dummy or not for 7 week old?

[sparklytoes]

Hi there, I am confused about my thoughts on dummies! My dd is 7 weeks old and some nights can cry herself into a right state. Sometimes I think it is wind/reflux and try and bring it up, sometimes I think she has just had enough of the day...the hv suggested that a dummy might soothe her a little just so she can enjoy her bath, feed without fussing etc. She doesn't seem to need one in the day and I'm kind of reluctant to start a habit I might find diificult to get out of. Also, she has started to become more interested in sucking her hands and I think it might only be a matter of time before she finds her thumb - a friend advised me that I should give her a dummy to stop this as I can always take a dummy away eventually. I just don't know what to do - don't really like them but wonder if it actually would be better to try her with one - what are your experiences?

[ahhyesiseeyouvepooedonyourfoot]

wow there green monkies steady on, just because we're talking about dummies for lil uns doesnt mean we're not giving them enough cuddle and loves - comfort nursing can not only leads to shredded nipples but colicy overfed babies, fraught and sicky from milk they dont want, imho dummies are a much more sensible option than that! no they shouldnt just be rammed in mouth everytime they cry but if they're sucking fingers/tongue, rooting then its what they need to comfort them whether being cuddled, going down for a nap or in their chair.

[MrsBloodyTroll]

firsttimer I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you yesterday, had Internet outage and couldn't get online.

monkies I was the person who called nipple confusion a load of old twaddle...in my experience (2 DCs) and the experience of a wide network of NCT friends and other friends. The OP asked for advice on this forum, from other mums, based on our experiences, not from researchers.

All I'm trying to say to the OP is do what works for her and what gets her through the day. With my DC1 I comforted her with my nipples and became a human dummy, tied to her 24/7. I was miserable, I resented her for it very much, a dummy would have saved my sanity and made my first year with her infinitely happier. The OP sounded like she felt a bit like that.

With DC2 I'm using both dummy and nipple to comfort and am, 8 weeks in, so much happier as a mum. For a start I can now leave my baby for a few hours with my DH or my Mum. Never did that with DC1.

Thinking back to caveman times, when babies were raised by the tribe, presumably other women would offer their nipples for comfort if the mum were elsewhere. And after that we had wet nurses. Well, we're not about to do those things, are we? So I imagine that's why the dummy was invented.

I just think either extreme position (dummies cause nipple confusion/you must breast feed or you must use a dummy/bottle feed) is wrong and causes confusion and stress for new mums. I'm trying to advocate the flexible/whatever works approach. If we all did this then new mums would be so much happier, don't you think?

For the record, I'm speaking as someone who loves breastfeeding, bf my DC1 to 14 months in spite of various problems including mastitis. The pain was worth it. I try to encourage everyone I know to bf. But I also now believe that, based on my experiences and those of many friends, a mix of bf, ff and dummy is the best solution for many mums. Not everyone, of course.

Sorry for the thread hijack OP, just didn't want to leave firsttimer out on a limb when I was the one who first made that comment!

[pettyprudence]

ah the TT ones are orthodontic too - funny shaped! I also tried MAM ones after reading around on MN but me and another friend have found cherry are the only ones our LOs will tke.

[sparklytoes]

monkies, the fussiness is usually when I am feeding her in the cradle hold and fairly relaxed on the sofa before we have a bath. I tried tonight just getting into bed and feeding her in more of a laid back position, it seemed to calm her down a little more than usual. She didn't progress to mega crying anyway! I didn't actually feel like we needed to try the dummy tonight as she wasn't geting herself as worked up as usual.
prudence, it's a tommee tippee dummy that we tried - she just seemed a bit bewildered by it though!

[madwomanintheattic]

do what you need to do to stay sane, firsttimer.

being a fretting exhausted mum isn't going to do much good for your milk supply either. if you can't soothe your baby, try a dummy. (i didn't see anything to suggest you were routine feeding rather than on demand?)

[GreenMonkies]

firsttimer, I'm sorry I jumped on your head. (your baby may be fine with it for now, but be careful, and check how much training your mw has had in breastfeeding support too!)

[firsttimer84]

Sorry you obviously have more experience than me! ( not being sarcastic) I probably should have said my midwife said it was rubbish and therefore that was my opinion, plus my baby being fine with it. I wasn't handing out advice, I don't feel confident enough to do that at 6 weeks, but sharing my limited experience and that is no nipple confusion to speak of.

