Trouble with school, please help

[Gemisagem12]

Thanks I’m advance to anyone who reads. But I’m in desperate need for advice or help.
I’m a single parent of 3 children aged 6 , 4 and 3.
I’ve had them all by myself since March 2020 since the pandemic hit and they were all pulled out of schools due to closures.
I was living with my mum for 2 years due to personal circumstances and I finally signed for my own tenancy for a house in December 2020,
Then we were hit with another national lockdown and children were again pulled from school,
Side note the children’s dads are not involved in their lives only for my youngest son and he lives across the country,

Anyway, so we are in another lockdown and I get ‘safe and well check’ calls from school 3 times a day as well as being expected to join these online live lessons at all hours of the day, I’ve already explained it’s hard as I only have my phone and I’m half way through a house move, bad mom alert I’ve been trying to get things sorted there before someone reports that there’s no one living there, it’s been hard and mom guilt hits heavy on my shoulders.

So, on Friday I had a call to ask to speak to my eldest, I said she’s not with me she’s staying with her nan for the night. All of a sudden the teacher hangs up and 20 minutes pass by and I get a call from the head teacher! The conversation went as:
Head teacher - ‘ I hear ...... is living with her nan, I am confused, she shouldn’t be living with someone else, does her nan live alone?? Is she in your support bubble?? I am very concerned’
I answered all of her questions. Yes her nan lives alone, yes she’s in my support bubble, yes I am aware we’re in a national lockdown but I’ve had these kids since March all by myself and all I needed was a little support, am I really in the wrong here? The head teacher was very sharp with me to the point I fear she may have reported it to the police or further, she has said she wants all the children back in school as of tomorrow, so they are going back, but I can’t help but feel she had no right to tell me I’m not allowed to have a support bubble or nose that far into my personal life. Please give your opinions, I’m worrying out of my mind I’ve spent all weekend having panic attacks and being ill over it.

[rookiemere]

It must be almost impossible to manage the home schooling of 3 DCs on your own and with other concerns.
It's a good thing that the DCs have been offered school places , so definitely take it and use the breathing space to sort out your living arrangements.

[Gemisagem12]

The car sharing was my support bubble, as my mum was living with me at the time and my mum is not stable to look after children alone, she isn’t fit, I don’t think I made it clear that she went to stay with her nan on her dads side, her dad isn’t involved but she has been there from day one and loves her very much, I probably didn’t see the fault in it before hand I can see now that rhem not accessing their online lessons was probably the reason for the calls which I can see now, and I admit they weren’t, we did a couple of lessons but within 10 minutes they would walk away and I’d have stuff I need to be getting on with Rather than sat watching a google meet live

[RememberSelfCompassion]

Ah then that's the reason. If they're only doing 10mins of lessons because you have stuff to be getting on with.

Honestly it sounds like the school is working in the children's best interest. I would be very grateful to them for the place and show you want to work with them.

[tenlittlecygnets]

and I admit they weren’t, we did a couple of lessons but within 10 minutes they would walk away and I’d have stuff I need to be getting on with Rather than sat watching a google meet live

Oh, op. You need to think about your dc here. If they're not accessing any education they'll fall horribly behind and will find it really hard to catch up.

You need to prioritise their education. Have you told school you don't have laptops for them? Surely you have, since the first lockdown started last March...

It sounds like the school is desperately worried about your dc and are trying to help them back into school. Stop being so defensive and engage with them!

[StacySoloman]

It’s sounds like you’ve got a lot of your plate, you’re not well yourself and you’re struggling.

School are worried about the children and are helping you with school places.

I’d accept the help and try to see it as a positive.

[RememberSelfCompassion]

Yep what they've said. Dont worry about "blame". Lots of people have different situations for one reason òr another and I think any mum would see that bringing up 3 small children on your own will be hard.

But moving forwards accwpt the help and dont see them as telling you off but as providing support. Did you think it would be okay for them not to access any school because you didn't have time for more than 10mins?

[Spied]

Are you getting help or have you had professional help for your anxiety issues in the past?
There must have been some inter- agency input working with your family involving the school. The school have obviously flagged your dc up as vulnerable at some point and it sounds like they are aware of your mum's issues also due to how they reacted when they thought your dd was staying with her.

I'd be honest and accept the help.

[RememberSelfCompassion]

If you say your mum isnt fit to look after a child, why was your daughter there overnight?

Do you have a support worker you can talk to? It does sound like you could do with support (because you are in a difficult situation - not to blame you in any way). I hope having them in school next week will help.

Can you prepare as much as you can today. Uniforms? Waterbottle put. Do they need lunches or will they get those at school etc?

I hope you can try to see it not as a battle with school but help for your children.