Breastfeeding in church?

[TakeLovingChances]

This is quite difficult for me to write, but not bad enough to need a name change. Just looking for different opinions/experiences.

DH and I have been active members in our church for 3 years, attending Sunday morning and evening services, which DH still does. We both love the people there and the worship.

Our PFB is 3-months-old and I've made the effort to get myself and him up and ready for church a handful of times. I breastfeed DS and there have been times he's needed fed when we're in the service.

Once I've sat in the car outside to feed him then I got a bit annoyed thinking that I may as well have stayed at home. More recently I've sat in the back row to feed him, but haven't felt comfortable.

I live in an area with one of the lowest bf rates in the world and there are only 3 other women I've spoken to in my congregation who bf their children years ago. There are some other children in our church a similar age to DS, they are ff.

Okay, this is getting really long.... umm, will wrap it up:

Basically, no one has said to me to not bf DS in church. But I hate the feeling that people won't sit beside or talk to me while he's feeding That makes me feel that it's not welcome so I should just stay at home.

So that's what I do. DS & I stay at home while DH goes to church.

It's having a negative effect on my faith, Bible learning and opportunities for fellowship.

Do you think I've done wrong by bfing in church, by avoiding church now, or by letting it make me sad?

I could just be sensitive with the new-mother hormones, but it had really upset me.

[jaabaar]

Pope Francis recently encouraged women who came to his service to breast feed in church if needed.

[Gracie123]

Yeah, we've been chatting about it a bit because I am due to have DC2 in a few weeks and DH and I are moving 'back home' (south). I was a little nervous about it, but we will still be about 40 min drive away from them all, and I think it will be fine.

[Elasticwoman]

I'm sorry for your sister, Gracie.

Peer group pressure, and pressure from immediate family are the biggest influences on the success of breastfeeding imo.

[Gracie123]

TBH I live in England, and some people (whilst encouraging if you ask them outright) are not very comfortable with BFing.

My own mother (who BFed me and sisters) was very uncomfortable being in a room with us BFing. She seemed to think we should hide in bedrooms etc... as it was a 'private thing'. She certainly thought it was unreasonable to BF (even with a shawl covering baby) if there were men present.

Fortunately I live a long way away, so I didn't bear the brunt of it too much. My poor sis lives with parents and gave up BFing her kids within a week or two each time because she said she didn't produce enough milk. Can't help thinking that might have something to do with the stress of being made to feel like an outcast for feeding your baby tbh...

[iamfabregasted]

Elastic - I don't know if there's a difference between up here and down south, but I hardly know anyone else who BF their baby other than me, and no one else who did it as long as I did with DC2 and DC4!!

DS1 ended up being FF from about 6 weeks coz I was young, stupid, and listened to the HV.

DS2 was BF until a year, DD1 was FF from 4 weeks or so but she had multiple food intolerances and lots of other issues, so it had to be like that.

DD2 (who is DC4) was BF until almost 18 months. I know no one else who BF that long!! And I know on here it isn't that long but I felt like I was breaking new ground at the time. I will admit that it was as much to do with the fact that she just wouldn't take a bottle of any description though lol.

TLC - good to hear the Mater are good, mine were born in the Waveney (which isn't there anymore) and the Ulster, the Ulster wasn't bad by the time I got to DD2 but by that stage I was a bit older and a bit bolshie and was determined I was going to feed her (6 hour discharge helped too though I just wanted to get home - house move a week later lol)

None of my friends BF for any length of time - a few weeks, but almost all had stopped by 6 or 7 weeks.

I was just lazy and tight - its free, and its easier in the middle of the night!

[ZZZenAgain]

ok then if there is a general culture of frowning on bf where you are, possibly you are not being too sensitive and they genuinely don't like it`

So what though really? They like you, they like the baby and if you are sitting in the back pew most of the time to bf, unless they are craning their necks round the whole time, how is it bothering them?

[Elasticwoman]

I had heard that the Irish were less likely to bf than those from other parts of the UK but I'm not sure why. Any difference between Eire and NI in this respect do you think?

I know it was Southern and not Northern Ireland but in the film Angela's Ashes I squirmed to see a mother in dire poverty artificially feeding (don't even know if it was formula)a succession of babies who died, while the older children went hungry.