[GreenMonkies]

Late afternoon/early evening is a classic time for unsettled babies, they tend to cluster feed at this time and get very frantic if they aren't getting what they want/need. What positioning are you using? Classic Cradle hold or more relaxed? Try doing a bath (together maybe?) then getting her into her sleepsuit and then snuggling down on the sofa or even in your bed and allowing her to cuddle and feed as and when she wants. 6-7 weeks is also when a lot of babies have a growth spurt, and can get very frazzled, so perhaps she's being extra flappy because of that too.

firsttimer, I'm sorry to pick on you, it's not personal, but to say, after 6 weeks, that nipple confusion is rubbish winds people like me up immensely. I've been peer supporting and training to be a bf counsellor for the last 8 years, and trust me, with a lot of babies it does make a difference, and often the difference doesn't show in the first 6 weeks. If the dummy is used to pacify a baby during growth spurts then mums milk supply doesn't crank up to meet babys new demands, and so the frustration with the breast grows, and so on. I apologise for coming down on you like a ton of bricks, but please, be careful when you hand out advice that contradicts that which has been carefully researched and isn't funded by any with a vested interest. (Like the study which said dummies help prevent SIDS, which was funded by MAM.....)

[pettyprudence]

OP what kind of dummy are you using? I tried all the orthodontic ones on my ds (figured if he was going to have the damn thing he would have the best) - he didn't know what to do with them. In the end it was a big fat tesco value cherry dummy that worked (only about £1 for 2!). I was worried about his teeth development but checked with the dentist who said that the old style cherry ones were ok unless they still had them at 5/6years old when the adult teeth came through (although I think you've got bigger problems on your hands if dc's still have dummies at that point!).

[sparklytoes]

Monkies, she is bf and feeds really well generally. The boob/being carried in a sling seems to comfort her most of the time, but it is just the evening/late afternoon where she seems to get herself in such a tizz that she won't go on the boob properly - she takes it, then spits it out almost instantly. HV suggested a dummy to try and calm her a bit but I wasn't sure. THere is no way we would think about using it other than this, I totally agree that babies needs are best met when closely nurtured but just feel fairly helpless when she works herself up so much in the evening and can't seem to be soothed - wondered if a dummy might help but had felt fairly reluctant so far to try it... This new parent thing is a minefield!!!

[firsttimer84]

My midwife told me it was rubbish and I found it true. Other posters have said the same why pick on me?

[GreenMonkies]

Firsttimer84, I had no idea that organisations like LLL, ABM and so on were talking rubbish, how could such well researched information been so mistaken. After all, you've been doing it for 6 whole weeks, so obviously know far more than people who've been breastfeeding & infant care experts for over 50 years.....

[GreenMonkies]

Is she breast or ff? If she's breastfed then you should be able to meet all her sucking/comfort needs by nursing, if she's ff then a dummy to help soothe her in your arms is the best alternative.

But. And theres always a but. Remember that a dummy is a boob-comfort replacement, use it in the situations that you would, if breastfeeding, use comfort nursing. So, when rocking to sleep, cuddling etc. Try not to use it as a "remote noise reduction device", by that I mean, in the pram, in the cot/moses basket, in the shopping trolley and so on. Why? Because comfort should come from nurture (being held, worn in a sling, nursed, cuddled, rocked etc) not an inanimate chunk of latex/silicone. And equally as important, prolonged use of artificial nipples causes abnormal oral and nasal development. This results is dental malocclusion and breathing issues like Sleep Apnea, which can be very serious.

I'd not use a dummy, neither of mine had one, I just nursed them or carried them in a sling.

[sparklytoes]

well, I tried the dummy when she got to her fussy time but she didn't quite know how to take it! It kind of seemed to soothe her, but I had to keep putting it back in as she was letting it fall out of her mouth. She wasn't spitting it out as such, more like she didn't know how to hold on to it. Going to try again tonight I think and see how she gets on. Maybe she just doesn't like the kind that I have for her?

[firsttimer84]

Nipple confusion is a load of rubbish. Babies need to suck and if it's on the boob all the time they get really sore stomachs. I gave mine a dummy at 2 weeks and it really soothes him. He's never had nipple confusion, in fact as another poster said he goes between dummy, breast and bottle without any hesitation. He's now 6 weeks.

