Newborn won't be put down, won't lie on back and will only sleep on someone...any advice?

[highlove]

Just that really.

My beautiful new DD (dc1) screams if we try to put her down and especially if she's on her back. We've spent the last four nights since she got home taking it in turns to hold her while the other sleeps. We're persevering: get her properly off to sleep and then pop her in her bedside crib but it's getting nowhere - withing five minutes she'll be screaming bloody murder. I think she's too little to just let her cry but I'm at a loss as to what we might try.. It seems to be both being put down and being on her back she hates.

Amy advice on what we might do or try? We can manage for now but when DH goes back to work our current 'shift' system will be much harder. (And we're now bickering because we're both knackered.). Or is this just normal and we're idiotic new parents for thinking she would sleep in a crib?

Any advice or even just sympathy most gratefully received!

[Bananapickle]

We had this with DD and we ended up putting her to sleep on her side at 3 days old (with full agreement from our midwife) and we never looked back!
The other little things we did were to slightly warm the Moses basket with a hot water bottle wrapped in a towel so she wasn't going from nice warm us to a cold bed. Also our midwife told me to put a soft something down my top and put it in with DD so she could still smell me.
Not sure which or if all these helped!

[RoganJosh]

Is she any better during the day? They often have day and night reversed for the first week or so. You might find it's better when she sorts that out.

[EirikurNoromaour]

For naps DS would sometimes sleep in the car seat, it kind of rocked although they aren't supposed to be in them for ages. Bouncy chairs and automatic rockers can also work, as well as the pram. Sadly though you will probably just have to wait it out. My DS was the clingiest baby who wouldn't sleep alone at night until 4 months but he's now a dream child when it comes to sleep, and has been since pretty young. They just want to be near you and feel safe and held.

[yellowsnownoteatwillyou]

Thanks 5madthings, so nice to have your parenting choices slammed.
The difference between a bean bag and a baby bean bag is £50, I've looked. It works for my ds it may work for others.
I tend to look at recommendations then use instinct, I dont follow everything I'm told.

[Fairy1303]

DS did this - I can remember thinking 'it's all well and bloody good saying sleep when he sleeps but I can't put his down!!!'

Here are my tricks. Put hot water bottle in crib, along with nightie of yours, feed to sleep, remove hot water bottle, pop him in where it's warm and smells of you...

I used to find he would settle on his side, I would then wait for him to fall properly asleep and tip him onto his back.

Basically, trick them. Good luck.

[5madthings]

I didn't slam your parenting choucues and I saI'd it was something to look into and then decide and also pointed out it was like co sleeping lots of advice and you have to make your own choice. I also said if you ate watching them, which you do with newborns it's probably ok.

[5madthings]

And I ppointing out its slightly ironic they say no to beanbag with babies BUT manufacturers make and market specific beanbag fir babies! So it's a case of doing what you are happy with. I personally wouldn't put a tiny baby on a beanbag but over say 6mths I probably would.

[EauRouge]

My DD1 was like this. She's 5yo now and sleeps like a log. Don't worry about all those people that'll tell you about bad habits and rods for your own back- tis bollocks. Do what you need to do to get some rest. If you do co-sleep then look up the safety guidelines.

[TheScience]

Lots of babies are mildly refluxy at first and grow out of it without needing to be medicated.

DS2 is 12 days old now and has slept in his basket twice now I think Send your DH to the sofa/spare room and look up safe cosleeping.

[Pixielady83]

DD2 is very new and I've had to employ a few of these techniques to settle her. She seems most comfy on her side so we are swaddling and propping her against a rolled up blanket. Also warming crib with hot water bottle before she goes in. She is in a bedside crib so I'm putting her fairly close to me and sleeping facing her so she feels I'm close.

When I was having a panic about settling after the fourth night of her sleeping on me I did find 'Sleepypod' came up a fair bit, I'm on phone so can't link but it's meant to make baby feel more secure in big flat crib/basket, working along the same principles as the blanket bolsters.

Congratulations and good luck!

[CountBapula]

Does she settle okay for the first five minutes then wake up screaming?

If so, it might be because she's not in a deep enough sleep yet. Little babies take 20 minutes to fall into the deep part of their sleep cycle, IIRC.

You could set your watch by my DS at that age. What we'd do is put him down, then sit with a hand on his tummy so he knew we were still there. At about the 20 minute mark he'd always let out a big sigh, and that meant he'd moved into deep sleep. Some babies twitch or make some other sound. If we ever tried to leave him before that, he'd wake up screaming.

Worth a try.

[RiverTam]

have you tried swaddling? DD initially hated it but she settled very well with it and slept brilliantly. We would swaddle her, she'd have a bit of a moan but we'd hold her and rock her and she'd be fine.

