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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

dummy or not for 7 week old?

39 replies

sparklytoes · 04/10/2011 18:35

Hi there, I am confused about my thoughts on dummies! My dd is 7 weeks old and some nights can cry herself into a right state. Sometimes I think it is wind/reflux and try and bring it up, sometimes I think she has just had enough of the day...the hv suggested that a dummy might soothe her a little just so she can enjoy her bath, feed without fussing etc. She doesn't seem to need one in the day and I'm kind of reluctant to start a habit I might find diificult to get out of. Also, she has started to become more interested in sucking her hands and I think it might only be a matter of time before she finds her thumb - a friend advised me that I should give her a dummy to stop this as I can always take a dummy away eventually. I just don't know what to do - don't really like them but wonder if it actually would be better to try her with one - what are your experiences?

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sparklytoes · 08/10/2011 12:34

well, I tried the dummy when she got to her fussy time but she didn't quite know how to take it! It kind of seemed to soothe her, but I had to keep putting it back in as she was letting it fall out of her mouth. She wasn't spitting it out as such, more like she didn't know how to hold on to it. Going to try again tonight I think and see how she gets on. Maybe she just doesn't like the kind that I have for her?

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GreenMonkies · 08/10/2011 12:45

Is she breast or ff? If she's breastfed then you should be able to meet all her sucking/comfort needs by nursing, if she's ff then a dummy to help soothe her in your arms is the best alternative.

But. And theres always a but. Remember that a dummy is a boob-comfort replacement, use it in the situations that you would, if breastfeeding, use comfort nursing. So, when rocking to sleep, cuddling etc. Try not to use it as a "remote noise reduction device", by that I mean, in the pram, in the cot/moses basket, in the shopping trolley and so on. Why? Because comfort should come from nurture (being held, worn in a sling, nursed, cuddled, rocked etc) not an inanimate chunk of latex/silicone. And equally as important, prolonged use of artificial nipples causes abnormal oral and nasal development. This results is dental malocclusion and breathing issues like Sleep Apnea, which can be very serious.

I'd not use a dummy, neither of mine had one, I just nursed them or carried them in a sling.

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GreenMonkies · 08/10/2011 12:50

Firsttimer84, I had no idea that organisations like LLL, ABM and so on were talking rubbish, how could such well researched information been so mistaken. After all, you've been doing it for 6 whole weeks, so obviously know far more than people who've been breastfeeding & infant care experts for over 50 years.....

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firsttimer84 · 08/10/2011 12:55

My midwife told me it was rubbish and I found it true. Other posters have said the same why pick on me?

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sparklytoes · 08/10/2011 13:46

Monkies, she is bf and feeds really well generally. The boob/being carried in a sling seems to comfort her most of the time, but it is just the evening/late afternoon where she seems to get herself in such a tizz that she won't go on the boob properly - she takes it, then spits it out almost instantly. HV suggested a dummy to try and calm her a bit but I wasn't sure. THere is no way we would think about using it other than this, I totally agree that babies needs are best met when closely nurtured but just feel fairly helpless when she works herself up so much in the evening and can't seem to be soothed - wondered if a dummy might help but had felt fairly reluctant so far to try it... This new parent thing is a minefield!!!

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pettyprudence · 08/10/2011 13:54

OP what kind of dummy are you using? I tried all the orthodontic ones on my ds (figured if he was going to have the damn thing he would have the best) - he didn't know what to do with them. In the end it was a big fat tesco value cherry dummy that worked (only about £1 for 2!). I was worried about his teeth development but checked with the dentist who said that the old style cherry ones were ok unless they still had them at 5/6years old when the adult teeth came through (although I think you've got bigger problems on your hands if dc's still have dummies at that point!).

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GreenMonkies · 08/10/2011 14:08

Late afternoon/early evening is a classic time for unsettled babies, they tend to cluster feed at this time and get very frantic if they aren't getting what they want/need. What positioning are you using? Classic Cradle hold or more relaxed? Try doing a bath (together maybe?) then getting her into her sleepsuit and then snuggling down on the sofa or even in your bed and allowing her to cuddle and feed as and when she wants. 6-7 weeks is also when a lot of babies have a growth spurt, and can get very frazzled, so perhaps she's being extra flappy because of that too.

firsttimer, I'm sorry to pick on you, it's not personal, but to say, after 6 weeks, that nipple confusion is rubbish winds people like me up immensely. I've been peer supporting and training to be a bf counsellor for the last 8 years, and trust me, with a lot of babies it does make a difference, and often the difference doesn't show in the first 6 weeks. If the dummy is used to pacify a baby during growth spurts then mums milk supply doesn't crank up to meet babys new demands, and so the frustration with the breast grows, and so on. I apologise for coming down on you like a ton of bricks, but please, be careful when you hand out advice that contradicts that which has been carefully researched and isn't funded by any with a vested interest. (Like the study which said dummies help prevent SIDS, which was funded by MAM.....)

