New friend giving dd a Bible as a SS present

[Chillyboots]

We recently moved to a new area and my eldest dd is in year 9. She started this new school in October and made some new friends.
She says her friends parents are very strict and I don't think they are allowed social media. She had to buy her a Secret Santa present and was really unsure what to buy. She ended up with getting her some chocolate and some lip balm but she didn't even know if she'd be allowed the lip balm!
DD has said her friend is going to get her a Bible which seems a bit odd to me.

I have asked dd if she'd like to invite her friend around but dd said she'd rather not ask her.

I grew up in a very strict Evangelical/Pentecostal household. My dad wouldn't let my mum wear make up and we were all made to go to church on Sunday. All skirts had to be below knee and we didn't even have a TV. Books with swear words in (including school books) were burnt on our Rayburn so I do know about this way of life.
At university, I joined a couple of Pentcostal churches and didn't have a great experience tbh. I got very depressed and confused with it all and at the same time I was studying Theology.
I left the church and I don't attend one now although I have been to some really nice churches in between.

I'm not against her being friends with Christians at all but I am worried that she gets sucked into some kind of cult. I am waiting to see what kind of 'Bible' she brings back.

I also work in secondary school and just can't imagine any of my students giving out Bibles as SS presents.

Am i reading too much into this?

[spilltheteapot]

Utterly bizarre behaviour from the friend and parents! How offensive and controlling to give a religious text as a secret Santa gift. Unhinged actually!

[Wolfpa]

Your story doesn’t ring fully true. The whole point of a secret Santa is you don’t know who is getting your present. How does your daughter know who and what she is getting in that scenario?

you could be over thinking a situation that is never going to happen and if it does happen it’s just a book it doesn’t mean that all of a sudden she has joined a cult.

[Chillyboots]

Wolfpa, another friend told her from the SS group.

[Chillyboots]

Granted, probably should have waited to write this post once SS present has been received.

[PostmansKnock]

Madness.

My dd had a friend who was a JW. She wasn't allowed to do anything. My dd gave her a gel pen for her birthday, obviously they don't do birthdays and the friend asked my dd to keep it in her blazer pocket as she wasn't allowed it. Dd handed it over every day.

When they were supposed to do a piece of work together for their GCSES I said they could all meet at mine as I have a big table and she wasn't allowed to do that. I offered to meet the parents beforehand and I even offered my DBS to no avail.

My dd said 'it's like they don't want her to pass' and I thought no, I imagine they don't.

[Switcher]

On its own I don't really see an issue with a bible as a gift, but in context I'd be a bit worried too. Maybe talk to your DD more about it, it's hardly one step from being friends at school or getting a bible to joining a Pentecostal cult.

[Chillyboots]

Postmans - that's what I'm worried about. She's new to the area and vulnerable to this kind of thing.

[PostmansKnock]

That's not how either of my teenagers do it. They do,it as a way of deciding who is buying each person a gift.

And I've seen many a thread on here where families do it that way.

[PaperDoIIs]

She's either fully living the lifestyle and believing, in which case she probably think she's doing a "good" thing for DD or she's just toeing the line and desperate to break free.


Either way, unless your DD is extremely vulnerable or gullible, I don't see her getting sucked in by something so different and contrary to her lifestyle,upbringing etc. She's just getting some exposure to something different and odds are all the rules and restrictions will actually seem ridiculous and oppressive.

[WandaWonder]

If it was my child at that age they would have said thank you stuck it in a book pile and it would have stayed there ever since.

Sure odd present but would press the big red panic button and turning it into a dramatic saga

[Chillyboots]

Paperdolls, that's true.

[Rocksonabeach]

I’d contact the parents on the wats app and ask what they are doing for the ss and point out it must be neutral, and not offensive sending any religious things is a no.

[YellowDots]

@Rocksonabeach

I’d contact the parents on the wats app and ask what they are doing for the ss and point out it must be neutral, and not offensive sending any religious things is a no.

Contact the parents on WhatsApp? For a year nine child?

Also you can't tell people no religion at Christmas!

I'd just tell dd to keep doing what she's doing. Being friends with the girl and with other people. And I'd keep a more close eye on the friendship than I would have done ordinarily.

[Chillyboots]

They don't do Whatsapp and I've never met the girl, let alone the parents.

[Pushmepullyou]

Well, it’s a crappy present and a bit weird, but is a Christmas bible really offensive? I’m an atheist myself but it is fundamentally a Christian festival

[Mischance]

If it is a bible then DD just says thank you and sticks it in her bookshelf or takes it to a charity shop.

Of course your DD's SS present to the other child could be a copy of the Koran!!

[User56785]

@Rocksonabeach

I’d contact the parents on the wats app and ask what they are doing for the ss and point out it must be neutral, and not offensive sending any religious things is a no.

Then you would look nuts.

A bible isn't offensive and the girls are 13-ish. I never had anything to do with any parent once my dc were in secondary school.

You don't ask parents what they are doing for a year nine child's secret Santa.

[DutchCowgirl]

I grew up with a lot of superstrict families nearby. Parents who didn’t allow Christmas decorations , no presents, no talking at the dinner table, no friends visiting. I only ever felt pity for the children in these families, I can’t imagine any child would find this an attractive lifestyle to “get sucked in to”.

I only wanted to “help” them, I remember sneaking the neighbors kids into our house, to let them secretly watch our Christmas tree …

[Defaultsettings]

I wonder if the friend isn’t allowed to do a secret Santa but is allowed to give a bible to a friend.

[Chillyboots]

Yes, I feel sorry for them too. Maybe I'm just hypersensitive because of my upbringing and the misery it caused.

[Mischance]

We had two JW pupils at the primary where I taught music. They were both very musically talented but were not allowed to join in at school, especially with singing as (I was told by the parent) songs might mention god - I never understood why they might object to that. I just knew that their lives were out of synch with their peers, which was very hard for them.

[IcedBananas]

@Defaultsettings

I wonder if the friend isn’t allowed to do a secret Santa but is allowed to give a bible to a friend.

I have a friend who follows religion like this. The bible or maybe another religious book would be the only acceptable gift.

[Chillyboots]

@Defaultsettings

I wonder if the friend isn’t allowed to do a secret Santa but is allowed to give a bible to a friend.

Yes, maybe.

[mollyfolk]

I think I’d mention it to the school if it happens. Just as an fyi that you found it a bit strange and your just letting them know.

Your child probably won’t pay any attention to it - mine wouldn’t but it certainly suggests that the family are trying “to spread the good word” which isn’t appropriate in school.

Of course the child might have decided to give it off her own bat - thinking it was s nice gift.

I always tell my kids that they should be suspicious of ideas that claim that there is only one right way to live - and that don’t value other people’s point of view. I’m trying to start a conversation basically about all different types of extremist thinking.

[IStartWhereYouEnd]

It’s a strange present. My kids would have just said thanks and then either binned it or put it in the stuff for the charity shop. I wouldn’t worry about it.