My sister has a two half yr old girl who from the day she was born screamed and shouted, didn't want to be cuddled, is demanding and manipulative. I see them around once a week and the toddler is always the same, my mum and brother see it too and it's getting to the point were it's becoming stressful to bring my child (20 months) to my sisters house for fear that she will be hit, bitten and screamed at.
My sister doesn't seem to want discipline the toddler and panders to her every wimper. She has a five yr old sister who acts up a lot as she sees the younger one getting her way. My sis doesn't have a problem disciplining the 5 yr old which completely confuses her.
The toddler speaks with a really croaky voice as she's always screaming. She never makes eye contact. She always look bedraggled, pale sick and tired.
She can squeal like a banshee all day long if she doesnt get her way. However she's a smart little lady, quite Tom boyish, fearless and what most would call a 'character'.
This isn't the terrible twos going on, she has always been like this and my sister is a very intelligent school teacher who seems to know a lot about child behaviour but just won't open he eyes to her own children.
My relationship with my sister has its ups and downs and I've come to realise that it's best I say nothing with regards to how she parents or lives her life but I do worry about this child. Could this child have a hormonal imbalance or something that a child physiatrist could work on or is she just too young? During the pregnancy my sister had major issues with her husband and I know it was a difficult time for them. Has the child picked up on this in utero?
Before I left her house (in a rush) I suggested she give the child some rescue remedy, that's as much as I could say without having the door slammed in my face. I'd really like some advice on this as I am going to have a conversation about it if I think it will help the child and if my sister can't take it then I'll totally back off and leave her too it.
Thanks for reading x
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Parenting
Can a child have anger issues from birth? Born bad?
misslavery · 25/07/2013 21:13
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I had 3 with reflux (lucky me)! My youngest is still on medication as he is 11 months.
The gruff voice does sound familiar. If she has had undiagnosed reflux then her esophagus would be damaged making eating very painful and making her generally quite miserable.
My 3rd DC has the most awful temper. Im finding it quite strange to see a baby with such anger. Neither my husband or I are bad tempered by nature and my other DS and DD are pretty laid back too.
He cried constantly as babies with reflux do but unlike the other two it carried on well past 6 months. He has calmed a little but still cries so much for a 11 month old. Usually a delightful stage.
He goes rigid with temper and lunges at me to bite me or lashes out with his hands. Never seen a baby act like this before. It doesn't take much to set him off.
He can also be adorable at times with an amazing smile and giggle and he loves his big brother and sister and can be extremely affectionate too. If it wasn't for these odd moments Id be convinced there is something wrong with him.
He sleeps all night and I make sure he gets his two naps in his cot or life would be hell with his temper! He won't sleep in his buggy at all. Not easy with one at school and one at nursery but I go to extreme lengths to give him his sleep. Poor DS & DD have to walk on eggshells in the house when he is napping.
Im digressing majorly hear but Im just pointing out that yes, babies can be born with a temper I suppose. I can't explain why as im baffled myself.
Funny you should mention your sister and BiL having problems during the PG. We were having major financial problems when I found out I was PG with him and I was devastated at the time. I was very emotional and short tempered during the PG. I wonder at times if that could have impacted on him 
.
Wow. LurcioLovesFrankie. I know you say you don't want to derail the thread, and me neither, OP, ignore me, this is just a comment to LurcioLovesFrankie, this is the reason {epigenetics} that I don't worry my son will turn out like his father. I read through the specs for Pathalogical Demand Avoidance Syndrome and Oppositional Defiance Disorder, and although I thought, hmm, yeh, this can be my son, more than that I thought "eureka this is his father". But his father was a disappointment to his parents who wanted a more easy going sociable child. He was ignored by them at times, or mocked, and even sometimes TIED UP. He was totally unsupported at school too, despite being clever. So he got four As at school and went on to a good university where from then on he was autonomous and the old issues became less apparent. Unless you were trying to reach a compromise with him!! 
and then you were in trouble.
My son has been loved, supported, nurtured, given extra help at school through social role play and dealing with anger role play and empathy role play. school has been fantastic and he's always rewarded and praised when he does co-operate or yield to please somebody else, so I might be optimistic but I see him having a much better chance of having equal relationships when he's older. Although bloody hell it'd have to be with a strong person who could hold their own.
I do not believe children can be born 'bad'. There is some suggestion (although it is not something all psychologists agree on) that children can be born with psychopathic traits. This is not the same as being born bad. Lots of people have psychopathic traits, they do not make you evil, and they can be helpful (for example, they can be helpful in business). Part of my job is assessing offenders on the psychopathy scale and giving treatment, so I'm not talking out of my arse.
Narcissism is a personality disorder, you are not born with a personality disorder.
When I've worked with families where one member has been labelled as the 'problem' it is most often a case that other family members is locating traits within themselves that they are unhappy or anxious about within that person (for example, it may be easier to describe a child as bad than to address problems within the family environment that might lead to bad behaviour, or perhaps they are afraid they are bad themselves and the anxiety this brings about is lessened by labelling someone else as worse). That is why family therapy is often so successful.
I feel for your niece. She's still just a baby.
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