Things the Parenting Books will NEVER tell you!

[Cooki3Monst3r]

I thought it would be fun to start a thread on those secret, unspoken little woes of parenthood that no book will ever tell you about!!

If you could, what would you tell your pre-baby self?

I would tell myself that those little foibles my babies developed at 10 weeks that seemed so cute at the time - DD playing with my hair, DS stroking my eyelashes - are abso-fucking-lutely NOT cute 2 years down the line when you've got a bald patch and bleeding eyeballs!

(is it just me that gets mauled by their kids?)

[BalloonSlayer]

Oh yeah and apparently it turns out there are TWO four o'clocks in one day and one of them is in the middle of the night!! Who knew?

[Lindy2]

That you will at some point be covered in: wee, poo, snot and puke (not necessarily all at the same time) but that you will barely bat an eyelid.

[squizita]

'Happy mum, happy baby' may well assuage some of your guilt, but it isn't always true. Sometimes the things that are best for babies are a lot harder than the alternatives (for example breastfeeding: can be incredibly tough but, IMO, is ultimately better).

Now I breastfeed but - along with every breastfeeding support expert I've ever come across and pretty much every other breastfeeder in RL if it is really, actually, upsetting and causing mental or health issues to mum (anxiety because she can't do it, an illness- including mental - where medication would be best) or there are health reasons formula feeding requires no guilt as the benefits under those circumstances outweigh the (minor- because our whole generation hasn't dropped dead and 90+% of us were ff) risks. There IS NOT GUILT TO SO-CALLED *ASSUAGE". It is enormously cruel to such mothers to suggest otherwise.

How would you react if someone suggested you were clutching at straws to assuage your guilt at your lack of instinct? It would be a horrible thing to suggest.

[velocityofrudolph]

That there are times where, although you love them to pieces, you don't actually like your dc very much. It's rare, usually the result of a very trying day, and it won't do them any harm, but you will feel guilty about it, for weeks if not months.

That, despite everything, they usually turn into adults you are proud of, which is something to hold onto when you are facing the nth tantrum of the day/being called in to school for yet another misdemeanor/scraping poo off the wall

[Honesttodog]

Accepts that they are little fucktards when they are 3. Perhaps join the SAS to learn some tactics for coping with 3 yos before you get pg.

[MrsCharlesBrandon]

Balloonslayer Ha! So true! DD2 actually cried harder the first time she managed it because she caught sight of me doing a little dance on the landing.

No I have DS and it's all gone to pot again.

[ScarlettOHaraHamilton]

That not only will you not mind all the wee, snot, poo and vomit you invariable end up covered in at one point or another, you'll actively look in great detail at some of it in a failed effort to work out what has caused a problem.

That you develop the ability to make out the smell of your own child's poo from a group of twenty toddlers.

That towards the end of the day, when you are tired and your blood sugar is starting to dip, you'll quite willingly eat a half-chewed fish finger without batting an eyelid.

That when they unexpectedly do something lovely, your heart will actually stop for a second because it makes you remember that this is one of the people you love more than anyone else in the world.

[skyninja]

No-one tells you that while it's REALLY easy to smugly say you don't believe in smacking your children, sometimes it's actually really bloody hard to resist the temptation and that you will be sorely tempted on more than one occasion.

Particularly when your three-year-old pinned down the 1 year old on the patio and hit them on the head with a stick every time the 1 year old lifted his head up.....

[NancyRaygun]

Balloonslayer you are soooo right. The vomit one is a biggy.

For me it's the vaginal tearing. Bear with me... No books really prepared me for the tearing. It was all "crowning: some women may tear at this point" it didn't say "some babies have super large heads and your vagina will be so mangled that the Midwife calls a registrar to ask "where d'you think this bit goes?" as she is doing the stitches".

[Tallypet]

No matter how beautiful your pink lever arch file, that you painstakingly prepared all through pregnancy, with sections of really interesting/helpful advice will gather dust under your bed as you try to feed/put to sleep/entertain/raise your baby.

I managed all of two weeks (coincided with paternity leave) to be showered, daily hair washed dried and straightened plus make up on. That stopped abruptly as DH went back to work and after that I considered it a successful mission having been showered by 11am.

