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This forum is the home of Mumsnet classic threads.

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This forum is the home of Mumsnet classic threads.

Mumsnet classics

What should I do about husband's demands?

64 replies

paulaL · 03/05/2002 13:03

Hi, this is my first posting on mumsnet, although I'm a regular visitor to the site. I know that you are a supportive, non-judgemental bunch, which is why I am turning to you now for advice. I have got a wonderful circle of real friends but this is not the sort of problem that I could ever discuss with them because I don't know whether they would laugh or be shocked. I know what I'm about to say probably will sound funny, but to me it is a very real problem, and one that is occupying every waking thought at the moment.
I have been married to the most wonderful, loving man for the past 10 years and we have 4 gorgeous children. Our sex life, I thought, has always been quite good, although my husband dropped a bombshell last week and told me that he finds it boring. Naturally I felt devastated, but he did reassure me that that he still is in love with me and doesn't want anyone else. He suggested that we try some experimentation, which I was reasonably happy to go along with, until he said that he wanted us to dress as animals (his suggestion was horses) I wouldn't say that I am a prude, but I felt a bit taken aback. I would feel foolish dressed as a horse and if I feel silly how can I feel in the mood for sex? At the same time, I love him and want him to be happy. What do you think I should do?

OP posts:

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LadyMaryQuiteContrary · 21/07/2013 20:34

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ThePowerof3 · 21/07/2013 20:24

Yes I can see that just couldn't resist

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LadyMaryQuiteContrary · 21/07/2013 15:25

You know this thread is now 10 years old, right?

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ThePowerof3 · 21/07/2013 15:01

Try putting yourself in the OPs (horse) shoes

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pingping · 06/11/2008 15:27

What a great thread!!!

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pingping · 06/11/2008 15:27

What a great thread!!!

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pingping · 06/11/2008 15:27

What a great thread!!!

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Caligula · 30/01/2007 14:44

Oh lord I laughed myself hoarse...

Not as good as the pirate thread though

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PersonalClown · 30/01/2007 14:38

Another classic to be relived.

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Amai · 08/11/2005 21:54

giggle giggle

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Blandmum · 22/10/2005 15:45

LMAO we wuz all taken in by a troll!

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LadySherlockofLGJ · 22/10/2005 15:44

Hi, this is my first posting on mumsnet, although I'm a regular visitor to the site. I know that you are a supportive, non-judgemental bunch.

She hasn't been back since 2002.

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noddyholder · 22/10/2005 15:41

Still found it highly entertaining read on a grim saturday afternoon

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LadySherlockofLGJ · 22/10/2005 15:37

Noddy

This thread is over three years old.

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noddyholder · 22/10/2005 15:35

You can give it a go and if you hate it don't do it again Although there must be other ways to spice things up as this conjures up images of panto costumes and shall i shan't i but thats probably just me

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Wallace · 22/10/2005 15:29

No I didn't, I just read the pirate one and followed the link to this one, and accidently posted on the wrong one

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Wallace · 22/10/2005 15:28

Just read this

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Rhubarb · 11/05/2002 22:16

Really Custard! I say giddup! Seriously though, do tell what your dh had in mind please!

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Tortington · 11/05/2002 21:54

why dont you do the graham norton thing? say your well up for horses - it really floats your boat - but only if he sticks the tail up his bottom and puts a bit in his mouth! switch it round - see how he feels, this is what i said to mine when he fancied it this way too! yes paula you are not alone! the outcome is one day a week is kinky night we take it in turns - i can always think of something more degrading if he pushes his luck!

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Rara · 10/05/2002 11:33

Just to put my two penneth in - PaulaL, you say that 1stly your dh said he found your sex life a bit of a let-down, even tho you were quite happy with it. The he introduced the idea of the horse stuff. It sounds like he's had this fantasy for quite a while, as the usual avenue for a mundane sex life would usually be the more expected experimentation, wouldn't it , like watching/reading porn together, sexy undies, different places and positions, etc. If this is the case, I'd definitely take on board what others have said about it having to be MUTUALLY agreed and enjoyable for both of you. If he's got such a set idea of what will turn him on rather than just a notion that your sex life needs "pepping up", it sounds more of an issue that needs to be dealt with by a professional of some description. You can arrange to see sex counsellors thru Relate if you want to pursue this. Don't agree to sg you're not happy with as you'll both end up unhappy in the end.

