What is the one thing you'd wished you'd known about being a parent, before you became a parent?

[vashenca]

Hi all, my partner and I are starting to think about starting a family. We have watched various friends and family members go through process and most of them have mentioned something they wished they'd known before. So as part of us preparing for this venture, I am asking as many people as I can the question. If I have a good variety of answers, I am thinking about maybe putting them together as an ebook, so other would be parents can benefit too. I would love to hear what you'd wished you'd known about being a parent, before you became a parent? Many thanks :)

That absoloute pure undiluted joy can be found just by seeing your child's smiling face.

And children asleep in their beds for the night = bliss and relaxation.

Sleep is for wimps! Enjoy every single moment while you can. A lie in will be 7.30 am if you are lucky.

Every time you think you have cracked which ever stage of parenting you are at, another one raises it's head, just to challenge you (eg, teething, weaning, starting nursery etc)

Basically, I you have never nailed it.

My normally lovely 4 yr old has been hitting, kicking and scratching at bedtime for the last few nights and it has driven me to the actual edge of my sanity. I want to be the parent that I should be but finding it very challenging at the moment.

A radio (or the radio channel on the TV) is helpful for the boredom of endless lego games, housework, etc.

Bulk Buy Baby Wipes.

An insulated, plastic, lidded hot drinks cup will be essential in the first few months if you plan to finish any hot drinks.

Napisan is not just good for nappies - it helps with towels & bedding & you can wash use it at 30 to keep your utility bills down. You will be doing a lot of washing.

Breastfeeding can hurt, especially at first. The baby is born wanting to suck, that doesn't mean it's got the technique right as soon as it pops out!

Trust your instincts, sometimes it's better just to go with the flow.

You can read all the parenting guides in the world, that tell you how much food your child should be eating, how long they should sleep, at any given age. The child doesn't know that & will do their own thing.

You will value your time together with your partner much more, & look back to pre-children & wonder what you did all day.

It's terrifying, and the best thing ever.

That it's a 24 hour a day job with no holidays. Every time I sit down both of them sit on me. If I go to the kitchen they follow. If I go to the loo they come in with me. If I have a bath (ha ha) they sit outside the door and talk to me. They have a very invoked father and loving extended family but it's me they want. No one ever told me that might happen.

• involved

Having said all that, I came downstairs this evening and found that dd1 had covered the living room door with bits of paper saying 'I love you mummy' and various drawings. I don't get a second to myself. But it is 100% worth it.

How different it is to looking after other peoples' children. For both good and bad. I have childless friends who tell me how they know what I'm talking about and try to give me advice because they babysit or work with children - it's just not the same. Your own baby's cry almost physically hurts, as it's supposed to, and you will sit up at for hours at night stroking them or singing or jiggling them on your knee just so, to make it stop. Sometimes when you're alone with your baby, the realisation that you are responsible for a whole other person can be overwhelming. But when you teach them something new, or they reach up for a cuddle, or you watch them interact with others, that sense of love and pride is like nothing else.

And also, how much of a pain in the arse it can be to get a "night off," especially as a single parent. I must have foreseen this before I had a child but blocked it out or something. I have been known to sit and sob over babysitters cancelling when the promise of a night out was all that had been keeping me going through the broken sleep and lonely days.

Finally, it has amazed me how well I can manage without sleep! I used to love my sleep, but I haven't had a full night's sleep for about two years now and it's actually fine.

Definitely trust your instincts! I also wish I'd have known how difficult it can be to recover from labour and how painful stitches etc can be

You can manage on less sleep than you do pre kids. It will be fine.

Staying at home with a newborn is not the same as being home alone, it is weirdly lonelier!

I was petrified of becoming a mother and really thought id struggle. Id go against the general opinion that it's not as hard as I thought it would be. I was really lucky that I had a straight forward labour and touch wood, my daughter is a pretty easy baby.

I agree with what others say about boredom. My daughter is coming up 5 months and there isn't really much she can do so everyday feels the same. I'm back to work in January and looking forward to using my brain again!

Finally, id say how amazing it is to see your baby change everyday. I remember pre baby my friends on Facebook etc would say " x has just rolled over" or "x has just smiled for the first time". Until your a parent yourself you have no idea what a wonderful feeling that is. I'm completely smitten by my girly.

