded.

Another thing generally is why do you have no self-esteem there and feel they won't care ifyou're not around? Is that dh's regular church and you are new there?

[EightiesChick]

Adding to the others, I breastfed my DS in church when he was 3 months old and I was there for the Easter service (am an occasional rather than a regular) and even though it wasn't 'my' church I attend every week no-one made me feel unwelcome. I really that this is your worry and that other people aren't seeing it that way, they're just trying to respect (as they see it) your privacy and not crowd you while you're feeding.

My other concern would be that, as a first-time mum, it already seems so hard to get out of the house at all, that I would be very careful not to convinve yourself that it is better to stay away. Sometimes it seems that way and you think you'd rather have an easy life and stay at home than try to go out when you know your DC will want feeding for the fifth time in 3 hours and you'll have to stop for that and so on. But isolating yourself, especially from something that is a comfort and solace to you, is more damaging long-term and is surely more likely to leave you prey to PND - especially as you've said it's at least partly a self-esteem issue. I bet people have missed you (you, not DS) in your absence. Screw up your courage and go back.

[Elasticwoman]

TAkelovingchances: ah, those were the days, bf-ing in church. I remember doing it with dd1 when at my godmother's Requiem Mass funeral. A nun and a priest both came up and spoke to me in a very friendly way, trying to be helpful after I'd latched dd on before the service.

On another occasion I was bf-ing during a sermon in a Methodist church and people were smiling and chuckling all around me because the glug glug noises dd was making were rather loud and noticeable! After she had finished feeding I took her out because I knew she would then become unsettled and distract other people. The lay preacher spoke to me afterwards saying - we are a family friendly church, I hope you didn't feel you had to take the baby out. It turned out he had not even realised I was bf-ing just before that.

If it is right to bf, it is imperative that it is done in public. Feeding choices that mothers make are very much influenced by peer pressure and what they see other people doing.

Well done for raising awareness of bf in your area.

[supergreenuk]

It is possible you are being sensitive...after all it is church and the people there should be the most accepting. There are ways you can do it without advertising your doing it so it is a shame your faith has to suffer for it.

I BF in church and usually use a sling for my modesty and to help people feel comfortable about it. After all a lot of people don't respond well because they are embarrased.

I really hope you manage to work through this. x

[UniS]

You may be being a tad over sensitive.
TBH I'd not talk to or move to sit next to a mum and baby while they are feeding, I'd not want to distract the baby- I remember how embarrassing it was to have my baby pull off mid feed for look and be squirting milk every where.

Feed where you need too , where ever works for you 2. But also accept that other people don't have to go out of their way to give you "permission" to feed or make you " extra welcome", they won't, coz they don't need to. You and DH and Baby are all part of that church family and hopefully will remain so for years to come.

[moaningminniewhingesagain]

I have only been in a church once in the last 14/15 years, but I had DS with me for his cousin's christening. DS was about 4mo at the time and I fed him a couple of times during proceedings, fairly discreetly.

I didn't worry about it at all, seemed a natural thing to do in a church and it occured to me that it would be 'not very Christian' to mind, IYKWIM.

TBH, I was more nervous about being in a church, than about the feeding, I don't have a faith so it was all a bit different.

[ZZZenAgain]

"I know I've lost my way a bit recently just don't know how to take up the place I had before in the church, plus all my nerves about breastfeeding just make it harder. "

I don't know why your self esteem has taken such a knocking. If you are too uncomfortable to approach your minister and the church leaders with what seems too trivial a problem for you (which actually I do not think it is), how about someone else? Is your minister married, could you ask his wife for some advice?

I am sure they miss your active involvement and your presence there.

What is your dh's opinion?

[Livingbytheriver]

I would go to God directly and ask for his opinion...

[Elasticwoman]

Hear hear Rasputin.

Also, I don't suppose Mary had all these scruples when the shepherds, Wise Men and every one else came to visit baby Jesus.

[TakeLovingChances]

Zzzenagain I think I have been being a bit over sensitive. I don't mind you all telling me that, I can take it!

My Minister is married, I've spoken to his wife about it. She FF her son (who is the same age as me), but she was supportive about the BF.

I've also talked to one or two others who breastfed. They told me to just get on with it wherever I was sitting; if DS needs fed then feed him! Simple advice really.

Gracie it's sad that you stopped bfing early for that reason. I know what you mean. My mum is almost 50 and I'm the 1st person she's ever seen bfing!

I hadn't really seen anyone bfing until I started to do it.

I must fly the flag for public bfing! I intend to go to church on Sunday and feed DS if he needs it.

Thanks all.