1 year old starting nursery - I’m a nervous mess

[Danani]

My little girl will be 1 in August and she is starting nursery full time as I’m going back to work.
Her dad and I both work full time from
home, so when I say full time, I don’t necessarily mean 8 am - 6 pm. I’m sure there will be later drop offs or earlier pickups or on days where schedules allow she may stay home too. But, she will be going basically daily.
We will be doing settling sessions starting mid July, the nursery is a 10 min walk away and the staff have been really friendly and accommodating BUT I can’t help but worry about how and if she’ll adjust.
We’ve been together 24/7 since she was born; we don’t live near family so really it’s me and DH that look after her. I’ve been taking her to different baby groups and baby sensory since she turned 5 months old though, so she (and I) can socialize with other people and introduce some different environments that are not home. But of course those are only 1 h long and we’re together.
I’m just worried if she will adjust to going to nursery, if she’ll like it, if she’ll cry. And apart from that my biggest worry is sleep. She is a very very curious and active lady and I cannot wrap my head around how sleep will happen in a bright lit and noisy room full of other babies, adults, toys…I am petrified of her not being to get any rest during the day and then being an overtired mess at night…
She falls asleep really quickly at home but does take shorter naps, so still needs 3 at the moment, so I imagine will need 2 by the time she starts. And I always put her in her room where it’s nice and dark and quiet (with some white noise on). She also sleeps well in the baby carrier or pram and doesn’t particularly care about noise
anybody got any advice or words of encouragement?

[DrMarciaFieldstone]

Nurseries have some sort of white magic; they lie all the babies down and they just… sleep!! Even the ones that don’t sleep at home.

Try not to worry.

[AuntieJune]

You're underestimating how adaptable babies are! Nurseries go through this all the time. She'll be fine with sleep.

She might take time to settle and it can be awful tbh but you need to be a bit tougher about it, you being upset and emotional won't help her. It will only make her think something is wrong.

Two weeks for settling isn't that long - how flexible is your employer? You might find that pushing your start date back a bit is better, or going back part time for a month or two.

Overall - it will be fine. Nurseries know what they're doing.

[Merrow]

I agree, nurseries achieve miracles with sleep!

Prepare yourself for drop off - they can be really upsetting. I think actually COVID helped us in that regard, DS1 was absolutely fine about being left at the door and us not coming in, but once restrictions were lifted and we dropped off in the room he got incredibly clingy. I think because he realised we weren't somehow magically prevented from entering the building! Luckily by that point it had been months and I knew he always had a great time, but I would have found it incredibly difficult if it had happened at the start. I agree you just have to be calm and matter of fact about rather than show any hesitation or upset, and if there's a drop at the door offer I'd take it.

[Ilikepinacoladass]

Could you look into a childminder maybe? Especially as it's going to be full time it might be a more comfortable option for both of you. Mine has been with one since 14 months (he's now 3) and I've never had any tears at drop off, apart from one time because he dropped all his raisins just before going in (so not really related to me leaving him!).

[Whyisitsosohard]

I worried heaps but my 10 month old adjusted so fast. She went 2 days a week and everyone said it would be hard if she wasn't going every day and getting used to it but honestly she didn't fuss at all. I knew the teachers really cared about her; they sent tonnes of pics every day and she went happily to her favourites. Weirdly she didn't get separation anxiety till she was 2 and I was heavily pregnant.

[AluckyEllie]

My advice would be - prepare for the sickness! We started nursery 3 weeks before I went back and it was needed because she was unwell for a fortnight at least. There’s so many bugs they spend the first month building immunity 😂

[NerrSnerr]

I sent two children to nursery who fed to sleep and were held for most of their naps. My eldest didn't like sleeping at the 'set' times but would take herself off to the 'cosy corner' and have a sleep when she felt like it. My youngest slept when he was supposed to with no issues

[Danani]

Ahhh! Thanks all, you have no idea how much these sort of posts and sharing your own experiences helps! It really does make me feel better!

