My son is so different

[auntysocial]

I've just been watching my kids playing outside with the kids down the street. My 6 year old is a typical lad, my 8 year old however seems so "different" to the others. He was trying to explain to one of the boys outside that our houses were built during the 2nd world war and the other kid just raised an eye brow and said "ya what??" as if he was stupid. Then a little girl threw her sweet wrapper on the floor and my ds started kicking off saying it was illegal to throw rubbish on the floor and that it caused rats, was dangerous to wildlife and damaged the environment and they all just looked at him as if he was an alien.

Even after they carried on playing DS was still concerned about the sweet wrapper warning her that she could be fined. When she went to ride a bike that was too big for her DS warned her that she should try a bike that was more for her age range and they all burst out laughing she then asked them all "do you think I can ride it?" and ds replied "I think you should pick that sweet wrapper up..." etc.

He gets bullied at school and I think this is why but whilst I'm proud of who he is, I don't want him to continue to get bullied throughout childhood.

Is he really different from most 8 year olds or is it just the kids around here are not on his "level"?

[Isababel]

Aloha, has the book improved the social skills of your DS? did you see a good diference (Isabel starts counting pennies to see if she should get yet another book to help DS in this month)

[Aefondkiss]

oh auntysocial he does sound like a wee old man, which I don't think is a bad thing, but it will probably make his life more difficult, because he is not relating to his peers.... it does sound like he is very mature to be thinking such things, but I can see he is different and being different is not always the easiest thing to be when you are a child....

I do think you could take heart in the fact that he is beating his own path, would you really want to change him? He does sound very sweet.

[pointydog]

8ish 9ish is the age when most kids stop being such sticklers for the rules and it becomes a negative thing to tell others the right and wrong of the matter or clipe on mates.

I think a little gentle suggestion that he shouldn't tell others what to do might help, if you've not already.

Your son, of course, is wonderful. His type of character isn't particularly uncommon, but yes, he will be different from most 8 year olds in this particular respect.

[aloha]

Isababel, well, I do think it is very useful but my ds is only five, and I think it will come into its own more as he gets older. I have found it useful as an insight into different personality types too - including ds's and even my own!
My ds does have friends at school (despite the Aspergers!) and has been to quite a few parties and isn't being bullied. If I felt his social skills meant no friends and bullying I would certainly be more proactive. We have other more pressing problems at the moment. I do spend time with him explaining which behaviours are more socially acceptable than other though. I think it's my job tbh, with a child like mine. He enjoys having friends and it's important to him.
IMO it's fine - wonderful! - to disapprove of dropping litter and great to be interested in history. BUT...not so great to go on about your interests to people who clearly don't care, or to nag other children. We all do have our pet subjects that are dull to other people, I'm sure. But it can be helpful to our children to gently point this out.

[gess]

If you want to explain ways to behave to him I'd really recommend looking into social stories (type it into google along with Carol Grey (Gray?) and you'll find the info). Yes they were originally designed for spectrummy children but you don't need a diagnosis for them to be useful. They're a good way of explaining the rules of the game to any child who isn't quite getting it.

[Judy1234]

I don't think it's wrong to suggest most parents would prefer not to have a child with special needs, surely? Obviously you love them and in some cases are very pleased you have a diagnosis and know what the issue is but most parents would prefer their child didn't have those needs.

There are also children who are "nerdy" to use someone else's word or very clever or just individual/eccentric in all schools and groups of children who do not have special needs. They are just different personalities. It would be awful if every class at school were full of clones. As aloha says particularly as they get older (teenagers etc) then those groups do tend to stick together and the rather strange nerdy ones or whatever words you want to use will get teased by others etc but I don't think you can cut it down into two groups - normal and nerd. It's much more complex than that and children in schools tend to find a group they are comfortable with of friends more like them unless they are a complete loner.

[kittylouise]

Your ds sounds lovely. However it must be so hard for you to see that he is not mixing well with others, and is being misunderstood and teased.

When growing up, my brother and I were complete misfits, in different ways. We were just both interested in different things than our peers, and couldn't relate at all. I became chronically shy and introverted, my brother was the opposite and was proud of his differences. We were not exactly bullied, but we were both scorned, laughed at and mocked, which was hard.

I think we just took our time to develope social skills, now we are both incredibly social and confident, but it took until our twenties to feel that we 'fitted in' somehow. I certainly have no feelings of inadequacy and freakiness, as I during my childhood and teens.

I hope things work out for your son, and he makes some friends, as it is horrible to feel so isolated and eccentric as a child.

Somehow, though, my dd must have been born with terrific social skills, is a real mixer, joins in with everything and is popular and confident. Wish that I was like that as a child!

[pagwatch]

Xenia,
I think that is perfectly reasonable. Of course I would prefer that my son did not have any issues - particularly as his are so severe that I worrry terribly about what will happen to him when I am too old or not here anymore to care for him.
People were reacting to the 'oh my god how terrifying' type reaction from an earlier poster - that is all.

It is hard to see this kind of reaction because it is not unusual and because it has as its undertone the concept that an autistic child looses their humanity - that a child with adhd is a child with some issues but a child IS autistic, as if it defines them rather than being another crop of symptoms. Does you see what I mean ( a bit early for me )

[Anna8888]

I think he's different from the children around him. He sounds as if he is very thoughtful and intelligent. Maybe he needs a different school?

[Isababel]

Thanks Aloha, I have added it to the next Amazon order.

[princessmel]

The boy I look after is a bit like this. He is on a different level to lots of the boys in his class. He doesn't like silly or naughty games and fads like yu gio cards etc.
He has friends but has been picked on in the past.
He has older brothers and his house is very intellectual. He reads the times at breakfast. They dont watch x factor etc!
He's a lovely boy though and I'm sure your son is too. Does he have any friends who are similar?