Things only people without kids would say...

[dodi1978]

For example: wouldn't it be great if he ate some vegetables? (About DS, 2.5)?

Hollow laughter.

[BikeRunSki]

Said to me by pretty much every overdo I know whose children have left school, or don't have children.

" Your childcare bill is HOW MUCH!!!! Are you sure? There must be a mistake"

[Absy]

And DH again (I've forgotten a lot through sleep deprivation)
Me telling him were getting x because babies throw up a lot/nappies leak
"My baby won't. I don't throw up ever so I don't see why my baby would"
The flat is currently covered in muslin cloths pretty much as DS spits up. A LOT

[Absy]

We're one of the first to have a baby in our group of friends, so I have tons of examples

DH before arrival of baby
"Why are you getting baby stuff now? Can't we just get it on the day baby arrives, after they're born?"

A friend was coming to visit from abroad around the time the baby was due
"Do you guys want to go out for dinner on Friday? And we can do other stuff over the weekend. Bring the baby along"

"I bet you're bored right now on Mat leave. Why don't you take on proof reading work?" - friend from pretty much the moment I fell pregnant. I continue to politely decline as 1. A newborn keeps me pretty busy and 2. I have a pretty generous mat leave package and I'm enjoying not being at work for the first time in a decade
"I'm really busy. Can you come over and collect stuff from my flat?"

And some from me:
"Why don't we go away for the long weekend [a couple of weeks after baby was due]". DH pointed out how stupid I was with this one
"Do you know when contractions start, as I've had some twinges so maybe it's already happening" hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[Nutgirl]

Of course, breastfeeding is so easy and so natural, I don't know why anyone would ever bottle feed a baby...

I've also heard it said by people who don't have kids. I said it myself before I had kids. It's not as easy and natural as a lot of non-parents assume. I'm not trying to start an argument or offend, it's just what came into my head when I read this thread.

[PurpleDaisies]

Of course, breastfeeding is so easy and so natural, I don't know why anyone would ever bottle feed a baby...

This is usually said by women who have successfully breast fed, ie women who have had children. Have you not seen a breast feeding thread kick off?

[jimpam]

"Why don't you leave DS in his cot while you walk the dog, just for ten minutes?" Great plan, thanks friend.
"Would you say having a newborn is the same amount of work as having a full time job" Yes, definitely if you work 24 hours a day & your boss screams if you don't get your boobs out quickly enough & vomits on you.
"I didn't get a career break like you, I don't have kids- I think everyone should get a whole year with nothing to do". Because obviously I did nothing on mat leave.

[oldlaundbooth]

Why don't you just feed him what you eat?

Why don't you come up to see us at the weekend more often?

(PIL's comment. You live 3 hours drive away. That's six hours in the car in total at the weekend, with DS who is 2.4. Me and DH work full time and commute. You're retired and fit and able. You have an open invitation to come and see us. Do you come? Do you fuck)

[oldlaundbooth]

'Just go do your spin classes at night like you used to'.

After having got up at 6am, got DS up, fed, dressed and dropped him at nursery, worked all day, got home, fed DS again, played etc, put him to bed. Yes, spinning is what I feel like doing.

[Nutgirl]

Of course, breastfeeding is so easy and so natural, I don't know why anyone would ever bottle feed a baby...

[Amummyatlast]

I can't believe the recent posts. It took me over 4 years to conceive DD. And while I adore her, it doesn't negate the fact that parenting is hard and people without children might unintentionally say daft things that give people with children a little chuckle. Even in my worst infertility moments, I doubt I would have taken offence at this thread because I recognise that people can say daft things based on lack of experience.

[LittleBearPad]

It isn't a mocking thread. I'm sorry you think this but I think you're picking up intent that really isn't there.

[Milzilla]

I was going to say that monkey; lots of childless people are childless due to circumstance, so yes, you are mocking them.

Sorry my recurrent miscarriages and infertility means I shouldn't join in my friends' conversations (which 90% revolve around children) for fear of being judged and mocked...

I'm dipping out too - I really do hate these mocking threads.

[monkeytree]

Yes, but many ladies who are childless not by choice are likely to have faced infertility, miscarriage stillbirth or circumstances (and there are many) that have not enabled them to have children.

There does seem something mocking and 'them and us' about this thread.

Other things that only people without kids would say

"What am I going to do on Mothers Day?" (When I am consumed by an unbearable sadness because I don't have my longed for child to call me mum)
"How shall we celebrate Christmas this year?" (When I dont have my longed for family)
"How can that parent verbally (or physically) abuse that child?" (When I long to hold my own in my arms and feel the wave of unconditional love)

With a thread title such as this the reader must be open to all things only people without kids would say. ....

If people have issues to do with raising their chidren - eating/sleeping issues etc. it can be raised on one of the forums (I have done this myself) without relating it to people without children.

I have nothing further to say apart from Bananafish, I hope you surviving the minutes, hours and days x

[BIWI]

I don't think anyone is mocking people who have suffered miscarriage or still birth or infertility though, are they?

[Milzilla]

monkeytree that is a lovely post

...unlike some of the others above pretty much stating 'stop being a killjoy and let us have fun mocking your type'.

It's always hard to see these type of thread titles when you're very much childless and not childfree.

[monkeytree]

Hi Bananafish

I'm really sorry for your loss.

I have to say that this thread could have been worded a little more sensitively, it could be interpreted as having a dig at people who don't yet have children (or may never have children). I am a mother and can relate to some of these comments - I'm really looking forward to soft play, play doh etc. BUT...I struggled to have my children and when I have these types of thoughts I thank my lucky stars that I am sat in soft play, I didn't care about getting up in the night. I felt awful due to disrupted sleep and yes things are different (and sometimes very hard) after having children but none of this compares to the awfulness and devastation that is Infertility. True some women choose not to have children but there are an awful lot of women who are childless not by choice and they would give everything to have these angsts. I also miscarried a child late on in pregnancy and should by now be breastfeeding through the night etc experiencing sleepless nights etc. I think it is right that with a title thread such as this that comments regarding what all people without children might say is only fair....Hope you are O.K Bananafish.

[BIWI]

I'm very sorry for your loss bananafish, but there really isn't any need to post in the way that you did. This thread is clearly lighthearted and in no way meant to be a dig at people who don't yet have children.

[MrsRyanGosling15]

Seriously, is there no thread that doesn't have someone come in and start pissing all over it? Why, just why??

[proudmom135]

"Life without kids is a life unworthy of living."

These are the common words I hear from people who were not blessed to have kids.

[WhatTheActualFugg]

"I'm sorry I didn't come to the party after baby's christening, but I'm still recovering physically and emotionally from having my dead baby surgically removed from my body and I'm not ready to be around babies and small children just yet'

I think that does make you a parent, Banana. Sorry for your loss

[2ndSopranosRule]

"It's a Bank Holiday: why are they up at this time? Surely they know?"

Said SIL when we went on holiday together when my dc were four and one.

[KeyboardMum]

They only crap in their nappies... right?

[MunchieCrunchie]

We were invied to a summer bbq last year. "put dc in their buggy, they'll sleep and you can enjoy the party". Dd refuses to sleep in the buggy or stay in the buggy for more than half an hour.
Michael McIntyre does a great skit about how things change when you have children. It's in youtube called 'people with no kids don't know'

[bananafish81]

These are lots of the things my friends and I who don't have kids say

Obviously we often hear how LUCKY we are not to have kids, hahaha!

Yeah. We feel so very very lucky that we're not able to join your special club no matter how hard we try.

[bananafish81]

'Will I ever have a family of my own? I don't know if it will ever happen for us'