Helping your child with exam preparation? Join our webchat with author and journalist Matthew Syed, Wednesday 13 April, 1-2pm

[RachelMumsnet]

It’s the first day of the final school term and for many this means serious revision ahead of the summer exams. We’ve invited author and journalist Matthew Syed to join us on Wednesday 13 April at 1pm to help you assist your children in their exam preparation. Join him on Wednesday between 1 and 2pm or post your question in advance here.

Matthew’s latest book Black Box Thinking: Marginal Gains and the Secrets of High Performance explains how to turn failure into success and through fascinating case studies shows how black box thinkers have faced up to their mistakes and used them as part oftheir future strategy for success. Their lessons can be applied across every field – from sport to education, from business to health. Matthew will be on hand to answer your questions and offer advice on how to help your child - and you - face challenges both in education and in life generally.

Matthew Syed is a columnist for The Times, and the author of two acclaimed books on the science of high performance. Before becoming a writer, Matthew was the England table tennis number one for almost a decade, three-times Commonwealth Champion, and twice competed for Great Britain in the Olympic Games.

[MatthewSyed]

@catslife

I have no idea who Mathew Syed is.... but what I want to know is what counts as success in regards to exams.
What's portrayed in the press is that GCSEs are easy and that anything less than As and A*s isn't seen as successful. So how do you measure success for an average child who is more likely to obtain Bs and Cs and whose friends will obtain higher grades?

I like to think about success as a journey towards one's potential. Target grades should never limit a young person's ambition; they should be "stretch targets", but one should always emphasise that they will only be met through courage and commitment. It should also be emphasized that they can be exceeded! Does that make sense?

[TheCountessofFitzdotterel]

No questions, just wanted to say that I very much enjoyed Bounce!

[MatthewSyed]

@forkhandles4candles

How to motivate the child who knows she lags behind her peers?

Great question, thanks!! Remind them that success is a marathon, not a sprint. That Beckham, Dyson, and Ennis started off not terribly good, but through application and passion for what they were doing, eventually reached the top. Most of all, get them to fall in love with the journey of discovery at school, remind them of just hwo much they have learned, how far they have travelled since last year. that should get them to be most positive, and to tackle their work with relish, even if they are not currently at the top of the class

[MatthewSyed]

@guerre

catslife- he wrote 'Bounce' which is about how practice pays off, and a growth mindset, how people shouldn't be limited by what they perceive as their natural abilities, but rather that continuously doing something over and over again enables you to excel at it. Like praising children's efforts, not their achievements, IYSWIM. Great book.

I think failure is hugely important, that we cannot learn unless we fail. I have taught my DC this, and it's been successful in their progress in chess and maths in particular. I think that something that was personally very difficult for me as a young adult was dealing with failure, as it was something that had I never had to deal with as a child. It's a very hard thing to learn to do as a adult, with your mindset and opinions already formed.

Fantastic post, thanks!!

[RachelMumsnet]

Just before the webchat I was asking Matthew about how we can help our children succeed in maths and thought I'd put this up online. My daughter (16) has struggled with maths throughout school. I think part of the problem was that she felt from a v early age that she was 'no good at maths' and gave up. It's only since starting her GCSEs that she's worked incredibly hard and stands to get a good grade and realises she can do it. I just wish she'd come to this conclusion earlier. How can we help children succeed who feel they will never 'get' maths?

[MatthewSyed]

@CaptainNelson

My question would be on motivating a child to revise who has always had it easy in terms of achieving high grades and doesn't want to admit/accept that this almost certainly won't always be the case. Only at GCSE level now, but I'd like him to set up sensible habits sooner rather than later, having seen other similar children slide a long way in 6th form.

Crucial question!!! Many successful students, who have always effortlessly cruised through school, are the most vulnerable when they hit university (or the world of work) and are confronted by challenges with which they struggle, as well as the ambiguity of the business world, where there are no "right and wrong" answers.

My book deals with this at length. But, basically, it is vital to redefine how they see challenge, struggle and failure. instead of interpreting this as evidence they don't have what it takes, they should see this as a part of life and learning. That way, they will face the inevitable set-backs and challenges with relish, learning from them, and grow.

It is difficult to exaggerate how such a redefinition equips young people with the willingness to take sensible risks, to remain resilient and to have true self-confidence (not the fragile self-confidence that is so easily shattered by the slightest criticism or disappointment)

[MatthewSyed]

@PirateSmile

I enjoyed reading Bounce but my God, all those dads who've been told their dc has to practice their chosen sport the sport the dad played as a kid and never made it as a professional for 10,000 hours are sucking the joy out of their dc's lives.

