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Feeling awful

63 replies

Humv · 01/02/2018 11:44

We had an introduction at nursery yesterday- I stayed with my DS who is nearly 9 months and he was fine, playing etc. Today I was supposed to take him and leave him for an hour and work up to a full day tomorrow. As soon as we got there, he was inconsolable, wailing, splotchy from crying so much and it took half an hour of me not bearing to leave him before they told me I had to go and give him chance to settle.

Please tell me it gets easier! Currently sat in the car counting down the minutes until 12 when I can go get him. Did anyone else find it this hard? Did it get easier? I’m so worried.

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Adviceplease360 · 08/02/2018 15:01

I think it's very fundamental in babies development and research and parents are testament to that!

Then why does it bother you if I say nurseries don't benefit kids until three? If you already know its the best thing, my comment shouldn't make any difference.

As always, attack anybody who makes a different parenting decision because you don't have the confidence in your own choices.

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help1978 · 08/02/2018 16:46

Crikey you seem very angry!

It doesn't bother me in the slightest what your opinion is but it does bother me that you're just making random statements up as we go along!


It's ok to disagree with someone . We all parent differently (thankfully) x

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buckyou · 08/02/2018 19:42

I think it really depends on the child TBH. DS is not 1 yet and he’s been going up nursery a few months now (2 full days) He loves it and has had no problems settling in.

DD on the other hand went to to one nursery from around 10 months for a year and never properly settled. She’s 2.8 now, at a different nursery and now she enjoys it but it’s been a long road!!

I think you’ve done the right thing.

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Humv · 08/02/2018 21:40

Thank you buckyou, I definitely agree that it depends on the child. I can definitely imagine my brothers daughter would love nursery and interacting with other babies but my son just doesn’t- nothing wrong with it just different kids!

If you don’t mind me asking, how did you come to the decision to try a different nursery?

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buckyou · 08/02/2018 22:06

I had concerns about the staff turnover at the old one and never knew who her key worker was meant to be, they just didn’t seem to ‘get her’. One day I dropped her off and it was two girls I’d never even seen before! It really put me off and I never took her back again even though I had to pay a months notice in fees.

Her new nursery is much much better, her key worker is lovely and is professional / knowledgable where we at the old nursery they just seemed to be random 18 year olds! There are still a lot o different staff and it’s a bit manic sometimes but it’s a happy atmosphere.

I’m SO glad I changed. We did look around nursery #2 at first but were won over by nursery #1’s better facilities, fancier garden / toys etc. What I’ve learned is that kids don’t give a shit about that stuff, it’s all about the people who work there that make the nursery a nice and caring environment.

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Humv · 09/02/2018 07:41

Ah, I’m so glad she’s happier now. We looked at 2 nurseries, the first one because DH’s cousin is in charge there so we knew she’d be able to keep an eye on him, but it seemed.. shabby, for want of a better word. The second nursery, the one we ended up picking was just aesthetically nicer all round, but now I’m wondering whether we decided for the wrong reasons. I think when the time comes for DS to go, I’ll do what you did and maybe try a couple first.

Well done for being on the ball, I think I would’ve just thought it was a settling in period and not had the sense of mind to try a different nursery!

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buckyou · 09/02/2018 10:14

Well it did thanks me a year! Don’t get me wrong she didn’t settle immediately at the new nursery and it was a bit of a step back initially but she likes it now so that’s the main thing.

I suppose you make the assumption that the nicer looking ones will have better staff etc. But it’s not always the case.

Good luck with your little one! It’s hard at first but I actually quite like working (part time). It is nice to have baby free time and we plan our days together a bit more productively now there aren’t so many of them!

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buckyou · 09/02/2018 10:14

*Take me a year!

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TooManyUserNames · 09/02/2018 14:44

Research shows that childcare such as nurseries isn't as good as one on one care for children under 3. So if you have the choice of grandparent care why not try it out for 6 months? You can always do nursery later on if it doesn't work out. Or investigate a childminder where the child/ carer ratios maybe lower.

And before I am jumped on, I have used nurseries and childminders for all of mine because I don't have a choice. But if I had the choice I would have used parents or nanny until they were maybe 2 or 3.

Save you a fortune too!

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Humv · 09/02/2018 15:10

toomanyusernames I have to admit, the money saved would be a huge help. I’ve defjnitely made my decision, going to let grandparents have him and see how they and he get on. The nursery were more than fine about it, they said it happens quite often and he’s welcome whenever we think he’s ready which is really nice of them

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checkingforballoons · 11/02/2018 21:54

OP I just wanted to chip in. My LO is an only child. We didn't try nursery but I did try crèche a couple of times when he was around one. He was totally inconsolable and I felt awful. We don't have anyone on hand to look after him so I was worried about how difficult it might eventually be for him to be left (thinking about school etc).
Fast forward a year and we decided to try pre-school. I felt physically sick leaving him for the hour long settling in session and expected a rough road ahead to get him settled.
I had to try and bribe him out with chocolate buttons. He loved it. When he left there for a five morning a week nursery he loved that too. We've had zero settling in issues. I have to chase after him to thrust his water bottle into his hand and kiss the top of his head.
So please, please don't worry that your little one will struggle later on. It sounds like you're doing the right thing for now!

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Humv · 12/02/2018 09:08

Thank you checkingforballoons, that’s so reassuring.. I’m hoping time will help with helping him come out of his shell a little and I’m glad your little one loves it now! It must be so nice knowing he’s safe and happy all day and hearing all the lovely things he does when he comes home Smile

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checkingforballoons · 12/02/2018 12:51

I just wanted to say something because people always seem so quick to share parenting horror stories but not the reassuring ones!
Your little one will get there in his own time I'm sure. And yes, it's really lovely! He just does mornings at the mo, nothing beats that post nursery hug and chatter on the way home 🙂

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