Trouble with school, please help

[Gemisagem12]

Thanks I’m advance to anyone who reads. But I’m in desperate need for advice or help.
I’m a single parent of 3 children aged 6 , 4 and 3.
I’ve had them all by myself since March 2020 since the pandemic hit and they were all pulled out of schools due to closures.
I was living with my mum for 2 years due to personal circumstances and I finally signed for my own tenancy for a house in December 2020,
Then we were hit with another national lockdown and children were again pulled from school,
Side note the children’s dads are not involved in their lives only for my youngest son and he lives across the country,

Anyway, so we are in another lockdown and I get ‘safe and well check’ calls from school 3 times a day as well as being expected to join these online live lessons at all hours of the day, I’ve already explained it’s hard as I only have my phone and I’m half way through a house move, bad mom alert I’ve been trying to get things sorted there before someone reports that there’s no one living there, it’s been hard and mom guilt hits heavy on my shoulders.

So, on Friday I had a call to ask to speak to my eldest, I said she’s not with me she’s staying with her nan for the night. All of a sudden the teacher hangs up and 20 minutes pass by and I get a call from the head teacher! The conversation went as:
Head teacher - ‘ I hear ...... is living with her nan, I am confused, she shouldn’t be living with someone else, does her nan live alone?? Is she in your support bubble?? I am very concerned’
I answered all of her questions. Yes her nan lives alone, yes she’s in my support bubble, yes I am aware we’re in a national lockdown but I’ve had these kids since March all by myself and all I needed was a little support, am I really in the wrong here? The head teacher was very sharp with me to the point I fear she may have reported it to the police or further, she has said she wants all the children back in school as of tomorrow, so they are going back, but I can’t help but feel she had no right to tell me I’m not allowed to have a support bubble or nose that far into my personal life. Please give your opinions, I’m worrying out of my mind I’ve spent all weekend having panic attacks and being ill over it.

[RememberSelfCompassion]

If you say your mum isnt fit to look after a child, why was your daughter there overnight?

Do you have a support worker you can talk to? It does sound like you could do with support (because you are in a difficult situation - not to blame you in any way). I hope having them in school next week will help.

Can you prepare as much as you can today. Uniforms? Waterbottle put. Do they need lunches or will they get those at school etc?

I hope you can try to see it not as a battle with school but help for your children.

[Spied]

Are you getting help or have you had professional help for your anxiety issues in the past?
There must have been some inter- agency input working with your family involving the school. The school have obviously flagged your dc up as vulnerable at some point and it sounds like they are aware of your mum's issues also due to how they reacted when they thought your dd was staying with her.

I'd be honest and accept the help.

[RememberSelfCompassion]

Yep what they've said. Dont worry about "blame". Lots of people have different situations for one reason òr another and I think any mum would see that bringing up 3 small children on your own will be hard.

But moving forwards accwpt the help and dont see them as telling you off but as providing support. Did you think it would be okay for them not to access any school because you didn't have time for more than 10mins?

[StacySoloman]

It’s sounds like you’ve got a lot of your plate, you’re not well yourself and you’re struggling.

School are worried about the children and are helping you with school places.

I’d accept the help and try to see it as a positive.

[tenlittlecygnets]

and I admit they weren’t, we did a couple of lessons but within 10 minutes they would walk away and I’d have stuff I need to be getting on with Rather than sat watching a google meet live

Oh, op. You need to think about your dc here. If they're not accessing any education they'll fall horribly behind and will find it really hard to catch up.

You need to prioritise their education. Have you told school you don't have laptops for them? Surely you have, since the first lockdown started last March...

It sounds like the school is desperately worried about your dc and are trying to help them back into school. Stop being so defensive and engage with them!

[RememberSelfCompassion]

Ah then that's the reason. If they're only doing 10mins of lessons because you have stuff to be getting on with.

Honestly it sounds like the school is working in the children's best interest. I would be very grateful to them for the place and show you want to work with them.

[Gemisagem12]

The car sharing was my support bubble, as my mum was living with me at the time and my mum is not stable to look after children alone, she isn’t fit, I don’t think I made it clear that she went to stay with her nan on her dads side, her dad isn’t involved but she has been there from day one and loves her very much, I probably didn’t see the fault in it before hand I can see now that rhem not accessing their online lessons was probably the reason for the calls which I can see now, and I admit they weren’t, we did a couple of lessons but within 10 minutes they would walk away and I’d have stuff I need to be getting on with Rather than sat watching a google meet live

[rookiemere]

It must be almost impossible to manage the home schooling of 3 DCs on your own and with other concerns.
It's a good thing that the DCs have been offered school places , so definitely take it and use the breathing space to sort out your living arrangements.

[Redlocks28]

@Grissya21

Also can’t the school provide you with a laptop OP? You should ask them.

Schools cannot get any funding for laptops for children under Y3. It’s possible, I suppose they might have one lying around unused, but I know my school certainly doesn’t.

[Redlocks28]

When you say the school were phoning three times a day-I presume each class teacher was ringing any of their own class who isn’t engaging with the lessons, which is why you are getting three calls.

If you have three children trying to home school and only one device, then sent your oldest child to your mum’s during the school day and they still weren’t accessing the work, I think the head is probably right to give you school places.