-And everybody elses'-

My question is,

Is children's sport too serious too young?

My experience is that nowadays, children who are perceived to have not made the grade at 11,12,13 are considered to be wasting their time. Fewer children seem to play sport for sport's sake. If I had the opportunity I would start a campaign to address this, similar to the 'this girl can' campaign. I'd be interested in your thoughts.

Quite agree! Sport should be fun, liberating, joyful. Practice can of coruse be demanding, but isn't that fun, when you know it is paying dividends?

Coaches and dads should see sport in this way, because the best way to clock up 10,000 hours of practice is if the child really wants to (not because they are being pressured to)

[MatthewSyed]

@MrsOriginalBear

My question is how to motivate my DS who finished his mock GCSEs at the end of Feb/beginning of March (so pretty late) and did pretty well? My concern is that he may be feeling a bit complacent, but I'm wondering if this is a bit of revision fatigue too? Any ideas about how to find a balance between a little (benign) pressure from his parents and trusting that he will/is putting in the necessary preparation (as he says he is)? He is constantly being made aware that for his cohort there will be no AS levels next year, so his GCSE results will be all universities have to go on.

I think you have got this right. Make the pressure "benign", so it doesn't feel too intrusive. A gentle, smart nudge. But always a difficult balance!

[MatthewSyed]

@neolara

I loved Bounce. Fantastic book.

Thank you!!

[MatthewSyed]

@JugglingFromHereToThere

Sounds like we're in a similar kind of place Swan only here I'd say DD is more worried than I am. But in same boat regarding upcoming AS exams, good GCSE results and rather disastrous mocks. But they're just fancy practice papers right?!
Liking the advice about talking about future possibilities in a positive way Matthew.
Both my DD and younger DS are beginning to have some exciting ideas of what they'd like to do next ....

Thanks. Agreed!

[PirateSmile]

Thank you for your reply Matthew.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

I agree Pirate that sport should be more about fitness and well-being for all.

I don't think it should be so competitive either as that way many tend to drop out from active lifestyles

With the whole thing of success generally I feel it should be much more about enabling people to reach their potential especially in terms of achieving ad experiencing those things that they most want do

I also think there's a balance to be struck between pushing ever onwards (for ourselves and our DC) and enjoying the moment, appreciating what we have, and being thankful/grateful for those things

[neolara]

Do you have any views about how schools can support children to become more resilient? And how parents can support children who find everything easy and therefore have limited experience of failure? At some point they are going to struggle and I worry that if they haven't had experience of failure, they are not going to know how to best cope.

[zig]

Finding this so interesting. I'm currently Carol Dweck's 'Mindset' as DS1's secondary school believe in it. I'll follow with Bounce I think! DS1 entered secondary school hating school after the pressure his primary school put on them about SATs and worrying intensely about any test, any piece of homework, resenting any teacher offering help and believing he was useless at French because it was new to him. I can see how he had developed a fixed mindset - maybe triggered by features of dyslexia which has affected his learning at school, as well as being surrounded by a high achieving and competitive group of friends and a high achieving younger sibling. Matthew, this is really helpful in helping me to use the right language to change his mindset, help him achieve his individual targets and reduce the tantrums and unhappiness at home.

[MatthewSyed]

@gleegeek

Loads of really pertinent questions here! Really looking forward to the Web chat - have an anxious but able dd (12) who works really hard all year but tends to panic in tests. Would like to set her up for success for gcse rather than panic when it's too late to do anything about it
Also looking forward to an answer to PirateSmile's question!

Great question!! A number of things to do, here.

1. Get her to be familiar with past papers. She should look through them, get a sense of the questions, and she will begin to see what the examiners are looking for. When she eventually sits in the exam, the paper will not feel so intimidating.
   
2. Show her the Chief Examiners report from last year
   
3. Do practice essays under exam conditions. Honestly, once you have done a few, and are used to being timed, the panic will abate.
   
4. Ask someone to mark the practice exams (teacher, tutor) so she has really good feedback
   
5. Might be worth taking ear plugs into the exam (to overcome the clomping of the invigilators heels!) and water (amazing how often children become parched durin ga long exam. Terrible for concentration!!!)
   

All of these things are marginal gains!

[guerre]

Thank you, Matthew!
I think Bounce had a big effect on my parenting, so thank you. DH is someone that has had to work really very hard throughout his schooling, and I am someone to whom it all came very easily, though I had an excellent work ethic when it became time for paid work!. It was a huge

[MatthewSyed]

@Arsenicinthesugarbowl

I'd like to know how to help my DD who is 16 and about to take GCSEs manage the pressure of revision while still taking breaks etc. She sits for hours revising and I'm sure that her brain needs some down time. However she worries she will fail otherwise. She tends to get quite anxious about exams anyway so would be grateful for advice on how best to support her!