Tbh, for me, nothing. This is because no matter what anyone says nothing can prepare you for having a baby.

I remember the first night after we brought DS home (now 18 months), it was hell on earth. He cried practically non stop all night and we all eventually got to sleep at 8am. I'd got home from hospital the evening before with next to no sleep after a 31 hour labour and a night in the maternity ward. I remember my DP and I looking at each other in the wee small hours wondering wtf we'd got ourselves into. It got better after that!

It's been wonderful, he amazes us every day and like a pp, we've never ever laughed so much.

One piece of advice though is that time disappears so quickly, so through the tough times remember that this won't last forever and it'll be a distant memory in such a short time. That goes for the good stuff too!

The terror when you realise you are 100 percent responsible for a tiny helpless human, and you have no idea what you are doing!

That instead of a stupid bounty pack, new parents should be issued a tool belt containing sharp scissors, a Phillips screwdriver selection pack and eleventy billion batteries.

Also that when you buy Playmobil you construct it the night before the big birthday.

Ebook? From MN posts? will you be charging for that?

How incredibly stressful and hard Brest feeding can be in the first few months.

How much of a strain having a baby can have on your relationship.

Mr men books look fun but are a drag to read so don't buy the full collection from a book fair whilst pregnant like I did.

Be open minded about what you will and won't do when the baby comes... Dummy's can be a life saver and you don't get a medal for not using one!

I wish id known how guilty you can feel and how you will compare yourself to others and how they are parenting their newborns but then as soon as your baby becomes a toddler none of that matters anymore and will soon seem a distant memory!

I would say make the most of your time in hospital and make use of the midwives and maternity assistants cos its a lot more difficult to get support once you are home. Also buy a bottle of lactulose from boots for your first post birth poo

How mentally draining it is. I was prepared for the physical exhaustion and sleepless nights (all 5 years of them) but I wasn't prepared at all for the 'being on duty' 24/7.

And parks are boring. Really boring.

That being a single mum wasn't going to result in my child becoming a uncontrollable delinquent seething with resentment!

How strong your relationship is in my case it was over in the first year. How quickly the baby period is over. The first 6 months are just exhausting and very boring. I felt very lonely and isolated and just lost.
Dont compare your self to others ever your all in the same boat. Take lots and lots of photos of them as a baby and fill in the baby book.
Enjoy them not moving because when there toddlers they pull your house apart it will never be clean again.

You might not find the first 6 months boring. I loved it. As chickenpie said don't compare yourself! But I wish I'd known how patient and completely in love with my DD I would be. I am much nicer than my mother was with me!

For some reason I despised my husband for months after dd was born. He isn't a massive help but is a great father and didn't deserve such venomous hatred.
bfing is hard but I have never been prouder of myself.
The parenting books are laughably simplistic imo. I felt acting on instinct meant invariably doing the attachment method when I had vowed to make the baby fit in our lives rather than us being babycentric.

Your baby will be an individual - they're the only them that has ever been born - and no one has ever been thier Mum before. So, trust your instincts. Seek out advice but be wise enough to ignore it if it doesn't feel

That someone said before, nothing will be the same again. You don't carry on as before with a baby beside you, you need to adjust everything you do for this person who is 100% dependent on you. I didn't realise how much free time and independence I had before DS came along, I wish I'd appreciated more of that. I also didn't realise how tough it would be to do baby talk all day every day and how some babies hate the pram. Positively though I couldn't have imagined how much love I would feel and how proud I would be at every milestone DS makes. We are potty training just now and after only 4 days we had an accident free day and did lots of fun and exciting things which would have distracted him. He is my everything and I didn't know that would be the case.

You can not particularly like other people's kids but you will like your own! Although you feel warmer to other ones after having your own too.

Your life is completely different, but not ruined.

I had been described as being very unmaternal, I had little interaction with small children until my own - and I was not alone as I have a dear friend who worried she wouldn't love her DC as much as her beloved cats.
But the minute DD arrived my whole perspective shifted and i love being a parent so much. It has at times been the hardest thing I have ever done - but also I surprise myself - can't believe sometimes how much patience I can have, how I love things I used to hate or imagine to be dull
All my emotions are heightened and I love the primal sense of love I feel for my DC.
I know it sounds cheesy but honestly growing and nourishing my DCs is without doubt my biggest achievement.