I never felt a bond with either of my parents at all! I always call myself the reject gene, I should most likely have been my grandparents on my dads side, child, as we were app so similar, my nan and grandad found my dad so hard to bond with and they had a very hard time as a family as he was so different to them and vice versa. I don't have anyone I feel related too, even my step sister turned out so different to me, she's like my mother who could be awful at times, she found my quiet and hard working nature hard to live with, I likes to keep the house tidy as it was always such a disorganised mess due to her mental health issues, I was a child that likes to be cuddled and I never was by her, I have no memory of being hugged or read a book too or being coached with anything in life at all, at 18 she wanted me out! She clubbed together with my half sister who was argumentative and tbh lazy and hardly ever attended school, my step dad thankfully was the only person that ever showed me any love and i am so grateful for him! His own daughter never bonded with him but he never stood up for himself and let them get away with much more they shouldn't have done. My mumbled tmy step sister in a mess and only now 4 yrs in is she realising this. I feel like life has been so unfair and cruel to me, I've always tried to be so positive and good because I believed it was the right way to be, but this life has crapped all over me! I was so incredibly lucky I met my partner when I did who helped me out of such a vile situation and it was our tragic upbringings that we related on but has sadly made our lives even worse! He struggled with his temper at times due to seeing his dad raise 3 of them alone as his mother walked out on them all so young. He was raised with such a strong work ethic and despite him being affected so much himself by the loss of his mother he is so kind, he does have his own issues understandably and we have had our own issues at the start of our parenting journey when it dawned on us that we had got a child that was going to be difficult for us. Up to 3 months it was a dream and it was going so well despite an horrific and disastrous birth, shes woke us multiple times for the last 3.5 yrs it was terrible truely awful and it triggered a major autoimmune illness for my partner who now on top of it all has severe colitis. We have had to endure a lot of crying and battling constant defying everything we ask her to do, we are so gutted, we undertand children can be difficult and raising them but this is another league of hard!!! The tantrums we're off the scale and we aren't sure if this is just normal under 5 behaviour or possible ODD with maybe Asperger's/autism, we've been assured by pre school and now school she presents normally but at home we have a nightmare!!
Very explosive tantrums, refuses to eat, due to have bloods checked as she's so small, unagreeable nature, she is like out mothers and my difficult father, we have been unlucky and I am personally so fearful of how I will cope with raising a child like this if this continues. We are kind, hard working and good people who have had such hard and crap lives that only ever wanted to be loved and have a child we could show love to and finally have a family that was different to each of our own but it doesn't look like this will be our future at all!
I'll never undertand this life and I do feel it is cruel and so unfair, I just need to let this out, and find some way to be able to accept her for being who she is even if this is like our parents and this sinking feeling I carry everyday of such hopelessness for the future as this is now our lives.
I almost feel like I have no control of my future anymore because she can't even abide with us or even a lot of times compromise with us, maybe we aren't being strict, maybe we have to find a way to accept her for how she is. It's like this for example, we have always loved walking, she hates it! She refuses to walk even short distances, my parents were like this, telly addicts spent all their days sat in front of the tv! We try to change this much as we can but it's a draining battle so we have mostly just accepted this being how it is. We love food and trying new things, she rarely ever will eat the same meal same time as us, point blank refuses and will then wake up all night asking for milk so we have to give her anything that she will eat which is mostly awful food which we feel terrible giving her as want her to be trying to eat healthier.
She doesn't like the cinema, doesn't like to go to parties, often clings to me which is so hard for the first hr when neerly every other child is just having fun! Never seemed int in being at the park when she was little, she just seems happy to be inside in the house and in front of a tv or screen!
Ive always tried to socialise her as much as she's comfortable with, I've never forced anything but do worry she's naturally inclined to not being sociable. We live in quite a nice area due to how hard we've worked and she does appear to me to be a bit different to her peers which is a worry only because I want her to be sociable and have friends. She is almost 5 so has so much other to develop yet but it's clear what her natural traits appear to be. And having not a lot of family input or someone to talk to except my step dad who I try not to burden too much as he's struggling with the loss of my mum and his own hard relationship with his daughter he doesn't need this on top.
I'm sorry for this length but this is more than anyone I know could ever cope with, i feel like my life is a disaster and life's been so unfair to us, I just need some wise words and if anyone can relate to this, prob unlikely but any positive advice as I'm drowning in all of this x