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Cazhass · 09/05/2002 23:04

PaulaL - the title on this thread made me 'look in' Thursday is my 'mumsnet night' (dh pub with friends) and I have to say I read you post and laughed so much I cried, had a bath and a glass of wine, returned and read the replies then began to take it all seriously. I can't understand why working in an erotic club would encourage 'animal' tendancies - fixing a pole to the bedrooom and encouraging you to slide and slither yes!. Anyway like many have said at least he feels he can be honest with you. Perhaps you could suggest a pig (miss piggy style: pink fluffy headband, pink undies and a few grunts and demands - (sorry!!) If you have enjoyed a perfectly happy regular sex life (with 4 children well done love) then the animal thing seems a huge jump (sorry again) But then again with Graham Norton featuring it - perhaps it is quite common (I, again have led a very sheltered life!!)-Hope I don't regret this reply in the morning....

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tigermoth · 09/05/2002 21:52

PaulaL, it's really now all up to you, isn't it? Your husband has been open with you - a very great plus, as you say. You now have the choice. As long as this is not causing hurt, and you want to try it, then, IMO it's`not degrading.

On the other hand, in your heart of hearts, if you don't want to try it but go ahead to please your husband, then it would be degrading - just as any other way of making love would be in this circumstance.

IMO it's the lack of mutual consent and respect, not the act itself, that makes it degrading or not.

It sounds like you have an honest relationship with your husband. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

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Enid · 09/05/2002 15:01

Well, good for you paulal. You go girl! But it just seemed such a specific fantasy that it didn't quite ring true. Did you watch graham norton?

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Janus · 09/05/2002 14:53

I am so surprised no-one has mentioned last night's SO GRAHAM NORTON, the whole theme was on horses and, as you expect!, it then went on to show various costumes for those people who fantacise about sleeping with horses. So, there you go, it is a real fantasy that obviously quite a few people indulge in. PaulaL, it looked quite revolting, the different costumes pretty much bordered on S&M, with harnesses, whips, etc. I would really check on how far your husband wants to go before you do agree to this.
Also, I'm sorry but your initial posting said you were 'taken aback' and would feel 'foolish' to go along with his suggestion. I don't care if people want to whip eachother senseless or whatever AS LONG AS BOTH AGREE. Don't do this to 'please him' only do it if you think you might enjoy it too. Really question your motives here, if you don't agree with it but decide to do it anyway you will feel degraded and it could be a really damaging experience. Do think hard.

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Rhubarb · 09/05/2002 14:14

Tigermoth - I appreciate that animals do what they have to do to survive. What I was getting at is that we are not like that, to ask us to behave as animals is degrading to us. Whenever anything is done with apparent disregard for others, it is described as an 'animal act'. For not all that is natural is very pleasant, after all animals also kill and eat each other.

We are the only animals to express such complex emotions and sex is one of them. I'm sorry if this sounds so conservative, but sex is supposed to be an act of love. It is a shame that so many people now take great pride in having so many partners, it's as if sex isn't special anymore. I don't know about anyone else's partner but I do know that my dh would never go to erotica clubs. If he wants to try something different that's fine. Sex can be fun too, it would be boring if we just did one position the whole time. But if he asked me to do something I did not feel uncomfortable with I would not do it, just as I would not expect him to do anything he felt uncomfortable with. It has happened actually, I said no and the subject has not been broached since. But at least he does know that he can ask me stuff like that.

At the end of the day I want my husband to make love to me, not a horse! I want him to look me in the eyes afterwards. Lots of women get upset if their husbands admit to thinking about other women when they make love, never mind horses! I doesn't matter what you do whilst having sex, so long as your partner is doing it with you and not pretending that you are not there at all. That's the bit I find so disrespectful.

But if you want to go ahead PaulaL that's fine. As someone said, it's not hurting anyone and as long as you are comfortable with the idea....