I'm selfish with my baby..

[alesha123445]

My babies not even a newborn anymore, she is 8months and I still feel wary and on edge when people hold her. When people play with her i find myself haveing to check to see they aren't being too rough or let her chew something weird.
I havnt let anyone babysit her and have made it clear I wont allow it till she is able to voice her needs and wants. I dont trust anyone to look after her.. This has upset some people as she is 8 months and they havnt even had time with her alone because im always there or nearby. I EBF until solids were introduced, no one ever fed her a bottle even though people told me i should introduce bottles to allow others to feed her. Whenever someone tries to push the baby pram I say no, If I leave the pram to move inches away and they start holdling the handle I will slowly creep back and get them off.if someone tries to give me advice such as "try giving her the sippy cup to soothe her" or "maybe she needs changing" I get annoyed because I know whats wrong with her and how to help. I hate when my baby cries and someone else tries to talk over me playing and speaking to her to try and comfort her instead.

I dont want to be the mum thats too clingy and protective, I don't want to have a guard up all the time and act like this. Is there any other mums like this? Is this a phase because I hope so.. I feel guilty for being so selfish.

[Jollypostman1991]

I felt like this (perhaps not the extreme of pram pushing causing anxiety). However, I found I only felt it around people who I knew were pushing my boundaries, judging me or wanting me to ‘give’ more of my daughter. I didn’t feel it around friends or family who I didn’t get those feelings from and who I trusted. Really interesting what @blackcat86 says, it resonates strongly with my experience.

[username49583]

I'm somewhere in the middle here. I also feel very protective over my DC. I think we often forget we are mammals with animal instincts. For some women they still feel these animal instincts strongly even if they no longer seem rational. Can you imagine trying to take a baby from a mother gorilla.
I also agree with a PP about boundaries and people pressuring you to give the baby a bottle. That really annoys me I had it with my first. That is only for their own benefit.
I did try to contain it most of the time. Especially if I knew it was irrational.

With my first DC I would say I became less protective after around 18 months. She is now a very independent 3 year old who walked into nursery without even a look back recently so I don't think my protectiveness has stopped her forming attachments with others.

[Jollypostman1991]

And for what it’s worth - my daughter now goes to nursery and is 100% happy with other caregivers or trusted friends/family. But there’s still some people who I would feel totally on edge and anxious about her being with because of how they made me feel when she was little.

[Pebbledashery]

As others have said I think you're being very protective and anxious. Are you quite young OP? Not that it matters, but you could benefit from some counselling or seeing your gp.. No shame in it. I see the joy in my little ones face when someone else whose close to her holds her or plays with her.. My brother came round few days ago and fed her and she absolutely adored it.. Maybe your anxiety is restricting your little ones interactions with others that she could find joyful. I'm not saying you're wrong. You're human. But hopefully one day you'll learn to relax xx

[username49583]

Just read your post @Jollypostman1991 I completely agree when I think about my experiences. One family member in particular for me. Agree with PP I think I was gaslighted when in fact I look back and think how I felt was often valid because of their behaviour.

[Pebbledashery]

And I think you need to read up on the social services process of removing a child from a mother's care. You accepting you have an issue and seeking help if you want it is a good thing :) not a bad thing. You have to be seriously neglecting and harming a child to have them removed from you so please do not worry yourself unnecessarily.

[Nefelibata86]

@blackcat86 have found your comment very interesting and relatable. Thank you. And to those mentioning additional reading and things I hadn’t heard of like continuum concept

[HellooJackie]

DS is 15 months and I haven't allowed anyone to look after him yet either.
I have very bad anxiety and I would always worry someone would hurt him, if they didn't hold his head properly etc or make him poorly.
Other than my partner it's only my mum I trust with him.

[corythatwas]

How are you with your partner? Is he allowed to be an equal parent? Trusted with your baby as much as he trusts you with his baby?

I'd say that is the only one that matters, and it matters to the baby above all to be allowed to build that close bond with its dad (unless he is completely unreliable, of course).

The rest of the family can bond while you are in the house, but I'd say the dad (unless something is wrong) needs to be a parent.