Anyone hate toddlerhood as much as I do???!!

[Shattered]

Last week dh and I were invited by a colleague of dh to have dinner at his place. He is older than us and dh told me that he had been a very successful businessman in the past. Anyway as we could not get a babysitter that night, the colleague suggested that we just bring him along with us. (A bit of background, ds had not been very well the week before and was pretty tired this particular night). We walked in the door of this man's home and I nearly died, the place was perfectly decorated and didn't even look like it was "lived in" - you know, beautiful white lounge suite, crystal and glass everywhere and some VERY expensive-looking china vases and pottery. All I could think about was how I was going to stop ds from touching everything - it was like the proverbial 'bull in a china shop' situation. Anyway we managed to keep him restrained for a while but then we sat down for dinner, and after about 15 minutes in the high chair, he started whining and wanted to get down. The guy had gone to a lot of trouble and I was beginning to feel a bit uptight. Anyway we eventually let him get down and he started zooming around trying to touch everything, and then the inevitable happened - he raced into the kitchen and before we knew it, he'd grabbed a plate from the bench and it smashed on the floor. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up at this point. We apologised profusely and to cut a long story short, we ended up going home early - it was just a nightmare. Then to top it off, a couple of days later we were at the airport and dh and I were taking turns following ds around to make sure he wasn't getting into any mischief. A woman who was sitting nearby watching, said to me (with a bit of disdain) "He never stops, does he?" I felt like saying "Thank you for stating the bleeding obvious!!!!!" Honestly I wonder sometimes if my child is just an average toddler or if this level of activity is normal..? I must admit I feel like throttling him sometimes - any encouragement would be appreciated!! Thank you.

[winnie1]

Lizzer. washing her hands after you use the toilet... sweet!

[Marina]

I take great comfort from reading about other sober-minded, sensible little toddlers, gals. And especially reading that ds might grow up to be the boy equivalent of Winnie's star of a daughter.
I am just waiting for ds to admonish some menacing hulk at the bus stop for throwing litter on the ground, though...

[winnie1]

Oh, Marina... the litter issue... My daughter aged 3 pointed out to a very scary looking guy that he was 'disgusting' and should pick up his litter! She had her hands on her hips as she said it and he glared big time but did pick up the litter!!!!

[Willow2]

Hooray for Minnie Winnie!!

[tigermoth]

Winnie it's very reassuring to me that you have found your toddlers so intrinsically different. I assume you haven't changed that much between first and second, so it's not down to you.

I still at times wonder if it's my style of parenting that produces toddler chaos. My two sons as toddlers had/have different temperaments, but not on the chalk and cheese category. My youngest son, so far, is more manageable than my oldest one was, though as you've seen in the car seat and pushchair escapee threads, he certainly has his moments!

[Enid]

Dd would love to meet these other sensible boys and girls I'm sure. She won't go to sleep unless her room is immaculate, is an expert flower arranger (putting all the carefully stripped off leaves in the bin of course) and makes sure her friend Rosie holds her mums hand when they approach a road.

My midwife takes great pleasure in telling me how I am sure to have a completely out-of-control boy next

[winnie1]

Enid, my mother takes great pleasure in telling me that having had a daughter who was so 'easy' it is only 'fair' that I should now have a son who is such a 'handful'!!!

Tigermoth, I often consider the fact that my children are so different and try as I might I can't see what I do that is so different! Have to say we are suddenly having much more cooperation with our toddler in the last couple of days, so I live in hope

[Enid]

Winnie, why do people do that?? Its as if your second child is duty bound to be the opposite of your first in every way. It puts the fear of god into me I must say as dd is generally very good and the idea of having a completely wild child next freaks me out...arrrghhhh! Still, (takes deep breath), I'll cope...

[winnie1]

Enid, after your earlier point it has since occurred to me that I'd done the same thing here (although in my defense it was tongue in cheek) as my mother does to me!!!! Could I be turning into my mother?

[Enid]

sobernow, that's extremely reassuring as I was starting to become rather paranoid - even to the point of wanting dd to behave badly in front of people to avoid those sort of comments! Poor unborn baby, everyone making judgements on him/her before s/he is even born!

[Azzie]

Reading back over these posts from people with little angels, how I envy you sometimes! Dd had one of those awful screaming evenings yesterday (she was very tired after our weekend away). She said she didn't want a yoghurt at tea time, then said she did as soon as it was time to go up to the bath. I told her she could have the yoghurt in the bath (usually a great treat) but she said she didn't want to do that. Then she snatched the yoghurt, took the top off and wanted to carry it upstairs (an obvious no no!). When she got upstairs (agonizingly slowly, of course) she refused to get in the bath, was put in it, kept climbing out. Dh then pulled the plug out, put her nappy on, and attempted to put her into bed - she kept climbing out, ripping off her nappy and running into the bathroom and turning the bath taps on - now she wanted a bath. Whichever parent was touching her was the wrong one, and all this was to the typical tantrum soundtrack (good thing we live in a detached house). The only good thing was that she was so exhausted that she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

I know she's 2, and she's asserting her independence and trying to find out what she can control etc etc .... bt I'll be ever so glad when she grows out of this. Ds at nearly 5 is soooo easy compared to dd.

