Boys who like pink- experience?

[calimommy]

I have a gorgeous 3.5yo boy who is full of happiness and has a wonderful enthusiasm for life. He has always been attracted to more traditionally 'girl colours' and often girlish toys. I don't mind this in the least as I really dislike overtly gender specific things and I tend to try to buy toys and clothes which are colourful rather than specifically 'boyish'. (I have two boys so far and I am expecting a third so they will have years of living in a male dominated household!) One or two family members have said jokingly suggested we are 'turning him gay' which I think I can say with most certainty that wearing one colour or another will not make a person either straight or gay... (eyes roll out of head).
So my dilemma was this: we recently had friends visit whose little girl has a pair of white sandals with pink flowers. My son desperately wanted sandals like those too and after some time we finally settled on a red pair, which could best be described as 'French' in style 😜 but I had a difficult moment when he found a pink pair he really wanted and I felt I had to discourage him from them. I simply said that 'really, pink is for girls and not for boys' which he accepted but he seemed so sad afterwards that I felt badly. I want to let him be little and free but I also don't want to leave him open to unnecessary ridicule by his peers. I often end up painting his toes because he sees me doing it and likes the colour, and a few other children have commented on that.
So I'm wondering, would you or did you buy the pink sandals and how did it turn out?

[bearhug]

My boy always wanted the glittery shoes too! I completely understand, boys shoes are so very dull... I still didn't get him any though.

He did have a lovely pink camping chair and sleeping bag. Again the alternatives were boring green ones. Of course once he started school these immediately became too girlish to be tolerated.

[Mamabear12]

Some kids go through phases. And some boys like girly things and some girls boy toys. My daughter was so girly, always wants to wear a dress, even to bed, loves dolls, princess stuff etc. I bought her sone cars, trains etc. Never interested. Not at all. Her brother came along and he naturally went for the cars and trains, dinos etc over the "girl" stuff. Except for the princess dresses. He loved to twirl and wear them. He was just way too darn cute in them. My mother was horrified. But I let him wear them bc he wanted to. Then I realised perhaps he just wants to dress up? So I bought him super hero costumes and suddenly he only wanted to wear those. He still likes to get his nails painted by his sister occasionally though 😀 I would say, don't feel bad. Perhaps suggest and steer him towards more neutral colours like red like you did.

[histinyhandsarefrozen]

I don't see why he can't wear what he likes at home. And hey, he might not grow out of it. Posters reassuring the op saying my son loved pink and he's definitely not gay, are clearly kind and well-meaning but...so what if he is?

[ElspethFlashman]

.....I may have just bought those navy glittery shoes for DS......

[Littlepond]

My son spent a whole summer being called "she" by strangers because of his bright pink shoes. He didn't care a bit!

It is hard because we all want to protect our children from being teased, and it makes me so sad that wearing a particular colour could put a child in the firing line for bullying :(

[Bythebeach]

I bought my DS3 pink sandals the summer he was 2 because that's what he wanted. Aged 4.5 now he wears red spotty wellies with ribbon bows on the back because that's what he likes. I too worry a little that people will laugh at him - but the last thing I want to do is to teach him to conform for fear of teasing! He's not hurting anyone and should be able to wear what he wants. Gender specific clothing is a nonsense. No one bats an eyelid at girls in 'boys' clothes. Why so sexist against boys?

Let your son be who he wants to be. You're reinforcing the stereotype and telling him he cannot be who he wants to be. Crushing.

[AGnu]

My DS is 5 & will happily tell anyone that pink is his favourite colour. We've been perfectly happy to indulge that in the house but a little more wary of buying him pink things for public use. He has ASD & is already a little "different" so we don't want to make him stand out any more than necessary. He has a fab range of PJs though, some pink, some pirate themed! I've always been slightly more inclined than DH to let him be as pink as he likes but DH accepted the PJs with nothing more than a slight eye roll at my possibly slightly OTT raving about how great DS looked... Gives me hope that DH might not be so opposed to pink stuff in public in the future.

With regards to the pink sandals, I probably wouldn't have bought them. My DC have sensible shoes, regardless of what chromosomes they possess. I'm expecting DC3 & if it's a girl I'll probably still look in the boys' section for her shoes, they just seem sturdier for little feet!

[calimommy]

Well I certainly didn't feel like I was "crushing" him, by and large he wears whatever he wants but in this instance I tried to steer him towards something more neutral. Kids can be so cruel and he goes to preschool 5 days a week. Also I didn't feel like buying two pairs of shoes, only for one to be worn at home, that's unlikely to happen anyway. Even if I had girls I wouldn't buy overtly girly things. I love colours and want the boys to have lots of colourful things.

