I didn't know it'd be this hard :-(

[JazzieJeff]

Hi all, just had my first baby last Thursday, he is 6 days old today and I should be on top of the world, but I'm not. I never thought I'd find it easy, but I never thought I'd find it this hard either. I feel like my life is out of control, during the day I'm alright, but it gets to about 7 o clock after I've put him down to sleep and I actually start feeling sick with dread about what's going to come. When he cries, the sound feels like it's penetrating my soul, it makes me want to be I'll and cry myself. I know I'm not going to get any sleep, and I don't know when it's going to get better.

I knew beforehand it was going to be hard, but the reality of DH and I being up at the coalface 24/7 is so hard. I love my son so much, but sometimes I think such horrible things. The other night when he was going nuts at 3am, I just cried along with him and thought i should give myself into social services because I just make him miserable.
The next minute, all is well and we're all happy again. It's so up and down I can't keep up. I scare myself sometimes with the swing of my moods. I see other people with their kids in the park playing with them, or my friends with their babies and it's not like that for them. I'm just so desperate to be a decent mum. SO desperate. But I just can't do it. I can't imagine how I'll cope when DH goes back to work.

[TheUnmentioned]

He hadnt given up on you, maybe he had a bit of wind that shifted, maybe he was just grumpy and came out of it, maybe anything, but he doesnt have the understanding to give up on you, you are his whole world. :) With ds I picked him up at every whimper, with dd she sometimes resettles herself, not taht Im leaving her crying but sometimes Im making ds's lunch or taking him to the toilet or putting his shoes on etc - she is naturally a much more chilled baby than he ever was, I dont know if its because she just is or if its because she has to be iyswim?

Remember that sometimes babies are grumpy not because theyre ill or wet or dirty or hungry or in pain but just because they want to, just like sometimes I am grumpy because I am!

Fwiw dd is almost 4 weeks and has been smiling for a few days now, it makes SUCH a difference to how I feel. You havent got long to wait until that milestone.

[AllOverIt]

Glad you've posted again jazzie - Two purchases that were a godsend.

1. A Stim mobile Ds used to stare at it for a good 20 mins about three times a day - enough time to bolt down your breakfast / lunch / dinner
   
   
2. A Baby Bjorn Bouncer OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING. I already had an all singing all dancing bouncer for DS. Someone recommended this as both mine had colic and literally lived in it til they were 4 months old (not literally, but you know what I mean!). There's something about the bounce action that's different and it's very calming.
   
   Both are pricey, but well worth the money. You can pick them up cheaper second hand on Ebay....

[AllOverIt]

P.S. I've since lent mine to others and they've also sworn by them. One phoned me up sobbing as she was so relieved that her DS napped in it. He hadn't napped anywhere other than on her shoulder since he was born a month before!

[JazzieJeff]

Oh god he's just thrown up an entire feed! Woke him up, he took 2oz really fast then projectiled all over me, DH tried to give him more and he threw that up too :-( hope he's not poorly. Put him down in his chair in the living room next to us to keep an eye on him. Really hope he's ok :-(

It just feels at the minute like it's one step forward and two steps back. We do something great, like have a nice long nap or whatever or start taking a bigger feed and then BANG! This happens and I'm reduced to a wobbly jelly like wreck, worrying about all sorts of things. I can't even imagine being normal again sometimes. God I sound pathetic! I just want to get a hold of myself again, thousands of women do this every year!

Thanks again for words of support, it feels so reassuring xx

[ColonelParsons]

You are in no way pathetic, I felt like this for about 6 months after DD was born. Take him to your GP tomorrow, he could have reflux (if memory serves, it usually comes on a bit later, but you never know). It's not a big deal, keep an eye on him and see what your GP says tomorrow.

You will feel normal again, honestly you will. For me it took quite a long time but for most of my friends it took a couple of months. Does your DH know how you feel and is he supportive? Having a supportive OH is so helpful, as is having a support network around you. I confided in my mum a lot and she was fantastic.

Just the fact that you care enough to worry and to post on here means that you are already a great mum. Everything you're feeling is, unfortunately, very normal. Someone said to me after I had DD that it was a bit like a bomb going off in the middle of your life, and you have to rebuild it from the rubble. She totally got how I felt, and the thing is, now DD is 9 months old, we have not only rebuilt, but life is better and stronger and more fun than I ever could have imagined. Hang on in there and don't be afraid to ask for help, or take it when offered.