Sling for when you can.

Could be reflux - cranial osteopathy maybe?

[TheUnstoppableWindmill]

We also put DS to sleep on his side with rolled up blankets on either side of him after several midwives told us to! He only slept like that for about 2 weeks, then was fine on his back.

[Theyaremysunshine]

Might be reflux but this is normal for any newborn, so I wouldn't rush to the doctors.

Neither of mine EVER used their Moses baskets, total waste of money. With DS I struggled on til 6 weeks and felt barely alive, then coslept. With dd I didn't even bother persisting and happily coslept from the start.

Try swaddling, try cosleeping, try waiting for the floppy arm moment (lift arm and if it flops, they're deeply asleep, if they pull back or resist at all, they're not asleep enough to put down), try white noise, try singing, try a lambskin under the sheet, try warming the mattress with a hot water bottle (obv removing and checking mattress not too hot before baby goes in).

Lower expectations and know that a non-sleeper is NOT your fault and there may be nothing you can do about it. Use a sling in the day. Don't compete on tiredness.

Things do tend to get better after the first 6 week baby fog. Try to cherish some of it, you will look back at it nostalgically one day!

[Theyaremysunshine]

This is some info about safe cosleeping on the kellymom website which is also fab for bf advice if you are.

[MrsHerculePoirot]

DD was similar she refused too sleep on her back and even in the hospital the midwives put her on her side. It didn't matter how long she was asleep for on anybody first as soon as you put her down on her back she woke up screaming. She didn't have reflux. We tried for 4 weeks without her sleeping for more than 20 minutes on her own. In the end I put her on her front and watched her like a hawk and she slept for three hours herself. After talking to my health visitor, GP, midwife etc... we took the decision that for us this was the safest sleeping option and she slept on her front from that point on. Of course now she is four she can sleep on her back!!!!!

[twojumpingbeans]

Swaddling is great - my DD2 was like this and it really did the trick. Though, now when I look back I just wish I'd cuddled her instead! Enjoy the lovely newborn snuggliness, it's just the best best best time :) congratulations!

[Stockhausen]

Are you breastfeeding? Just wondering if not, maybe the formula isn't agreeing with her? Also, this can be quite normal... Sorry!

Right now, you need to sleep when she sleeps & bugger the housework, we ate chilled pizzas quite a lot in those first hellish tricky couple of weeks.

It will get better though, we promise!

[Homebirthquestion]

With DC1 we went slowly mad because she was exactly the same as yours. DC2 was fine but with current newborn she wouldnt be put down at all at night until 6 weeks. she's coslept with me since day 1 and we're all so much happier. She's slowly progressing to doing one sleep a night next to me on her tummy instead of lying on my arm. We'll get there!

[Driveway]

Some babies are like that. One of mine went happily into the moses basket right away, the other would only sleep on my chest for weeks.
I'd probably recommend looking into cosleeping if you've got a baby who needs to feel close to you.

[TheBeanpole]

DD (13 weeks) was/is like this too, and we took turns with her on our chest. She doesn't have reflux. We have an Ikea cot rigged up as a co-sleeper, and she now spends about 70% of the night in there, and the rest of the time co-sleeping proper. She's always been a side sleeper though- she managed to get on her side the very first time she was put in a crib in hospital (sort of folds up and wiggles) and with the HV's blessing we put her on her side. If you pull the bottom arm out they can't roll on their front.
We also tried a sleepyhead - this worked for a while, but we've just ditched it as lifting her into it was disturbing her.
Are you breastfeeding? Try and master feeding lying down. It helps trick them into a deeper sleep without moving them.
We found it a total shock too- but it is loads better now. I felt I was going quite mad for a while.

[Bankholidaybaby]

Your baby's instinct tells her that it is dangerous to be alone (no one has told her that there aren't wolves/lions in the UK) so she protests at being put down. She also wants to be warm and comforted by your lovely smell and touch. It's abnormal for a baby not to be troubled by being away from her mother.

[MJP1]

My midwife told me to put a hot water bottle in the Moses basket to warm it up, obviously taking it out once the baby was put in it, and also wrapping up cot sheets and putting them at the side of her so she was sort of held close when sleeping.
Oh it's bringing back memories she's just turned 1. She hardly ever slept on me or anyone and still doesn't ( she has major allergies and had reflux) she is a wonderful sleeper now though.

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

Bean bags can suffocate, so not a good idea

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

Just saw the bit about baby bean bags. Well, the manufacturers also produce cot bumpers and they are dangerous so who knows. But it might be a good options for someone I guess.