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firsttimer84 · 08/10/2011 14:33

Sorry you obviously have more experience than me! ( not being sarcastic) I probably should have said my midwife said it was rubbish and therefore that was my opinion, plus my baby being fine with it. I wasn't handing out advice, I don't feel confident enough to do that at 6 weeks, but sharing my limited experience and that is no nipple confusion to speak of.

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GreenMonkies · 08/10/2011 15:03

firsttimer, I'm sorry I jumped on your head. (your baby may be fine with it for now, but be careful, and check how much training your mw has had in breastfeeding support too!)

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madwomanintheattic · 08/10/2011 21:09

do what you need to do to stay sane, firsttimer.

being a fretting exhausted mum isn't going to do much good for your milk supply either. if you can't soothe your baby, try a dummy. (i didn't see anything to suggest you were routine feeding rather than on demand?)

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sparklytoes · 08/10/2011 21:38

monkies, the fussiness is usually when I am feeding her in the cradle hold and fairly relaxed on the sofa before we have a bath. I tried tonight just getting into bed and feeding her in more of a laid back position, it seemed to calm her down a little more than usual. She didn't progress to mega crying anyway! I didn't actually feel like we needed to try the dummy tonight as she wasn't geting herself as worked up as usual.
prudence, it's a tommee tippee dummy that we tried - she just seemed a bit bewildered by it though!

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pettyprudence · 08/10/2011 21:44

ah the TT ones are orthodontic too - funny shaped! I also tried MAM ones after reading around on MN but me and another friend have found cherry are the only ones our LOs will tke.

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MrsBloodyTroll · 09/10/2011 13:30

firsttimer I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you yesterday, had Internet outage and couldn't get online.

monkies I was the person who called nipple confusion a load of old twaddle...in my experience (2 DCs) and the experience of a wide network of NCT friends and other friends. The OP asked for advice on this forum, from other mums, based on our experiences, not from researchers.

All I'm trying to say to the OP is do what works for her and what gets her through the day. With my DC1 I comforted her with my nipples and became a human dummy, tied to her 24/7. I was miserable, I resented her for it very much, a dummy would have saved my sanity and made my first year with her infinitely happier. The OP sounded like she felt a bit like that.

With DC2 I'm using both dummy and nipple to comfort and am, 8 weeks in, so much happier as a mum. For a start I can now leave my baby for a few hours with my DH or my Mum. Never did that with DC1.

Thinking back to caveman times, when babies were raised by the tribe, presumably other women would offer their nipples for comfort if the mum were elsewhere. And after that we had wet nurses. Well, we're not about to do those things, are we? So I imagine that's why the dummy was invented.

I just think either extreme position (dummies cause nipple confusion/you must breast feed or you must use a dummy/bottle feed) is wrong and causes confusion and stress for new mums. I'm trying to advocate the flexible/whatever works approach. If we all did this then new mums would be so much happier, don't you think?

For the record, I'm speaking as someone who loves breastfeeding, bf my DC1 to 14 months in spite of various problems including mastitis. The pain was worth it. I try to encourage everyone I know to bf. But I also now believe that, based on my experiences and those of many friends, a mix of bf, ff and dummy is the best solution for many mums. Not everyone, of course.

Sorry for the thread hijack OP, just didn't want to leave firsttimer out on a limb when I was the one who first made that comment!

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ahhyesiseeyouvepooedonyourfoot · 09/10/2011 17:37

wow there green monkies steady on, just because we're talking about dummies for lil uns doesnt mean we're not giving them enough cuddle and loves - comfort nursing can not only leads to shredded nipples but colicy overfed babies, fraught and sicky from milk they dont want, imho dummies are a much more sensible option than that! no they shouldnt just be rammed in mouth everytime they cry but if they're sucking fingers/tongue, rooting then its what they need to comfort them whether being cuddled, going down for a nap or in their chair.