I said a terrible thing to my son.

[AnnBoleyn]

I am a regular and have namechanged, as I'm ashamed.

My DS1 is now 8yrs.

When he was about 5, he was going through an awful period for a couple of months of being nasty to his youger brother and generally rude and difficult to handle.

I told him, probably on 2 occasions, that if he didn't behave then there were poeple you could phone who would come and take him away, so he could live with a new family if if didn't like us (which he didn't seem to much at that time).

He beahaviour was resolved pretty quickly (in fact can't really remember the behaviour only the anger I felt).

He is now a lovely, happy 8yr old, we have a great relationship. We always have really, he's always been a lovely boy with just the odd behaviour blip, which I have handled very badly.

But am a haunted that I could say such a terrible thing.

I asked him if he remembered anything like that being said afew weeks ago and he said he couldn't.

I'm afriad that this will have left a long term effect on him and a belief that he's not really loved or wanted.

Why did I do such a terrible thing?

I was adopted and my dad always told me he was going to put me back in care when I was behaving really badly!

I don't blame him though, I was blardy awful at times!

Oh and I still think he was the best dad I could ever have had.

HTH

I know loads of families where the threat of "naughty childrens home" is commonly used.

its not a big deal honestly.

Oh God, it's commonly used here, honestly.

But I appreciate what you are saying-that in the overall scheme, he is loved and will be alright.

I just wish I'd never said such a thing, I never want him to think I'd ever let him go.

My 4 yo regularly threatens the 2 yo with 'borstal'. I think they know when your're winding them up...

I was threatened with boarding school on many occasions, at the time I really believed it as well, now I think it is funny and that I was a right little madam.

anne im exactly the same - i mentioned to my doctor how sad i felt about the boy dying and how i was forever telling my children to be careful and sty safe etc nd that im a bit of a sob bucket and he said its normal i cry at assemblies and everything in fact i used to cry at supermarket sweep if they didnt win!!

i think the reason your son doesnt remeber it is because hes happy secure and loved if he felt he wasnt maybe he would have dwelled on it more?

shitemum i am lmo @ threatening a 2 year old with borstal!!!

My mum used to threaten me with childrens home frequently - even pretended to phone them in front of me! She also told me the men in white coats were coming for me, and all day at school the following day, I was waiting for them to suddenly appear & whip me away!
I have grown up semi normal!!

being a parent is tough, and we all do things we regret - I know I do at times. Don't beat yourself up as it sounds like your DS has pretty much forgotten about it now.

Don't worry! Everything has turned out alright

And PMSL at windygalestoday's account!

ds1 got it in his head that only naughty children go to boarding school but he couldnt say it it was boring school.driving past one,one day when he was being very 'trying' in the car he started crying saying i dont want to go to boring school!we couldnt work out where it had all come from until we told my mum!

My mum once 'took' me to the naughty girl's home with a suitcase when we got to this big house by the Church we went to she made me apologise and gave me another chance! She had Christmas cards in the suitcase and we posted them in friend's houses on the way back. It makes me grin today but didn't at the time!

I say that to my kids as the ultimate expression of displeasure. I also flesh it out with details of the things I will allow them to pack to take with them and if then I will send them up and down the neighbourhood knocking on doors until someone takes them in.

And I'm not ashamed

have read all the thread now, it is nice to read supportive things like this as I am often in same boat as you, Ann Bolyen.

And boys always love their mums, look at Elvis ( I heard a rumour that he kissed her toes as she lay in her coffin on display)

My mum always said things like that to me when she was at the end of her tether, I knew that she never meant it and even at a young age I knew that it meant I was really pushing her to her limits.

It obviously isn't the ideal way to parent but we are only human and we all make mistakes.

I was joking about this with a Scottish friend (I'm Scottish), our mums always said they'd put us in homes and thought it was standard threat, and our English friends were horrified. We always felt loved by our parents and are close to them now and not traumatised.