Big squeeze.

[TheUnmentioned]

dd did this at 7 days too, she still does it on and off. I bet it wasnt a whole feed. try throwing 2oz onto a tea towel, it is a HUGE amount when you see it like that.

thousands of women do what eveyr year? Have babies? yes and thousands worry and panic too, trust me!

[DirtyMartiniOfDoom]

No automatic need to worry about the posseting (throwing up). DD has been extremely possety all along (she is 5.5 months now and finally stopping posseting all over everything). Her brother was not so much like this. Loads of times I've thought she was bringing up practically all her milk but that was clearly not the case, because she did gain weight.

It could be reflux, or, it could just be that he is a bit of a sicky baby without minding, in which case it's really just a laundry issue . If it doesn't seem to be causing him distress then don't worry too much. You can ask the HV or doc about it next time you see them.

[pevie]

Just thinking as read this, that recently I thought about what the hardest thing I had to do in life was and I would say, having my children. DD1 is now 6 and DD2 is 3 and its still hard at times, but nothing comes close to the shock of having your first born home and trying to work out what to do. I couldn't believe that there was no respite from it and that I had basically shackled myself to this for the rest of my life. I felt buried alive for first 6 to 8 weeks and then occasionally saw glimpses of light!!!! It is hard and noone tells you - its like the great parent conspiracy!!!

Although my brother and wife recently had a baby who seems to sleep about 10 hours a night already - now that is freaky!!!!! Most experiences are like yours, but it definately does get better. I remember when DD1 was about 3 months and sleeping a bit better thinking, yes I can do this and I feel a bit normal again. You're doing well just hang on in there!!!

[SuzieHomemaker]

Reading this thread reminded me of when we got home from the hospital with DD1. We put her in her car seat down on the floor as we sat on the sofa in front of her and both said 'now what?'.

DD1 treated her first few years as a kind of vomitathon. She was a yoghurt factory. Milk would go down and a couple of minutes later back would come yoghurt! She is now a hale and hearty 15 year old so it didnt do too much lasting damage except that DH and I arent that keen on yoghurt!

This time will pass. Get sleep when and where you can.

[1234ThumbScrew]

Jazzie, whilst I'm not military I'm very organised and I do think this doesn't help at all at this stage (but it will later). Forget the ironing, forget having to do anything except breath, sleep, feed and if you're lucky eat. Expect to be in pj's, expect the house to be messy, clothes not washed etc. Enlist your dh to help with as much of that as he can. Only buy food that can be eaten with one hand leaving the other free to hold the baby - I remember Pizza being consumed a lot here. Don't try to be perfect it is not possible at this stage.

[JazzieJeff]

Hi everyone. I just felt like I had to come back and post to thank everyone who wrote back to my cry for help a few weeks back.

I'm still finding it difficult, DS is 5 weeks old today and so still decides to randomly go nuts for about 20 minutes a day, but I'm handling it better. His cry doesn't make me feel sick anymore; I'm more businesslike about it and think 'right, what can I do to make him better?'

I also feel much more balanced since I switched to ff instead. DH can take feeds, and I feel almost normal again. I guess bf isn't for everyone, the hormone hit it gave me knocked me sideways and I couldn't take it. I'm glad I tried though.

I still have bad times, but instead of it being the whole day, it's usually a couple of hours at the most and then im okay again.

I just wanted to say thankyou, really. I am SO grateful to everyone who wrote such kind words and gave me hope when I was in such a bad place. Xx

[Wigeon]

Hi JazzieJeff - I didn't post on your original thread but just wanted to say that it's so lovely that you've come back to say that things are getting a bit better. You are doing brilliantly. It's so nice to hear your positive attitude.

Remember that 5 weeks is still very young and your DS will still take you by surprise over the coming months. One of the surprises of parenthood for me was that babies don't follow a nice linear progression, whereby they start off waking up all the time and generally being hard to deal with, then gradually sleep better and easier to deal with. Just when you think you've got one thing figured out, your baby grows up a little bit and does something else you don't expect! And that's totally normal!

By the way, from reading your posts (and seeing your military background), you might find this book useful - it's called What Mothers Do, Especially When it Looks Like Nothing. It really helps reassure you that just because you didn't apparently achieve a great deal in the same way you probably did each day at work, you are still doing a very valuable job, most of the time without realising it. It's written in a very non-patronising way.

Good luck with continuing to get to know your DS!

What Mothers Do