[Grissya21]

Also can’t the school provide you with a laptop OP? You should ask them.

[Grissya21]

I can understand that the head sounds like she over stepped the mark slightly.
It does sound like there’s a back story for the school to have good reason for concern.

Moving house is hectic but I agree with another poster why didn’t you just send your children to school in the first place and it would of saved the school from ringing you.

[saraclara]

You must be really stressed. A house move at any time is stessful. But it does sound as though the school is genuinely worried about you and the kids. And if you only have a phone for three children's online lessons/activities, it's going to be well nigh impossible.

To be fair to the head (and I really don't want to sound like the Covid police here) the shared car journey was against the rules. You couldn't be in a support bubble with a friend with children AND with your mum, as I understand it.

But anyway, as they all have school places now, I would snatch them up with both hands so that you can get on with your house move. If everything else is genuinely okay and the children are safe and cared for, you need have no concerns about SS. There is absolutely nothing that the police would be called about as far as I can see.

[nimbuscloud]

This is very odd. The only situation I can imagine this happening in is if ss are heavily involved.

This. Did you have SS involvement before when your children were younger?
Also would it be an idea for your mum to maybe move in with you for a while - if she could and if you have space. It would give you a bit of breathing space to get yourself organised and sort out the house etc.

[ThePlantsitter]

I understand it's anxiety provoking, I don't blame you. Remember the head teacher is running a school in a pandemic though and is responsible for making sure all the kids are accessing learning. That would make anyone a bit mardy frankly. I don't think you need to feel guilty. People are being asked to do really really hard things during this pandemic without support. I'd put home educating 3 small children alone in that category. They are giving you that support even if it is in a bit of an aggressive way!

[Cabinfever10]

As a single adult household.
I really need to proof read better

[RememberSelfCompassion]

Without all the enotion3/blame...

It sounds like they are not joining their zooms/accessing their education. School places truly are for those who can't access education at home.

Can you honestly say they're accessing all the work/zooms? If not I'd def send them in. It sounds like the 6 year old was at your mums in the daytime when she was supposed to be accessing school work? Was she able to do it there? As that could be a different option I suppose.

I think its tricky when school haven't got the right tone but it sounds like they're trying to help.

[Gemisagem12]

I agree them being in school is the best place for them as they are falling behind and I can’t cope with the 7 emails a day 3 phone calls a day and 6 online lessons a day they’re all supposed to be doing as well as sorting things with the house, I’ve had a lot of phone calls to make as well as it all going on, but it’s just the phone call that has me on edge, If the purpose of the phone call was to ask the children to come back, she could’ve just said that, but it seems all she wanted to do was make me feel guilty (which I already do) that I asked for some support and asked her nan to watch her for a nihht while I collected myself togerher, it’s had me in such a mess I’m having to call my doctor tomororw as I suffer with extreme anxiety and I feel it’s dipping lower than ever during this lockdown

[TokyoSushi]

Are your DC accessing/submitting any online work at all? If not you can see why school are taking more of an interest in you...

I think it's always best to cooperate as much as you can or explain the situation rather than avoiding it/complain of being targeted.

I'm not sure if this is exactly the case but if you're struggling for devices/access to the Internet to be able to complete work online then you'd be better to explain that. School might be able to help with devices or alternatively would likely print packs out for you that you can return.

Excuses such as moving house aren't going to wash so it's better to engage as much as you can and hopefully things will become easier for you all.

[IndecentFeminist]

Well, it does sound as though you have been struggling to get a house move sorted for a while now. Is staying out of the house allowed during a lockdown?

I'd take the places, if they have concerns about the children to the point of social services previously and you are struggling anyway.

Did none of them go back in September? Wouldn't your 6 yr old have been yr 1 last year, so able to be in when he 1 went back in the summer? Also worth noting that nurseries are open full stop at the moment for a 3 yr old.

[Cabinfever10]

Your update is very concerning. The school do seem to very heavy handed with
unnecessarily contacting ss. I would suggest keeping a record of communication with the school and you should email the school politely query her phone call and asking on what grounds she wants your dc in school (so you have her demands in writing). You may also reiterate that as a single you are allowed a support bubble and the school should not be questioning you over your use of said support bubble. You should also request that any further communication about this matter should be by email or letter.

[Bumpsadaisie]

If you only have a phone do tell the school and they should be able to help sort you out with more tech ...

[Bumpsadaisie]

Were the children not in school on a day they were supposed to be?

It sounds like they have places at school. Think it would be best to send them if they have places.

That would give you a window to manage at home while they're at school and you wouldn't have the dress of trying to home school?

[Gemisagem12]

They’ve targeted me a few times over the other lockdowns, where a friend who was in my support bubble and also our daughters were in the same class, was giving me lifts to school in her car when they were allowed back in september, and they pulled me and said car sharing wasn’t allowed and I explained that the buses weren’t safe for my children as if they were gonna pick the virus up anywhere it would be the bus so that resulted in me walking in all weathers with 3 children across main roads and in snow and rain

[NailsNeedDoing]

The school have a duty to ensure that your children are engaging with remote education, they’re just doing what is expected of them.