Anyone else stay with and pat their 3 year old to sleep every night

[mumma2cjh]

MY DS is 3.8 yrs and each night I still have to sit next to him whilst he goes to sleep, most nights he asks me to pat him.

We have discussions about how big boys let their Mummy's go downstairs to make tea etc.. but he says he is not ready for me to go and will do it when he is 4!

Some nights its ok but like tonight it took him 30mins - after alot of messing around and taking.....I know what I have to do but its just sooooo hard.

My LO also doesnt like change and always seems to go through phases which rectify themselves after months!!!

[cantpickyourfamily]

dd is 15months and i spend sontimes 2 hours in bed with dd trying to get her to sleep as I have stopped bf and that was my only tool to get her to sleep before.

and she sleeps in my bed, i am worried that i will be doing this forever.

[kalo12]

i am very sorry to tell you all that i had to have my dad lie with me til i was eleven!
i am still scared of the dark.
got my come uppance tho cos my 8 month ds wakes up every hour and has done since four months and i don't know if it will ever change and i have to bf him to sleep and he is allergic to formula so can't even give a bottle. aaarrrgh!

[kitbit]

yep! another hand holder/head stroker/patter/hummer here I don't mind, he's 3. He won't be 3 forever. I'm enjoying my cuddles while I can, soon enough it'll be "oi gerrof mum"

[Spero]

Notsoteenagemum, try watching Strictest Parents on BBC3 and you might get some idea of where I'm coming from. Indulging children is often not the most loving thing a parent can do.

In my opinion, its not a great idea to condition children in such a way - how do you leave them with babysitters? How do they go on school trips overnight? a child ought to be able to settle him/herself off to sleep at a relatively early age. No child needs to be patted to sleep.

But hey, if you want to do it, go for it. i'm sure there are worse things that can be done to child.

[themoon666]

Never sat with either of mine. Did the story thing then told me they could have their doors open whist I do jobs. they could hear me pottering about sorting next day's wash, putting things away etc. they knew I was close but without me having to be tied to them.

[elastamum]

Sometimes I rub my DS's back or cuddle them to sleep. They are 7 and 9. Dont worry about it, those times are short lived and soon you will be wishing they still wanted you to..

[notsoteenagemum]

"..Not sure how good it is for the child either" scarred for life by being patted to sleep!!

[NappiesLaGore]

absolutely agree. no right or wrong and all any of us can do is pass on our own experiences! apologies if i came over argumentatively

[lilolilmanchester]

i don't think there's any right or wrong nappies, we each do what we think is right at the time. Just passing on someone else's experience, for consideration. I was lucky, my DCs went to sleep on their own, so who knows what I would have done if they hadn't!

[Spero]

I'll stay with dd for five minutes then I say I'm going to have my tea. Sometimes she says 'night night mummy' and rolls over, othertimes she screams 'muhmeeeeee' in heart rending voice. I leave anyway and she is asleep within ten minutes.

If you are happy staying and patting for however long it takes then fine. But I think its bonkers and it would drive me mad. Not sure how good it is for the child either.

[NappiesLaGore]

i doubt it'll be happening when hes 11, but i'll cross that bridge when i come to it.
i have gotten myself tied up in knots in the past, trying not to make a rod for my own back by pandering to stuff when they are small... and tbph, its usually a waste of time. if they get the comfort they ask for now they will prob have the security to go it alone later, no?

[lilolilmanchester]

and it is fair enough Nappiesgalore. I was just making the point that I know people who are still doing that when DCs are 11. If you're still saying fair enough by then, it's up to you. Wouldn't work for me tho.

[notsoteenagemum]

I used to lie with dd til she fell asleep coz it would guarantee she slept through, with ds I vowed I wouldn't do it but he would say "there's a space for you mummy" and I couldn't resist, we've got to the stage now where he just says "space" and I lie we have a bit of a chat and cuddle and I say "I'm going to bed now" as long as I say I'm going to bed he's fine.

[NappiesLaGore]

my middle son, aged 4 now, wants me to hold his hand while he goes to sleep. every night. i do it and hes asleep within 10 minutes, almost every time.
5 and 2yos dont seem to need the same reasurance, but he does so who am i not to give it? what does it cost me? he goes to sleep just fine without me if im not here... he just wants me to hold his hand if i am. fair enough i say.

[lilolilmanchester]

a Mum at school was very worried because her yr 6 DS (11) was going on school trip and had never, ever, gone to sleep on his own.I know it's not easy, but at some point you are going to have to go through the pain of leaving him on his own to sleep, and deal with the tantrums and broken evening that would almost certainly go with it. Your child, your choice as to when you do that. Personally, i would rather go through the pain at 4 than 11. Supernanny/House of Tiny Tearaways etc worth watching for rapid return technique.

[duckyfuzz]

I used to have to do this, then I started timing it - e.g. I'll stroke you for 5 mins (very flexible mins!) which means they get the comfort but also get themselves to sleep

[LynetteScavo]

WE sit with DD until she's asleep, and DS2, who is 5.

Ds1 is 9 and has self sufficient at going to sleep by himsleft, so it's not forever!

[LullabyCuddles]

i sit near my daughter till she falls asleep she sometimes like me to read to her.
but when i worked in a private day nursery children would still be patted gently to sleep.
xxx

[littlepiggies]

We settle our (just turned) 3 YO every night too. We also have a 13 week old. I don't think you should consider it a problem unless you feel it is disrupting other things you need to get on with - you can guarantee he won't need you to get him off to sleep when he's 30!

[harpomarx]

used to have to lie down with dd until she was nearly 4, we also shared a bed. I got her her own bed and from that night she has put herself to bed! I am still and very several months on. It was a total overnight change on her part and I think she suddenly felt old enough and secure enough to do it on her own.

As he's in his own bed already, I guess that won't work for you, but it may be that he really will do it when he's 4 of his own accord... you never know.

When dd has trouble settling it usually helps to put a cd on - music or audio books are great for her and I leave a little light on sometimes. She also is allowed to 'read' in bed after i have left and she now does this and then turns her light out and goes to sleep. As I said, I am still !

[Morloth]

I do it quite often and DS is 4. I will sometimes take a book and chill out in the rocking chair in his room, or if I am feeling tired myself will tuck him up in our bed, snuggle him close and either read or nap myself.

It is just such a lovely quiet ending to the day, often I have yelled at him and told him off and he has yelled back and blah blah so it is nice to just have some time cuddling, will do it for as long as he lets me. Sometimes DH does it too. If we do have another one I fully intend to snuggle baby at the same time.

Having said all that it isn't every night and if we are going out we tend to get the babysitter to come over pretty early and they put him to bed, he is fine with it.

[spudballoo]

I don't have to do this with either of mine, 3 and 20 months although the 20 month old was patted to sleep until he was about a year or so.

My 3 year old often asks for us to stay with him, sleep with him etc which we have kindly but firmly utterly refused to do. He will accept a quick 'snuggle down' which involes us putting out heads on his pillow, but kneeling on the floor, and then I leave the light on and tell him I have to go downstairs to have my dinner and he's fine with that.

I feel very sorry for you being held hostage in there! And in all honesty I would try to put a stop to it. 3 year olds are incredibly persuasive but YOU are in charge!

[wannaBe]

The only reason children do this is because their parents let them.

My sister has a 5.5 yo and a 2.5 yo and neither of them can settle themselves to sleep .

Tbh I don't think it's doing them any favours.

Madness.