[Builde]

I always BF in church but we live in an area of very high BFing take-up and every baby at our church was BF for at least 6 months.

[TakeLovingChances]

Knockraven, I had DS in the Mater in February and they were encouraging about me wanting to bf. I had a private side room, so I'm not sure how many of the other new mums bf or ff on the ward.

But out of the 9 women I know who have had babies in the past year in my social group, only 2 of us are bfing

In my church, afaik, the last person to bf was a missionary worker from South America who visited for a while. Out of the NI natives in my congregation only a handful bf their kids who are now my age (mid-20s) or similar. In 1970s and 1980s ff was the way to go, according to my mum and aunts.

By bfing DS in church I'm like a pioneer!

[iamfabregasted]

My mum bf my wee brother (he's 30 on Friday) and I suppose I just thought it was normal, but I hever ever knew anyone else who breastfed until I did it with DS1 who is almost 20. And it was very frowned upon - the babies were taken away all night every night to the nursery, and I had to battle to feed him in the night - they wanted to give him bottles all night!!

Thankfully, in the lovely old cottage hospital there was a very elderly midwife who was just about to retire who was very encouraging!!!

[TakeLovingChances]

I (the OP) and knockraven live in different parts of Co. Antrim, NI.

My mum ff all of us, my grandmothers ff all their children etc.

[iamfabregasted]

Oh elastic you have no idea. She really really had a problem with it - my eldest is almost 20 and was BF and she said then it was disgusting, my youngest is 8 and it was still not acceptable then either.

I didn't mind - was a good excuse not to go there lol!!

She's the soon-to-be-ex mil now btw!!

[Elasticwoman]

The mil who said it was disgusting and formula was better for babies sounds extremely stupid. Formula milk is the biggest marketing con of the last century. Don't get me started.

[iamfabregasted]

Zzzen I don't either but it is quite common here.

[WelliesAndPyjamas]

I had to BF ds2 in church during a wedding. He then slept for the rest of it. I got everyone telling me afterwards what a lovely quiet baby he was

FWIW, on the wall of a very old church in St Fagan's welsh heritage musem, there is a mural of the virgin Mary breastfeeding baby Jesus.

[ZZZenAgain]

where o you live (vaguely)? Pre-formula everyone had to bf though, right? I never get what is disgusting about it tbh.

So people may really be disapproving then?

[iamfabregasted]

zzen - where tlc is, which is also where I am, breastfeeding is totally uncommon still. My ex MIL told me it was disgusting and that formula was better for my babies....

[ZZZenAgain]

argh in our chance- supposedto read in our church...

[ZZZenAgain]

yes go on Sunday and enjoy it. Really if a woman bf in our church I am sure I would not even notice it tbh. And go back to your bible group if you are not too tired, I am sure they will fuss around you and the baby if you give them half a chance. MOthers in our chance have to fight to hold their baby, we are all lunging after them all the time. One mum just plonks her baby is someone' arms and goes off to get a cup of tea and mingle.

NObody loves having the baby round but not the mother. That just doesn't happen.

Most people if they are not coming to sit and chat with you while you bf just assume they would be disturbing you and/or the baby. As soon as they hear, oh it is so nice when someone comes and chats to me when I bf or similar, they will.

[Elasticwoman]

TLC - shocked to hear your mother never saw any one bf until you did it! I am same age as her and saw lots of friends bf before I got pg, which I am sure influenced me.

[iamfabregasted]

Can't this weekend unfortunately, away to wee bro's birthday in Scotland, but any other time

[iamfabregasted]

TLC - email me - I'll come to your church and sit beside you if you want

[frakkit]

Good for you!

You have the moral weight of MN behind you

[TakeLovingChances]

Zzzenagain I think I have been being a bit over sensitive. I don't mind you all telling me that, I can take it!

My Minister is married, I've spoken to his wife about it. She FF her son (who is the same age as me), but she was supportive about the BF.

I've also talked to one or two others who breastfed. They told me to just get on with it wherever I was sitting; if DS needs fed then feed him! Simple advice really.

Gracie it's sad that you stopped bfing early for that reason. I know what you mean. My mum is almost 50 and I'm the 1st person she's ever seen bfing!

I hadn't really seen anyone bfing until I started to do it.

I must fly the flag for public bfing! I intend to go to church on Sunday and feed DS if he needs it.

Thanks all.