@AuntieJune it would be more like 3 weeks of settling tbh. My employer is very flexible and I WFH, but I just hope we can dive right into it without the need to drag thus out…Our nursery recommends at least three days a week, so we committed to 5, with the understanding we may not end up sending her for 5 every single week (obvs we lose out money-wise) and that’s ok. I just look forward to us all finding our groove with work and nursery and getting into the swing if things.

i agree with all the comments that I need to be positive and firm about this, i just need to hype myself up somehow so that I really feel this way and if I don’t, I can fake it well enough in front if her, so she doesn’t pick up on my feelings and freak out more.

[Aozora13]

I have 3 DC and was a gibbering wreck putting on each one into nursery, even though I knew they would be fine! I still get pangs at drop off. Our nursery is lovely, it’s a real community and my eldest DD (6) is still friends with her little nursery pals. They managed to get them all to nap really nicely and even though all of mine were breastfed bottle refusers at home, the staff have met so many babies, toddlers and preschoolers they know every trick in the book! But, like I say, even knowing all of this I still found it hard to send them in - although it’s nice to get a break too!

[Tryingtryingandtrying]

I would see if there's any other way. Nursery settling was OK, better than I thought. But if I had my time again no way would I send them. Everyone I know who didn't return to work ft found alternatives and I can not see any benefit for me having returned to work ft now kids are older etc.

[Bunny2021]

The first few drop offs will be awful. My DS had to be prized off me, crying etc. He now runs into nursery. He loves it so much that sometimes when we collect him, he just wants to keep playing.

They all nap in one room - it’s complete magic how they do it! He eats really well at nursery (way more variety and amounts than he does at home).

Honestly, nursery has been so amazing for us. It’s done wonders for his sociability (he’s quite a cautious boy), his vocabulary is coming along and genuinely he’s so happy there.

For reference, he does 07:30-17:30, so long days but he’s totally fine and really enjoys it.

[Danani]

@Bunny2021 aww that’s so helpful, thank you! How old was your little one when he started? And did you start with full time / 5 days? I’ve heared some criticisms about our approach and I’m starting to doubt myself. I just thought we do settling for 3 weeks together, then she’s off 5 days for full - ish days. In my mind, this should be less confusing rather than starting with 1 or 2 days or half days and then gradually building up. Also I don’t have the luxury of doing that, as don’t want to go part time at work.

[Bunny2021]

@Danani He was 11.5 months when we started settling sessions (think we had 3 or 4 over 3 weeks), then went straight in for 4 days a week (I cut down to 4 days from 5 work). Honestly I would just go straight in to full time, they’re so adaptable at that age.

The nursery were really good about saying we could phone to check in if we wanted.

I know nurseries - particularly long days get a lot of criticism on here - but for us it’s been the best thing for our son. I wasn’t prepared (and couldn’t afford anyway) to give up working and he’s getting so much more development from his time there than he would with me. I don’t regret our decision in the slightest.

[Danani]

@Bunny2021 massively massively encouraging and reassuring! Thank you! Our nursery has an app ( i think that’s pretty standard?) where they upload photos from the day along with info on how the day’s going. I would feel much more reassured if I could call in though, especially if she screams and cries at drop off. I’ll ask them about that.

[zeddybrek]

DS was the ultimate Velcro baby and I had 14 months of mat leave so I understand when you say you're nervous. The first few weeks were difficult. A lot of tears and home bed time and dinner routine was off. But one day you drop them off and no tears and then smile and wave goodbye and it's all fine! I also found mine ate less at nursery so had to have a big breakfast and proper big tea at home. That said, another child the same age being settled same time as my DS, well he didn't cry. Not once. Day one he just waved and his mum couldn't even believe it. So don't worry and go with the flow. Reassess at week 3 or 4 and no sooner.

[AuntieJune]

I think sometimes you can kind of project your feelings onto them and think your child will find it very difficult and cry and miss you when you mean you'll find it difficult and cry and miss them! And you might secretly want them to only want to be with you :)

I found I enjoyed being with DC more when I wasn't with them 24/7, it gives you a different perspective. It's just a bit of adjustment to begin with.

[AuntieJune]

If they really cry inconsolably then nursery will probably ring you as they have limited staff ratio and that takes up one person!

