DS just got his ear pierced without my permission wwyd?

[Tilly73]

He got it done with another parent present (DS friends mum). She never asked me if I had given permission am I over reacting? We had told him he could get it done at 16 if he wanted to. He has only just turned 13

[Pipbin]

It is Tilly
Don't be put off by the 'it's only an earring' comments. It's not an earring, it's the principle.

[Tilly73]

He borrowed the money off his mate, he was supposed to be saving his money for a holiday. We've spoken to the place he went and they let the other parent sign the consent

[CaptainHolt]

Did the other parent sign a consent form or something (and pay!) or was she just there as a lift?

[Viviennemary]

I'd be furious if the other parent had given permission. That is not their right to do this. I think I'd phone the place where they had it done and ask for an explanation. But the deed is done now. I doubt he'll be allowed to wear an earing to school. I think the parent could be in trouble if they lied.

[CaptainHolt]

oh. X-post.

[Fatstacks]

It will heal up within a few days.

Explain that he has lost his money now because he disobeyed you and not to ask for money for holidays.

Personal choice what age you allow piercings but he was told No.

I used to dye my DS hair black almost every Sunday for a year because school didn't allow the mad colours.
It would take three hours just to put him back together without piercings and stretchy things but eventually he grew out of it.

[SanityClause]

Yes, while he's in your house, you get to control his behaviour, somewhat.

My view is that you should pick your battles with teens, but maybe this is really important to you for some reason (and not just as a principle that he should do what you say).

[ClearEyesFullHearts]

OP, speak to the other parent.

1. Ask what happened.
   

1. Ask what your son said ("it's ok with my parents")
   

1. Ask why they didn't call to confirm.
   

1. Ask if they signed consent and why they felt they had parental consent.
   

Ask, ask, ask. And then express your displeasure or concerns.

They were wrong to do this. (As was your son, he knew he wasn't allowed, but he couldn't have had it done without the adult's help.)

[Micah]

You might have a legal case with the shop.

Cab or 20 mins free advice? I'd be seriously tempted to at least get a "we are going to sue your arse for letting a minor get pierced without parental consent" letter drawn up, and copy it to the othe parent saying they will be called as a witness.

Isn't it abh sticking needles into children without a parent?

I'd be fuming. With the parent and the shop. Not so much my child, as he is a child, I'd direct my anger at the irresponsible adults.

[Tilly73]

I've just sent her a message, nothing too angry just asking what he told her.
He did have his phone on him
There have been a few issues at school and home with him lying to us and that's part of the reason I said no to an earring

[Penfold007]

Legally he doesn't need permission to get a piercing and the shop broke no laws. However, he broke your rules and knew you wouldn't let him have it done.

Will you make him take it out? Whatever happens do make sure he keeps it clean and expect him to be in pain for a day or two.

I would contact the mother and just politely tell her that you would not have given permission and that you do not want her ever signing anything like that for your son again. He may well have assured her that you wouldn't mind, stupid of her to believe him. I would be furious too.

How does he plan to repay his friend?

[Tilly73]

We've tried to get it out its stuck in there for now
It is more the principle and the disobeying my wishes
I probably would have changed my mind if he had improved his behaviour which has improved over the last few weeks

[Tilly73]

I've told him he's doing more chores this weekend
I gave him money to get milk and he has lost it ( I suppose I should be grateful I did get my milk)
I'm just really disappointed in him I thought we were making progress

[SanityClause]

Tilly, can I suggest you have a look at the boom that's recommended on here so often - Get out of my life, but first take me and Alex into town. It's really good for understanding the teenage mind. Also, have s loom at Nurtureshock, which has a chapter about children lying, which is truly enlightening.

[SanityClause]

Sorry for typos. I'm on my phone, but hopefully my post was reasonably intelligible.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Stuck or not, I wouldn't let it stay and it would be coming out ASAP. For the sake of a few chores, if you let him keep it, just shows him he gets his own way by going behind your back.

[Tilly73]

Thanks everyone for your advice, I know it seems trivial but I need to make sure he has respect for me
He's a good kid mostly and I love him unconditionally

[Tilly73]

I might take him to the shop to ask them to take it out
The chores are also to pay back the money he lost (not sure I believe him on that one)

[Fatstacks]

I tend to agree with Through I have no issue with piercings still trying to thin my own out but it does cross a big line.

I would take it out, the butterfly back could be stiff if it was a gun so it may take some pulling.
Hold the back and pull out the stud don't pull the back off iyswim.

Sanity has an idea too, a bit of help choosing which battles to fight could help you stand your ground.

I was way too soft with my ds and know full well he turned out o.k. through good luck and not my good judgment!

[tobysmum77]

I guess I've told my dds they can have their ears pierced b4 secondary school so I would have to let a boy also I hate pierced ears on males but not really relevant after all they are his ears.

The idea that another parent would be complicit is bizarre. Did he just lie and say he was 16? I remember a 14-year old friend of mine doing that but it was years ago.

He's trying to wind you up isn't he op? I remember my mum's reaction when I told her at 15 I was going to get my nose pierced slightly bored that's nice dear, it's chicken curry for tea. I never bothered .....

[pointythings]

She was wrong to do it without checking with you.
He was wrong for doing it behind your back.
You were wrong for setting a hard limit of 16.
You would not be wrong to now make him take it out because of his previous behaviour, though.

[Lonz]

It's not about how old he is. Yeah, some parents think it's okay to get piercings at 13. But the problem is that you weren't warned(?) or gave consent, it's that she had no respect as to whether you'd agree or not.

Personally I'd be absolutely pissed! My child (until he's 18) and I decide. I got my lip pierced at 16, but my mum gave me the money for it and agreed.

To be honest I don't even understand how they would feel comfortable with allowing someone else's child to go ahead with that without asking first!

If you don't know her all that well, is it really a loss if you blow up at her for failing to have responsibility? Do you want your child around that sort of parent?

I'd take it out, no matter what he has to say, let it close up and he gets it re-done when you said he could. I'm assuming he knew you hadn't agreed?

[Lucked]

My first earrings had screw backs.

[BeaufortBelle]

Fact is, my son would have been unable to attend school with a piercing. End of.