[Enid]

I take back everything I said in my earlier posts. Dd has turned in to The Serpent That Guards The Gates of Hell in the last few weeks. She insists on doing EVERYTHING herself, can't manage it and has a wobbly from frustration, won't be told/shown how to do anything and is strong willed and stubborn to the power of 10. Now I'm hoping what everyone said was true and the next one will be the complete opposite!

[Tillysmummy]

Azzie, your post really made me laugh ! I suppose I have all of this to look forward to with DD who is already fairly 'spirited' at 11.5 months !

[Azzie]

Too right, Tillysmummy! Dd was a quiet and lovely little baby at the start, but quickly started asserting her independence. Things are getting better - the tantrums are far less frequent now, but of far greater intensity (she has more strength and stamina now ). I marvel at how such a small person can have such strength of will. My mum has the cheek to say that she reminds her of me...

The other day I heard friends (first time parents, of course) who recently witnessed dd in full flow say of their 12m dd "Oh, I'm sure X isn't going to be like that". Both parents are strong characters and their dd is already showing the telltale signs to those who've been through it before. Dh and I held our tongues and exchanged knowing glances .... .

[JaneyT]

sobernow - your dd IS MY DD exactly !! She is 31ms and has just about stopped pushing dd2 over - 15mo. Dd2 is now turning into the dominant one, afraid of nothing now esp. dd1.

Its hard to get cross with them though when they smile and look like Angels (dd1 will say 'don't like it' before even trying something I know she likes - then after one forkful will gobble the whole lot up - how contrary!)

[WideWebWitch]

Azzie, at your friends! Remember being new mum and also swearing ds would never be badly behaved but he also (sometimes) turned into the satan guarding the gates of hell that Enid describes. Good luck all of you!

[MABS]

My ds has always been the spirit of the devil and he's only 22 months ...waht hope for the future eh?

[parent]

My two year old wears me out. He never lets up, he's on the go till morning till night. Sometimes I get to the end of as day feeling completley shattered, and think to myself Ive got to do that all again in about eight hours time. A nights sleep doesnt seem longer enough to recover sometimes.

[mears]

I loved my 4 babies but hated toddlerhood. I have been reduced to tears with a willful toddler on more than one occasion - I remember vividly holding the bedroom door shut so that ds would do as he was told and stay in his room before I killed him!
I have completely lost it and flung ( literally) cheeky little individuals out the back door into the garden, again to distance myself from them. At times I felt I could easily go over the edge. My friends who all thought I was an 'earth mother' were amazed at my lack of control.
Now the youngest is 8 and I am much more calm. They can all usually be reasoned with and I only really lose the rag with ds no.1 who is 15 yrs old and often thinks of nobody but himself - but that is another story
Be reassured all you stressed out mums out there - we all lose the plot from time to time and as they grow up and you look back at pictures of them when they were cute toddlers you forget the bad days. Oh it's great to be a parent

[jessi]

Can someone PLEASE advise me on difficult almost 3 yr old ds! I have realised the only thing about ds that drives me up the wall and makes my blood boil, is the on-going saga we have about getting him dressed. It is driving me nuts as he thinks its a hilarious game, no matter how many times I explain to him that we can't go to the park/friends house/shops etc until he's dressed. I am getting so angry and yesterday I left the room twice to go and chill out in the garden! I just don't know what to do about it, its over everything, shoes, pants, socks, the lot and I hate fighting with him. Should I try and teach him how to dress himself? I have tried to distract him or dress him while he's watching a programme or something, but he immediately starts thrashing around! Also, he is SO particular about what he wears at the moment and I am doing endless washes so that the particular garments in favour are always clean! HELP!!

[mears]

After initially resorting to smacking ( yes I know!), I would calmly pretend to go out without ds when he wasn't dressed. He would then want to catch up and 'allowed' me to help him. Then lots of praise for dressing himself and what a help he was to mummy etc. Didn't work all the time but this phase does pass. Hellish isn't it?

[Lizzer]

Mears RE: 'Now the youngest is 8 and I am much more calm' Simply super to know I've only ANOTHER 5 AND A BIT YEARS to go then!! ;
But seriously the wilfullness is abhorrent isn't it?! I try try try to stay calm but all I want to do is stamp my feet, cry and scream it's not fair!
Jessi, I've heard that sticker/reward charts work so I might be trying that again in the future, maybe it could work for getting dressed plus loads of praise (which I'm sure you already do). I'm convinced that the behaviour patterns are cyclic in relation to growth spurts though I've not read anything concrete on the subject. I know if dd is acting up, sleeping a little more and eating like a horse (v rare for dd) then she grows about a foot in a week and her vocab improves overnight. Unfortunately so does her need to be independant...

Oooo, I am enjoying myself back on the boards