shouting vs. smacking

[emkana]

I shout at my children far far far too often and really hate myself for it. The other thread has made me think if I can really feel that great about being a non-smacker, if I'm not potentially doing more harm by shouting so much.
I never say anything bad or derogatory, never ever, but just lose patience or shout orders or "Verdammt noch mal" (something like dammit I suppose).

[WickedWestCountryLass]

I don't know about you but I can count on one hand the number of times I have lost it, the majority of the time I am pretty calm when dealing with my kids but on the odd occasion and usually when there are mitigating circumstances I have turned into a fire breathing dragon. Of course I feel guilty about it but I also think it is a valuable lesson for our kids to learn that everyone, including Mum and Dad, have their limits. The world does not revolve around them, they can't always get there own way, sometimes they are pretty annoying and occasionally Mum goes nuts - but she is still Mum and she does revert back to her normal self when she's calmed down.

There is so much pressure on parents to be perfect, no one is perfect, we are trying the best that we can.

[Hulababy]

I agree. i don't smakc and I also very rarely shout. I quickly found out when teaching that shouting doesn't have that much affect, so don't use it at home either.

[WickedWestCountryLass]

Does it have to be Shouting v Smacking? I don't smack and I try not to shout, so do the parents that smack not shout then?

[moondog]

Nah forget it.
Sometimes I think I've been really horrid,but when dd then starts behaving really nicely,I know that it probably did her good.
I remember being sent to bed in disgrace at my own birthday party! Ican honestly say I deserved it.

[aloha]

Trefusis and, indeed
So, so familiar!

[moondog]

Ooh tref!
You're dead 'ard you!

[Passionflowerinapeartree]

I am in the sewer mouthed termagent club as well I say bloody far, far too often.

[saadia]

I have in the past shouted at ds1 (nearly 4), but stopped pretty quick smart when I saw that he was using it right back at me. One piece of advice I always give new parents is not to do anything in front of the kids that they don't want them to imitate because it is sometimes quite shocking to see how much they become a mirror of ourselves.

I do need to raise my voice to be heard if he is shouting, but I have now learnt to not lose my temper in front of him.

[moondog]

Tref,gosh,I barely consider 'bloody' a swear word (which gives you some idea of the sewer that is my mouth.)

[HRHQoQ]

moondog - I know the feeling......I'm very suprised neither of my children have been heard to utter any swear words yet

[moondog]

I shout and swear.
(Not that I am proud of it..)

[HRHQoQ]

If I raise my voice at all......even to a "stern" rather than shouting voice - DS2 (23 months) promptly bursts into tears and throws himself on the floor!

[NotQuiteCockney]

DS1 does get upset if I shout, which I guess means I don't shout that much?

I never shout abuse or rude things, the worst thing I've said was "I quit.". That was after an entirely unnecessary poo accident, in public. I apologised for it.

I don't find shouting in the morning actually helps, though, is the thing. If I manage to be high energy and helpful, we actually get out faster, and everyone is still friends.

[emkana]

Well, moondog, everybody around me always says how incredibly patient I am, but then I don't feel like shouting when I'm with other people, so it's very much a "behind closed doors" thing here I'm afraid.

[emkana]

Yes, but then you would say that wouldn't you QofQ?

No offence intended.

And I might agree with you, that's why I started this thread after all.

Dd2 by the way isn't bothered in the slightest when I shout at her. She laughs mostly and says "I'm really happy Mummy."

[moondog]

She's asleep already spidermama,dreaming of horseriding tomorrow no doubt.
I have lots of hangups about my parenting style but have never had any qualms whatsoever about sleeping issues or giving a bollocking when necessary.

(I thought I shouted a lot but two friends have told me on separate occasions 'Moondog,you never shout at your kids!' so I mustn't be too bad!)

[spidermama]

Possibly. Some shouting is worse than other shouting, just as some smacking is worse. By worse I mean more traumatic for the child.

[HRHQoQ]

back to the point in question - I think lots of shouting does more harm than the occasional single smack.

[motherinferior]

Getting everyone out of the house doesn't count, does it? We would end up incarcerated indefinitely in then Inferiority Complex if I didn't bellow at some stage in the proceedings HURRY UP NOW OR WE'LL BE LATE.

[spidermama]

Now she's alone in the dark thinking about it Moondog.

Whoops! Sorry. I'm sure she's fine.