Regarding the 'he won't be gay' reassurance: that's actually not my issue. He will be what he will be. I'm more concerned about how he will be treated by other children. As I said, I know I can't protect him from the world but I don't want to put him in a position of deliberate bullying or teasing. So that's why I was looking for feed back on others experiences. They must have misplaced the parenting manual my son was born with because I sure can't find it! Just doing my best here, like everyone else.

[histinyhandsarefrozen]

You're not crushing him and you didn't sound at all like you were concerned about his sexuality either.

Here's to lovely shoes

[drspouse]

If children at preschool are being cruel then that is an issue for the preschool not for you to change his dress.

My friend's DS wore purple jeans to a school event and other boys told him "purple is for girls" so he refused to wear his previously favourite item. His DM got out of him what was wrong, went straight up to school who to their immense credit (same school my DS is at) talked to the class about it and said none of this nonsense will be tolerated, colours are for everyone.

[Bythebeach]

Well I don't think you handled it well. You told him he couldn't have it because 'really, pink is for girls'. Pink really isn't just for girls. You reinforced the stereotype. The line I have taken with my 3 sons is that toys/activities/colours that society sees split along gender lines are not actually 'just for girls' or 'just for boys' and that it is an outdated notion. My older two are more traditionally inclined boys but they will defend anyone's right to wear what they wish/do ballet/whatever as long as no one is hurt. They know the people who judge those things are sexist. I do understand you want to protect him from teasing but I do think you are giving him a damaging message - that he can't do/wear certain things because he has a willy! He can do anything except gestate a foetus and breastfeed. Society may look askance at a boy doing more traditionally girly things - but you can talk to them about that and let them decide for themselves. By telling him pink is really for girls, you may even make him into one of those narrow-minded people that teases another boy for wearing pink.
Surely, you are teaching AGAINST acceptance with that message as well as repressing his wishes by telling him (a lie) that he cannot wear pink because he is not a girl. At the very least, be honest to him that you would prefer him not to because some silly people might tease him although they shouldn't!!

[calimommy]

Funny Update:

Well the 'red' sandals arrived and they are full on cerise/pink so I guess I bought the pink sandals after all. 😂

bythewater I made this post because I was asking for advice, I'm trying to do the best for my son and not everything is an instinctual decision.

[Littlelegs19]

I have a son, he is only 4.5months old but I'd let him have what ever he wanted. Sandals, a pushchair, 'girls' dress up etc they are babies for such a short time, if he wants pink sandals and glitter on his toes and it makes him happy then I couldn't give a toss!

As for the stupid people that say it will turn him gay!! 😡😡 if he is going to be gay, that's already in his make up, pink clothes won't do that to him. If my son is gay or straight makes no difference to me. unfortunately my DH would not be happy if we wanted a pram but that's his narrow mindedness opinion.

My DB loved prams, dress up etc (3 sisters, he had no choice! ) many people said he was going to be gay as he was growing up. Grew into the burliest man, joined the army and has a wife and kids. So those people were clearly right

[NeverNic]

Not sure if I would have bought the shoes, but purely because I'd be 'but they don't go with anything' and completely missing the point! On the odd occasion I've swerved my son towards something more socially acceptable I've immediately regretted it, so I stopped. I'm happy for him to wear whatever colour but shoes I think need to be well fitting and suitable. I would say no to a boy character shoe for practical and taste reasons, the same as I would a girl shoe. My son is now in reception and says things like "pink is a girl colour" which I don't like. It's not something we've said. When he does say that I ask him who has more pink clothes - mummy or daddy. The answer is always daddy!

[hennaoj]

Nothing wrong with boys wearing pink or girls shoes just because isn't isn't as socially acceptable as it is for girls to wear boys things. Sod what everyone else think, let them wear what they want and be who they want to be. My 6 year old son was walking around in a My Little Pony tracksuit at Alton Towers on Sunday and noone battered an eyelid.

[Misty9]

My 5yo ds loved frozen for a while and wanted frozen wellies in mothercare. I told him that he could have them but his friends might laugh and say it's a colour for girls
He looked really sad. Then I said, but that's silly, colours are for everyone and you can just ignore them. Big smile from ds and we bought the wellies, hat and scarf. Friend did laugh though... :(

[ElspethFlashman]

Well my son is thrilled with his super glittery shoes!