I spent a lot of time at nursery resettling my DC after he was seriously ill so I got to see what goes on - even the kids who are a bit whimpery are usually happy enough if they sit on someone's lap or hold their hand etc.

[Yummymummy2020]

I worked in a nursery for years, 99.9% of the time if a child cried being dropped off, they were happy as Larry once the parents were out of Sight as nurseries are so full of excitement and wonder they realise they want to be there once you are gone😂 please try not to worry too much, I’m sure your little one will settle in just fine. All the fun and other kids mean they get really tired and nap easier than at home a lot of the time. We used to get one or two a year that were not good nappers at the beginning but once they were in a routine napped like magic!

[SouthLondonMum22]

Mine started full time at 3 months so not exactly the same because he was less aware which made it easier in some ways, I think. I work from home the majority of the time so his hours are technically 7-6 but on quieter days when I'm home, I can pop in and get him early no problem.

He's 5 months now and has settled really well, no tears but is all smiles for his keyworker at drop off and all smiles again when I pick him up. The app is really great, I love hearing what he gets up to and the pictures and videos always make my day.

It does make you nervous but it does become your new norm and you'll adjust.

Nothing at all to feel guilty about.

[Kit87]

My little one just started settle in sessions and I had thought he would find it much harder!
Like you it’s just us and his dad, no family nearby. Me and him together 24/7 even at groups etc he seemed to have separation anxiety etc.
however he has settled in just fine! Totally surprised me :)
he loves nursery :)

[TipsySquirrel]

My DD started nursery at 9 months. We never had any tears, she was happy going in straight away. I don’t even get a ‘bye’ at drop off now and if I ask if she wants to go to nursery she says the name of her keyworker and finds her shoes. She’s in 8-6 4 days a week.

She sleeps less at nursery because there’s just so much going on but she has always slept. They’ll put her in the pram if they need to but they have rooms with white noise. As she has such little sleep at nursery, bedtimes are sometimes quite early but the time we have with her at home she’s quite cuddly. Sometimes at weekends we do quieter activities - drawing, reading rather than constantly going to classes and activities. I’m sure that’ll come back as she gets a bit older and doesn’t need as much sleep.

Nursery has been great for her. She’s picked up some words we hadn’t introduced her to. She’s learnt actions to nursery rhymes which I didn’t know. It’s pretty cool to see her learning and what she’s picking up. The menu at nursery is so varied too and she eats well at nursery. They seem to absolutely love my DD and love telling us all her stories. I’m a much better mum for working but seeing how much she learns and loves it, I know I’ve made the best choice for us.

[Pac35]

Gosh I think I wrote this exact post when my son was 11 months old. I was so worried about him feeling abandoned, he was breastfed and held for naps. My husband and I both work full time and he goes 4 full days a week.

The first few drop offs were hard BUT he has the best time. He's now 13 months & crawls into nursery desperate to play. He never cries and he just GOES TO SLEEP
ON A FLOOR MAT- I'm sorry but how do they do it?! I'm so pleased he's enjoying it, it makes work so much easier!

[tiaandduck]

My ten month old has recently started

Pros

Staff are lovely and kind
They have managed to some how settle my dd to sleep even though she's a nightmare with naps and sleep
Plenty stimulation, good healthy food, clean nappies regularly

Cons
The fucking bugs. She's had covid, conjunctivitis, ear infections and another cold in the space of a month

It took dd a month to settle but then she felt ill half the time so not the best time to settle


But now she smiles and laughs at the staff when she sees them in the morning, she's playing, eating and sleeping and seems to be enjoying herself. She still cry's when I pick her up as if to say you left me!!! And she cry's on drop off sometimes but that's totally normal

[Farmerking]

It’ll be harder for you than here. Been there. And had to do the full time running for trains late fees. You name it. Everytime I saw them at the gate they were so happy and clearly thriving. Now my babies are late teens and I miss that time so much.

[Whyisitsosohard]

Agree with others. The worst part by far was the sickness. Took a year for ours to stop being sent home at least once a fortnight, usually weekly. Was a nightmare for my husband and I and I think they were far too keen to claim they were ill (or not themselves) when realistically it was a runny nose but there's nothing you can do.