Start getting ready TWO hours before you need to be anywhere because baby will: feed/nap/poop/puke and will require about two outfit changes before you've even left the house.

And why the hell does no one mention how tortuous teething is?!

Wouldn't change it for the world

[ch1134]

Childbirth may well be horrendous, but looking after a baby can actually be just lovely.

[amothersplaceisinthewrong]

Actually, I would tell my pre pregnancy self to throw all childcare books, but especially those by Sheila Kitzinger in the bin and do what feels right for you ie follow your gut reaction.

[debbriana]

I have looked after children but I don't know that babies where a whole different kettle of fish. My phone and google where and still is my dear friend. All the questions I thought off, some else had asked before.
Best thing of all is to follow your gut feeling.
Babies don't just cry because they want to. Check the nappy, too cold or hot tired, hungry. And if all have failed . It must be Colic. If that is not the case then call for help.

[firstposts]

Children don't know where their heads are. Accidental head butting will be a part of your life for the first few years. You will develop the reflexes of a ninja to avoid it.

[natureplantar101]

My mother always told me "A parenting book won't wake you up at 3am for a feed and a cuddle" she was right id never buy one no matter how hard I found parenting they just pray on parents insecurities on being the best parent they can be and the ones i have flipped through in wh smiths are a load of make believe tosh that would never work in reality.

[Xenadog]

I hated being pregnant and dreaded the baby's arrival as I had antenatal depression. I wish I could go back to myself exactly one year ago and say it will all be fine. All Of the worry, stress and fear will vanish and you will fall truly in love with your little girl. Nothing else will ever compare to having this child and your perspective on the world will change 100% too. It's brilliant!

Oh and do follow through with the plan on bringing the baby up in the same(ish) way as a puppy - it actually works!

[Niklepic]

You will at some point accidentally injure your child, whether that be snipping off skin with nail clippers, letting them roll off the sofa or banging their head on door frames as you lovingly carry them to bed.

[Tallypet]

Oh, and go with your instincts! Just because Gina Ford parenting "experts" say it's okay to leave your baby crying while you regulate them into a 'routine' doesn't mean it's right. A crying baby is not seeking attention. It's seeking comfort

[ChunkyPickle]

That you'll do things to make your life easier, then you'll find yourself, with a 4-year-old on his hands and knees barking at you downstairs to 'wipe my bum!' because 'I don't want to see it'.. and yet you do it, because for some reason he is the most adorable toad you have ever met (OK, possibly tied with his younger brother and his dad).

Oh, and that 1-2 is the most relentless period (for me, so far) because they can't talk, they can move (and open cupboards and fridges), and they want you all the time. Give me a newborn or the 4 year old any day.

[ChunkyPickle]

Oh another one - don't worry if you don't feel an instant bond. Each time I'd had an EMCS (and I'm really, really grumpy the last few weeks of pregnancy it turns out), and all I could feel was duty (for want of a better way of putting it).

Each time, after a couple of weeks, I found myself smiling and watching him sleep, and each time, once they'd got old enough to have some personality, I fell hopelessly in love.

[ChunkyPickle]

You know, except for those days when they're being a total pain in the bum and you just want to get them in bed as soon as possible

[CruCru]

You like them more as they get older. You tolerate things you used to think were intolerable before you had kids.

[debbriana]

I was just thinking about this now. Two weeks ago I called my best friend and told her to never judge a mother for her actions. Except off cause abuse. If was to see a mother who was not able to cope I thought they were just lazy. Ones that offered finger foods that looked like crisp. I remember passing judgement on what kind of mother give there eight month old crisp. A baby with dry skin. I thought they just didn't oil there baby properly. Not enough moisturiser. Rash on the face, I thought they were just not clean enough. Never judge. Mothers try their best and sometimes things just don't workout the way you planed. It's a learning curve. Just don't make the mistake twice.

[debbriana]

Yes , I had forgotten about the showering. She has her nap, I have my showers. Then running from the bathroom half way through because she has woken up and yelling the house down.

[debbriana]

How about loosing the front of your hairline from messed up hormones. I really hated that. This is after giving birth. My hair lines has just grown back.