[pettyprudence]

Spaklytoes my ds was like that too in the evening - very fussy but he wasn't colickly. It was like he wanted to suck but got pissed off when milk came out, therefor dummy was a godsend

[GeneralDisarray]

well said mrs troll!! baby dissaray is on bottles of expressed, actual breast and dummy - and at 4 weeks happily swaps between all three without a blink

[MrsBloodyTroll]

Nipple confusion is a load of old twaddle invented by the breastfeeding mafia, IMHO.

Did someone say something?

Seriously, I'm a big fan and advocate of breastfeeding and have not heard of any baby having this issue.

Do what works for you and whatever gets you through with your sanity and family intact.

[NoGoodAtHousework]

Dummy all the way!!

[GeneralDisarray]

my dd is 4 weeks breastfeed and a dummy has been a god send - otherwise my nipples would be in shreds! though I do worry about over use and weaning her off it - but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it I guess!

[dearheart]

It's okay to give your baby a dummy if you are bfing, so long as it is not in the first 6 weeks (when it causes nipple confusion). If you do it, I would use it sparingly (ie for sleep etc). I gave dd1 one - massive relief. She was an incredibly sucky baby, and needed it. I took it away when she was 3 years, and she found her thumb the following week - so I disagree that it is easy to stop! Have no idea what I would do differently, but didn't give dd2 one at all.

But if the main issue is crying and fussing, then have a look at this clip about Dr Harvey Karp's 5 S's. It is truly brilliant:

[madwomanintheattic]

so dd1 was a dummy baby. we took it away on her first birthday. no drama at all.

ds1 wouldn't take a dummy, despite my very best efforts , he would only soothe whilst feeding. wouldn't take a bottle ever. was completely plastic-phobic due to having rsv and double pneumonia at 10 weeks.

dd2 was born with no suck and gag reflex, and scbu asked my permission to use dummies to try and stimulate a suck reflex. i willingly agreed. (although her suck did eventually develop, she couldn't suck a dummy and was initially tube fed)

i'm well over my dummy phobia. sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.

you won't know if you don't try.

[madwomanintheattic]

dd1 was really and trult a horrible baby. dh and i had sworn we were never ever going to use dummies. ever.

by six weeks old she would scream non-stop for hours every evening. (from 4 until about 1 or 2am).

dh went away with work for a week when she was 6 weeks old and left me alone with this screaming squalling ball of uncomfortable colicky windy baby.

by about day 3 i was slightly on -edge , and a couple of friends whose dh's were also away invited me round for a chinese take-away (one of them had a baby a couple of weeks older than dd, so it was more 'keep the new mums sane'). the driver with no kids arrived to pick me up and found me sobbing into the washing up with dd1 screaming.

she whisked us all away after drying tears etc, and we took it in turns to try and soothe dd1, i fed her (she was bf), nothing but screaming. so we put her in the bouncy chair and listened to her squawk for a bit to see if she would settle.

eventually my friend with the baby said 'you know... there are about 6 freshly sterilised newborn dummies on my kitchen side.'

'oh no' i said 'dh would kill me'.

so we passed dd1 round a bit more. still screaming. back in the chair.

eventually we decided it was probably worth a scientific experiment to see if it would make a difference. . so she popped the dummy into dd1's mouth whilst we all sat and peered round the bouncy chair.

dd1 immediately stopped squalling and went to sleep.

reader, i ate my take away and had a glass of wine.

[estya]

Its instinct for a baby to suck. Many years gone by babies would be sucking on the breast all day and all night. Some babies have this instinct stronger than others.

Dummies aren't a great look but I do think its better (and easier) to help your baby scratch their itch when they are really little.

I'm yet to find out if LO will give it up on her own. She is 10 months and only has it in her cot.

[MrsBloodyTroll]

Sounds to me like wind/colic which sucking can help to soothe. My DC1 was almost identical and I didn't use a dummy with her, but now wish I had. Main reason is that I became the only person who could soothe her, was an absolute slave to her, became exhausted and resentful.

At some point you will want or need to be away from her, and introducing the dummy and bottle gives you some flexibility.

With DC2 I am using dummy (sparingly) and it has been much easier so far. He is almost 7 weeks.

Try reading up on colic. I recommend tummy massage.