Feeling awful

[Humv]

We had an introduction at nursery yesterday- I stayed with my DS who is nearly 9 months and he was fine, playing etc. Today I was supposed to take him and leave him for an hour and work up to a full day tomorrow. As soon as we got there, he was inconsolable, wailing, splotchy from crying so much and it took half an hour of me not bearing to leave him before they told me I had to go and give him chance to settle.

Please tell me it gets easier! Currently sat in the car counting down the minutes until 12 when I can go get him. Did anyone else find it this hard? Did it get easier? I’m so worried.

[checkingforballoons]

I just wanted to say something because people always seem so quick to share parenting horror stories but not the reassuring ones!
Your little one will get there in his own time I'm sure. And yes, it's really lovely! He just does mornings at the mo, nothing beats that post nursery hug and chatter on the way home 🙂

[Humv]

Thank you checkingforballoons, that’s so reassuring.. I’m hoping time will help with helping him come out of his shell a little and I’m glad your little one loves it now! It must be so nice knowing he’s safe and happy all day and hearing all the lovely things he does when he comes home

[checkingforballoons]

OP I just wanted to chip in. My LO is an only child. We didn't try nursery but I did try crèche a couple of times when he was around one. He was totally inconsolable and I felt awful. We don't have anyone on hand to look after him so I was worried about how difficult it might eventually be for him to be left (thinking about school etc).
Fast forward a year and we decided to try pre-school. I felt physically sick leaving him for the hour long settling in session and expected a rough road ahead to get him settled.
I had to try and bribe him out with chocolate buttons. He loved it. When he left there for a five morning a week nursery he loved that too. We've had zero settling in issues. I have to chase after him to thrust his water bottle into his hand and kiss the top of his head.
So please, please don't worry that your little one will struggle later on. It sounds like you're doing the right thing for now!

[Humv]

toomanyusernames I have to admit, the money saved would be a huge help. I’ve defjnitely made my decision, going to let grandparents have him and see how they and he get on. The nursery were more than fine about it, they said it happens quite often and he’s welcome whenever we think he’s ready which is really nice of them

[TooManyUserNames]

Research shows that childcare such as nurseries isn't as good as one on one care for children under 3. So if you have the choice of grandparent care why not try it out for 6 months? You can always do nursery later on if it doesn't work out. Or investigate a childminder where the child/ carer ratios maybe lower.

And before I am jumped on, I have used nurseries and childminders for all of mine because I don't have a choice. But if I had the choice I would have used parents or nanny until they were maybe 2 or 3.

Save you a fortune too!

[buckyou]

*Take me a year!

[buckyou]

Well it did thanks me a year! Don’t get me wrong she didn’t settle immediately at the new nursery and it was a bit of a step back initially but she likes it now so that’s the main thing.

I suppose you make the assumption that the nicer looking ones will have better staff etc. But it’s not always the case.

Good luck with your little one! It’s hard at first but I actually quite like working (part time). It is nice to have baby free time and we plan our days together a bit more productively now there aren’t so many of them!

[Humv]

Ah, I’m so glad she’s happier now. We looked at 2 nurseries, the first one because DH’s cousin is in charge there so we knew she’d be able to keep an eye on him, but it seemed.. shabby, for want of a better word. The second nursery, the one we ended up picking was just aesthetically nicer all round, but now I’m wondering whether we decided for the wrong reasons. I think when the time comes for DS to go, I’ll do what you did and maybe try a couple first.

Well done for being on the ball, I think I would’ve just thought it was a settling in period and not had the sense of mind to try a different nursery!

[buckyou]

I had concerns about the staff turnover at the old one and never knew who her key worker was meant to be, they just didn’t seem to ‘get her’. One day I dropped her off and it was two girls I’d never even seen before! It really put me off and I never took her back again even though I had to pay a months notice in fees.

Her new nursery is much much better, her key worker is lovely and is professional / knowledgable where we at the old nursery they just seemed to be random 18 year olds! There are still a lot o different staff and it’s a bit manic sometimes but it’s a happy atmosphere.

I’m SO glad I changed. We did look around nursery #2 at first but were won over by nursery #1’s better facilities, fancier garden / toys etc. What I’ve learned is that kids don’t give a shit about that stuff, it’s all about the people who work there that make the nursery a nice and caring environment.

[Humv]

Thank you buckyou, I definitely agree that it depends on the child. I can definitely imagine my brothers daughter would love nursery and interacting with other babies but my son just doesn’t- nothing wrong with it just different kids!

