Anyone else stay with and pat their 3 year old to sleep every night

[mumma2cjh]

MY DS is 3.8 yrs and each night I still have to sit next to him whilst he goes to sleep, most nights he asks me to pat him.

We have discussions about how big boys let their Mummy's go downstairs to make tea etc.. but he says he is not ready for me to go and will do it when he is 4!

Some nights its ok but like tonight it took him 30mins - after alot of messing around and taking.....I know what I have to do but its just sooooo hard.

My LO also doesnt like change and always seems to go through phases which rectify themselves after months!!!

[lilolilmanchester]

a Mum at school was very worried because her yr 6 DS (11) was going on school trip and had never, ever, gone to sleep on his own.I know it's not easy, but at some point you are going to have to go through the pain of leaving him on his own to sleep, and deal with the tantrums and broken evening that would almost certainly go with it. Your child, your choice as to when you do that. Personally, i would rather go through the pain at 4 than 11. Supernanny/House of Tiny Tearaways etc worth watching for rapid return technique.

[NappiesLaGore]

my middle son, aged 4 now, wants me to hold his hand while he goes to sleep. every night. i do it and hes asleep within 10 minutes, almost every time.
5 and 2yos dont seem to need the same reasurance, but he does so who am i not to give it? what does it cost me? he goes to sleep just fine without me if im not here... he just wants me to hold his hand if i am. fair enough i say.

[notsoteenagemum]

I used to lie with dd til she fell asleep coz it would guarantee she slept through, with ds I vowed I wouldn't do it but he would say "there's a space for you mummy" and I couldn't resist, we've got to the stage now where he just says "space" and I lie we have a bit of a chat and cuddle and I say "I'm going to bed now" as long as I say I'm going to bed he's fine.

[lilolilmanchester]

and it is fair enough Nappiesgalore. I was just making the point that I know people who are still doing that when DCs are 11. If you're still saying fair enough by then, it's up to you. Wouldn't work for me tho.

[NappiesLaGore]

i doubt it'll be happening when hes 11, but i'll cross that bridge when i come to it.
i have gotten myself tied up in knots in the past, trying not to make a rod for my own back by pandering to stuff when they are small... and tbph, its usually a waste of time. if they get the comfort they ask for now they will prob have the security to go it alone later, no?

[Spero]

I'll stay with dd for five minutes then I say I'm going to have my tea. Sometimes she says 'night night mummy' and rolls over, othertimes she screams 'muhmeeeeee' in heart rending voice. I leave anyway and she is asleep within ten minutes.

If you are happy staying and patting for however long it takes then fine. But I think its bonkers and it would drive me mad. Not sure how good it is for the child either.

[lilolilmanchester]

i don't think there's any right or wrong nappies, we each do what we think is right at the time. Just passing on someone else's experience, for consideration. I was lucky, my DCs went to sleep on their own, so who knows what I would have done if they hadn't!

[NappiesLaGore]

absolutely agree. no right or wrong and all any of us can do is pass on our own experiences! apologies if i came over argumentatively

[notsoteenagemum]

"..Not sure how good it is for the child either" scarred for life by being patted to sleep!!

[elastamum]

Sometimes I rub my DS's back or cuddle them to sleep. They are 7 and 9. Dont worry about it, those times are short lived and soon you will be wishing they still wanted you to..

[themoon666]

Never sat with either of mine. Did the story thing then told me they could have their doors open whist I do jobs. they could hear me pottering about sorting next day's wash, putting things away etc. they knew I was close but without me having to be tied to them.

[Spero]

Notsoteenagemum, try watching Strictest Parents on BBC3 and you might get some idea of where I'm coming from. Indulging children is often not the most loving thing a parent can do.

In my opinion, its not a great idea to condition children in such a way - how do you leave them with babysitters? How do they go on school trips overnight? a child ought to be able to settle him/herself off to sleep at a relatively early age. No child needs to be patted to sleep.

But hey, if you want to do it, go for it. i'm sure there are worse things that can be done to child.

[kitbit]

yep! another hand holder/head stroker/patter/hummer here I don't mind, he's 3. He won't be 3 forever. I'm enjoying my cuddles while I can, soon enough it'll be "oi gerrof mum"

[kalo12]

i am very sorry to tell you all that i had to have my dad lie with me til i was eleven!
i am still scared of the dark.
got my come uppance tho cos my 8 month ds wakes up every hour and has done since four months and i don't know if it will ever change and i have to bf him to sleep and he is allergic to formula so can't even give a bottle. aaarrrgh!

[cantpickyourfamily]

dd is 15months and i spend sontimes 2 hours in bed with dd trying to get her to sleep as I have stopped bf and that was my only tool to get her to sleep before.

and she sleeps in my bed, i am worried that i will be doing this forever.