Birthday party for 4YO- what did you do?

[pendulum]

For DD1's 3rd birthday party we had 5 kids at the house with the traditional games and a bit of a tea. Luckily the weather was good so we shoved them outside for a good chunk of time!

This year DD has already gone to a number of parties at soft play centres, swimming pools etc with catered teas. This seems to have raised expectations somewhat but it all seems quite lavish somehow for her age.

I can't decide whether to keep things small for another year before she goes to school and I have to invite her whole class, or whether it would actually be easier to give in and hire something. I haven't actually asked DD what she wants as she is in a stage where it is better to tell her how things are going to be than give her any big decision-making powers... she can make the little choices about napkin colour, jelly flavour etc

What are others doing? What do you think your 4YO expects?

I have always ignored expectations and had small parties at home anyway. Never invited the whole class either.
Note that once you've been to a party and given your present, you don't owe them the same type of party (or any party) in return; you've already "paid" for yourself through the present+card.
Dc's have never complained about this, so presumably their friends haven't either.
IME some parents do one thing and some do another and it's quite nice if not everybody does the same thing. The children seem to think so to.
We have a special party game for delivering the party bags and all the long-standing friends get very excited when they recognise the signs, so that's by way of being our trade mark. That and the same biscuits I've been making every year since dd was 1. Other successes have been decorating biscuits and (for the older children) a treasure hunt.

Resident nearly-4yo here is having more or less a re-run of last year's party. Village hall, bouncy castle, party food. What's up for grabs this year is the non-castle entertainment - last year we had a playdough table, plus hoopla and ELC bouncing frog game (got mostly ignored in favour of castle). Not sure what we're doing this year.

What does she actually expect - a big pink cake, and a fairies and dinosaur theme. She may be disappointed re fairies and dinosaurs!

my 4 year old isnt having a party
He will take a cake into playgroup on the day itself as that is the tradition and he will love that
Then in the afternoon me and dh are going to take him and his sister out to the zoo or cinema and for a nice meal

dd didn't have a 4th - we had just moved country then as she started school 2 weeks later so the 5th b'days began. We had a picnic with some friends instead.

Ds has just had his 4th birthday party.

It was at the house and consisted of 6 children including ds. I only asked him what sort of food his friends might like to eat too! I think it's best to keep things simple at that age tbh.

My 4yo expected what I told him was going to happen - small party at home, he could invite 4 friends (as he was 4 - actually invited 5 as couldn't decide which 2 out of a close group of 3).
We did party games, treasure hunt and playing. Had it mid afternoon and didn't bother with food.
Did the same for his 5th, except he has 7 guests, we did it after school on the day of his birthday and I did meatballs and pasta for tea. Of the 7 only 1 was out of his class.

other 4yo parties he went to ranged from similar to ours to soft-play ones and village hall with an entertainer.

Do what you want/are able to do - ignore what others are doing.

Oh good, a near-consensus around keeping it small. Would you expect the parents to stay? Went to a 5 year old's party at the weekend and all the mums b*ggered off except me leaving hostess mum in charge of 17 kids.

We have biggish parties at home for my 4yos - about 20 children but we do very simple stuff - party games like pass the parcel, musical bumps, hide and seek. Playing in the garden (all mine have spring/summer birthdays). Party tea featuring jelly and ice cream.

IME lots of parents leave them for 4th birthdays so I would make sure at least a few people were staying to help.

well, for ds 4th HE didn't want any parents "a no mum's party". So I put drop off / pick up on the invites. Then when they arrived a couple weren't sure about their parent leaving - so I said it was fine for them to stay, but after about 5 mins the child was fine and the parent left. Actually what he didn't want was younger siblings rather than parents!
Most 4th's that he went to the parent stayed, most 5th's have been 50/50 - smaller parties the parents leave the child, larger soft play ones most of the parents tend to stay.

Did same for DD's 4th and 5th birthday parties. Had about 20 children. Hired large sports hall and a bouncy castle for inside. Also had room for football at one end, and a craft table. Food was picnic style of blankets on the floor, with individual food boxes. Friend is a PT DJ so had music courtesy of him.