If you don’t mind me asking, how did you come to the decision to try a different nursery?

[buckyou]

I think it really depends on the child TBH. DS is not 1 yet and he’s been going up nursery a few months now (2 full days) He loves it and has had no problems settling in.

DD on the other hand went to to one nursery from around 10 months for a year and never properly settled. She’s 2.8 now, at a different nursery and now she enjoys it but it’s been a long road!!

I think you’ve done the right thing.

[help1978]

Crikey you seem very angry!

It doesn't bother me in the slightest what your opinion is but it does bother me that you're just making random statements up as we go along!


It's ok to disagree with someone . We all parent differently (thankfully) x

[Adviceplease360]

I think it's very fundamental in babies development and research and parents are testament to that!

Then why does it bother you if I say nurseries don't benefit kids until three? If you already know its the best thing, my comment shouldn't make any difference.

As always, attack anybody who makes a different parenting decision because you don't have the confidence in your own choices.

[hotcrossbuns765]

Today was the first time my son didn't cry when I passed him over. The relief was amazing. They do get here eventually x

[Humv]

I think different research will show different things help1978 and we all just do the best we can. Some research will say being with parents for as long as possible is important, some will say interacting with other babies at a young age is important, but at the end of the day most people making that decision don’t have a choice so just do whatever they can. No one is saying one is better than the other, it’s what works for people individually.

[help1978]

I think it's very fundamental in babies development and research and parents are testament to that!

[Humv]

help1978 I don’t think adviceplease said that, she said most benefit.. and I’m guessing she meant because babies don’t technically learn to play with other babies or anything until a certain age, so in that respect, if you have the choice, it’s not fundamental to a child’s development.

[help1978]

*before 3

[help1978]

Adviceplease are you saying that kids that go to Nursery don't get any benefits?!

[Adviceplease360]

You definitely made the right choice, grandparents are a much better option than a nursery.
Send him closer to three, that is when nurseries have the most benefit.

[Humv]

mrsbears that makes me anxious too, that if anything were wrong he wouldn’t be able to tell me. It is funny how different kids are!

fabulous01 luckily my in laws will follow what we ask to the letter- if not, my DH will always have a little word with them. I agree with you that it wouldn’t always work though- my in laws last year have booked a few days away this year which coincide with when they’d have my DS so my parents are stepping in for those days and I have a feeling there will be a lot of disagreements in that respect. We have very different parenting methods and ideas of what to do. Luckily my in laws have been having my DS for a day or so a week for the last couple of months so he can get used to spending more time there and they’re very respectful of any rules we have for him.

tinseltower yes, they mentioned that it would take him a month or so to settle in if he’s only going one day a week, but I had my doubts and secretly thought it would take a fair bit longer. I don’t think I can justify the cost of more than one day a week if it came down to it, as we have grandparents support so it seems like an unnecessary use of money. If they weren’t available it would obviously be a different story.

obijuankenobi thank you for the reassurance. I think when he does go, I’ll feel better if he CAN run in and can show enthusiasm at wanting to go as opposed to now when he’s so young and I’m worrying that he doesn’t even want to be there. It’s lovely that your twins love it now and it must be nice that they have each other too

[ObiJuanKenobi]

Aww we had this with the twins and the first 3/4 weeks I left them there I cried like a baby in the car for a good half hour.
It gets better I promise. We are 4 months in now and they run off as soon as they open the door to them and go straight for the toys and their little friends!

[Tinseltower]

I used to work in a nursery and I think if you have grandparents on offer it is the best option. They can always do toddler groups etc to get him used to playing with other children. Also at that age, one day is not enough to settle properly. He will likely be anxious there for a long time. Our nursery had a minimum of 2 days for under 18 months, and even then they struggled more than the 4-5 day children.

[fabulous01]

In terms of grand parents ... just think about what they will do with him. I have seen some where it worked well and others it hasn’t. Do they respect your views on up bringing

We didn’t have the option of grand parents as they live too far away but they also disageeed with me in too many things that it wouldn’t have been an option even if they were on the door step

[fabulous01]

I would love to say it gets easier
... some days are good, some not so good

Mine went from 9 months and my advice is go in, say you love them, you will see them later, turn and go....

Even if they are sobbing, screaming or running around happy

On the bad days I do have a nosey from the door or on security cameras and they are ok but it isn’t easy

But some do settle really well and never have those bad days.

Good luck. In my view it just gets different, never really easy as even on good day the guilt of having to work is also hard