Are the teenage years REALLY worse than the toddler years?

[itmustbewineoclock]

Really....really. People with teens keep on doing the shaking head knowingly thing when I talk about how hard toddlers can be. My theory is that they have forgotten as it's so long ago.

[Dumbledoresgirl]

Yes all of that is true tortoise, but it is scary too because you can't control what that teen will do when they strop out of the house, or when you lock yourself in the bathroom for some quiet. The potential for mischief seems far greater than with a toddler, although as I said earlier, I did not have difficult toddlers.

I would definitely agree though with the idea that a toddler can be coaxed out of a strop with some tiny distraction, whereas when you row with a teen, you do worry that they are going to remember this and hold it against you for the rest of your life!

[BertieBotts]

Yes tortoise I was thinking that - my 18mo doesn't really do bedtimes, he can be up until midnight and still get up at 7

[MitchyInge]

Teenagers are great, nicer than 9-12 yr olds anyway. I'd take an older teen over a toddler, especially when they have own income, can drive, do shopping, babysit the younger one(s), buy cigarettes for you, lend you clothes, cook, do laundry etc. They are nicer people than very very small people, although tantrums aside toddlers are very sweet aren't they?

[Magaly]

wow. this is depressing.

[MitchyInge]

I try not to worry about their futures, all you can do is love and support them and attempt to offer the benefit of your own experiences but ultimately they have their own lives to lead, their own mistakes to make, don't you think?

[minxofmancunia]

I like teenagers i work in CAMHs and try if at all possible to work with teenagers rather than primary school age children. I find it a lot more satisfying and i have more of an affinity with that age group. I seem to get good results too, whereas with the younget ones I tend to feel like banging my head against a wall!

However the fact i relate to them well may be due to the fact that I was such a horror as a teenage girl although I managed to get good grades through all the turmoil. I kno dof know why iwas like that though (combination of severe bullying at secondary school and attachment diffs/relationship with mother) so I'm hoping that history won't repeat itself with my dd who's now 3.7

I amenjoying the age she's at now, she's good fun and good company but 2.5 to 3 was bloody hard, I cried most days (but I was pg with ds). Ds is only 7 months and I'll admit to feeling quite sick with fear about his toddler years, he already seems to get so angry and frustrated when he can't do things!

I have learnt from my mistakes with dd though, ie don't force socialising with other dc before he's ready, playdates can wait until he's at school if needs be!

[Sweeedes]

I have 4 children: 18 (just), 14, 4 and 2. Teenagers take far more emotional input than toddlers.

Easiest age range is 8-12 in my opinion. They can dress themselves and get sick in the toilet when they have a bug, but aren't yet having to deal with the painful and sometimes difficult process of separating from the mother ship and becoming independent/responsible/self-motivated/opinionated etc. Oh and they go to bed after you do, so there isn't that headspace in the evenings.

[TrillianAstra]

I don't have either but think I would prefer to be responsible for a teenager - but that's because I find the idea of a walking--running-climbing toddler who can't yet speak and tell you what they want terrifying.

[juuule]

"Having a difficult teen is definitely much more wearing than having a difficult toddler"

I agree with Maryz.

[Sweeedes]

That sounds perhaps a bit negative. Teens are very nice to have around the house. I like the way they continually prick my bubble in a good humoured way.

[CatIsSleepy]

I don't have teens but I imagine there is far more to worry about

am already worrying about it in advance

[minxofmancunia]

FWIW I think teenagares "need" their parents to be around more than primary school age children. Having 2 preschoolers i work part time at the mo, once they're in primary school I'm hoping to focus on my career again and get a full time post a grade above and use the after school club but prob when they're at senior school and we're hopefully a bit better off go more part time again. This is NOT an attack on Mums who work full time btw.

In Freudian terms 5-12 is the "latency" period and supposed to be relatively easy!

[Magaly]

so there'll be 3 years when both my children are inside that latency bracket. that's it!? three happy easy years!?

had dc1 in 2003 and dc2 won't be say 20 til 2026 and in those 23 years there will be 3 'easy' ones.

Is that right??!

[sharbie]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hell yesssssssssssssssss.

[StealthPolarBear]

oh no
surely by the time they;re teenagers though I'll have more than 6 hours (broken) sleep a night??

[Fennel]

My 3 are all in the "latency years", it is very pleasant really, but I'm much fonder of other people's teenagers than other people's toddlers, so I'm very much hoping that carries over into my own.

(sticks fingers in ears and tries to ignore this thread...)

[Rockbird]

But teenagers stay in their rooms all day don't they? Hoe hard can that be? My toddler pulls my pants down and bites my bum when I'm ironing. Teenagers don't do that do they?

[WynkenBlynkenandNod]

I don't have a teen yet but am watching friends who do with a morbid fascination as to what is to come. As one put it the other day, the day you realise you are actually a bit frightened of your 6 foot tall son is not a good one and just what do you do when they turn round and say 'make me'?

I'm really really hoping that my two will let me cruise through it relatively unscathed but am not holding my breath.

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Maryz, I'm sorry if I came across as flippant, I know how difficult your DS1 is and how hard you've tried.

I think that when I think of teenagers I think the same things as Rockbird, and I'm so busy thinking 'I won't have to supervise everything she's doing omigodomigodomigod' tht I'm not factoring in the fact that I'll actually care what they're up to anyway.

This is rather like, when I was pregnant, I said things like 'I don't understand how it's so hard to shower and get things done with a tiny baby, it's not like they can move, and a bit of crying won't hurt them'.

Hahahahaahahaha hahahahahahahahaha

[WynkenBlynkenandNod]

Tortoise, I have one of 6 and one of 11 and they really are a doddle at the moment in the scheme of things, though DD definitely gearing up to teenage years.

[cory]

I have a different experience from maryz in that my dd was really difficult (in a destructive way) round about age 8 and 9, because she was going through a hard time.
Made it seem even harder because everybody expects that to be such a delightful age, it really does make you feel you've failed if you're having to pin your 9yo down to stop her biting you. You can't moan to people about it, like you can moan about stroppy teenagers (not that dd wasn't delightful too, from time to time, but it wasn't really an age where I could relax)

For dd, turning into a teen has been a great relief as she is able to deal with things in a more adult way and can get more outside support without it having to go through me. And her sense of humour is far better developed than it was when she was 9.

So to me, it isn't about teens or toddlers as such, it is about where that particular person happens to be in her life.