Great question. Perhaps tell her that many of the greatest ideas emerge during breaks. In fact, there are dozens of research papers on this. It is when we switch off, go for a walk in the fresh air, take a shower, see a bit of nature, that we mentally metabolise the information we have learned, and develop fresh insights. A few short breaks during the day are restorative, and boost memory and creativity!

[guerre]

Erk- it was a huge difficulty for me to teach my children how to work, so that they could make the best of their opportunities. For DH it came more naturally.
It's a very modern thing to constantly praise our little darlings, but thankfully we had made a conscious effort to praise/reward effort, not outcomes. When you are/have extremely able Children, it's hard to get out of the mindset, but it is paying dividends now they're older.
My DD comes home from school, and gets out her books to complete homework without me ever needing to ask, let alone cajole.
She has learnt for herself what hard work can help you achieve, she has seen how practising can improve your skills immensely (v musical). DS is getting there...

[MatthewSyed]

@decisionsdecisions123

What to do about the child who seems to put very little effort into study but is apparently capable of achieving decent grades but will resist any form of parental involvement in revision.

Also, what's this about anything less than an A grade not being worthy??

This is really important! Those who succeed effortlessly are the most vulnerable to challenge and failure. There are dozens of kids who go to university, whose esteem is bound up in their constant success at school, who are deeply threatened when they are no longer the best in the class, and where they suddenly find the work more demanding. And they often fall apart.

Always worth emphasizing that when you are being stretched, and therefore learning most effectively, you often hit difficulties and mistakes. That might inspire them to take on challenges that really stretch them (as at the moment, they are just sailing through!). The most important thing is not how we deal with success, but how we deal with failure, if that makes sense...

[MatthewSyed]

@neolara

Do you have any views about how schools can support children to become more resilient? And how parents can support children who find everything easy and therefore have limited experience of failure? At some point they are going to struggle and I worry that if they haven't had experience of failure, they are not going to know how to best cope.

i like the idea of having a failure week at school; where people talk about when they have failed, what they learned, and how they adapted. This helps children to see failure as part of life and that the most important thing is not to always be succesful (impossible) but to be able to take the risks and face the challenges that help us to grow. James Dyson went through 5,126 failed prototypes before coming up with the design that changed the world. This is ALWAYS how creative change happens. Those who remain in their comfort zone, always succeeding in a very limit sense, are clinging to non-growth!

[HarrietMWelsch]

I really enjoyed Bounce, and hopefully now Black Box Thinking. My question is a personal one and not so much about exams but about tennis: why do people I play against (not my daughter though) always call my balls out when they are clearly in?!

(Perhaps this could be applied to exams and competition too!)

[AddToBasket]

Hi Matthew, is it OK to ask about the receiving feedback thing? How to help prepare children for receiving feedback/results regardless of how well or badly they've done. Especially when they might be hugely disappointed (missed uni places, etc) Thanks.

[zig]

On the subject of learning from mistakes and failures, DS2 (year 5) has a teacher who models 'failure' in maths lessons - she shows the kids how something can go wrong and encourages them to pick up 'mistakes' she has made so they see a) that even she gets things wrong and that b)by understanding where it can go wrong, you learn how to better understand the process and are more likely to get it right. DS2 is high achieving and hated showing any weakness, so tends to try to avoid things if he doesn't think he'll be brilliant at them. She's shown him that making mistakes helps you learn. I love her!

[MatthewSyed]

@Thistle72

My ds is sitting his exams next month. He was diagnosed with moderate dyslexia in December last year. I feel overwhelmed now by the amount of work he must do. The school had him down as disruptive which had actually been down to his undiagnosed dyslexia. He is relieved now that he is not "thick" as he thought, but I feel that I must do everything possible to make sure he passes. He attends revision at school and we are doing 2 hours a night. Focusing on his English. Could you advise me how to help him best and how to curtail my escalating anxiety over it all. Many thanks.

Please don't be anxious! It sounds as if he is working brilliantly, and has benefited hugely from the removal of the deeply pejorative label "thick". Always emphasise how much he is growing, and get him to reflect on how much more knowledge he has now than this time last month. And to be curious about the knowledge still to come. Thanks!

[neolara]

Love the idea of failure week. Will mention it to the head.....

Thank you for your comments.