Challenging the use of homophobic language in schools: Mumsnet and Stonewall campaign

[RebeccaMumsnet]

"That's so gay." Um, actually it probably isn't.

It's also something most of us don't want to hear, and it's absolutely something young people shouldn't have to hear in the classroom.
That's why, for Anti-Bullying Week this year, we've teamed up with Stonewall on Gay. Let’s Get Over It, a campaign to provide guidance to schools, parents and young people, and to address the misuse of the word 'gay'.

Mumsnetters talked about the need for the campaign here, and you can get involved in it here.


Do share on Twitter #GetOverIt, Facebook and Google+ - the more people know about the campaign, the more we can challenge unacceptable language and change the culture of our schools. And do feel free to discuss it here too.

Tomorrow, Will Young will be coming into MNHQ for a webchat about the campaign at 12pm - watch active for the webchat thread which will be up later and post your questions to him there.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Agreed Jean.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Elskovs, please watch the webchat tomorrow and do whatever you must to overcome your homophobia. You don't know and can't control your DC's sexuality. But you should do everything in your power to ensure that your attitudes and reactions do not make your child feel lesser.

As much as we work to change society's attitudes, if a child feels their parent disapproves the damage is massive.

BTW, I think you were pretty brave to admit your homophobia here.. But now you are aware of it you should be tackling it.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

At least elskovs was being honest - that's a first step in changing our attitude to something?

[bubblesmonkey]

Outstanding post by JeanBodel Mon 18-Nov-13 20:47:09

That's exactly it.

My 7yo DD has a lesbian mother and a bisexual father, both in same sex relationships. She knows what gay is and using it to mean something is rubbish would hurt her. Sadly, she will come across ignorant people, but I find that once educated, most people understand why not to use it.

[Viviennemary]

It has become an insult. But on the other hand everyone knows that the word gay was once used quite differently. Like having a gay time at a party. And children parrot what they hear on TV. But when a child says something is gay meaning negative I don't think it has anything to do with homophobia. That's my interpretation of it. It's just another meaning applied to a world.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

They may not realize that it's homophobic, but it's our job to teach them that it is. When I was very wee my mum heard me use the word spastic as an insult. I didn't realize it was disabilist. My mum sternly told me off, explained what it meant and punished me.

She was right to do so and I never did it again. Gay is no different.

[bubblesmonkey]

It has everything to do with homophobia. Whether the specific child means it or not, they are contributing to the general idea that gay=rubbish and that it's okay to use the word gay as a put down. Whatever the word meant in the past, it quite clearly means homosexual now.
When my mum was giving my first birthday party she used a nursery rhyme with the 'n' word in it, another parent gasped and told her she couldn't say that. She didn't understand why at the time. She meant no harm by it, but it is offensive nonetheless.

[scotagm]

Many secondary schools use a Stonewall supported DVD called "FIT". Suitable for Yr 10 through to Sixth Form. It is brilliant and amongst the best PHSE resources I have ever seen. With care and humour it challenges many preconceptions and deals very well with a range of issue regarding sexuality and relationships.

I have never seen students so engrossed.

[themaltesefalcon]

No one has a fundamental human right not to be laughed at. Or belittled. But I don't think kids who use "gay" in this sense are belitting gays or being "homophobic", any more than kids of my generation who said "lame" were mocking people who had walking difficulties.

I think it's time we taught people to have a thicker skin. "Sticks and stones may break my bones" was a FAR more useful message to send to children, and far more likely to help them cope with the wider world.

But by all means, go on with your meaningless campaign. It only serves to make you feel good about yourselves. It will have naff all effect on what kids say to each other out on the sports field far out of our hearing, and that's as it should be.

[curlew]

All you people who think that "gay" meaning rubbish is a complete different meaning of the word unconnected to homophobia, could you tell me how the change on meaning occurred? What is the etymology of gay meaning useless?

[DioneTheDiabolist]

I think it's time to teach our children not to be homophobic, sexist, racist, bigoted or disabilist Falcon. But I guess I'm funny like that.

[edamsavestheday]

Picked ds (10) up from school the other day. Some little kid he didn't know came charging up to us on his scooter and said 'you're gay!'. He'd been dared by his bigger brother. Had no idea what it meant, just thought it was daring and funny.

What on earth? How ingrained is it that 'gay' is something horrible - that a six year old is using it as an insult?

FWIW ds isn't, as far as I know, but what if one of his friends is? How must a child feel, if everything they've ever heard about being gay is bad? How on earth will that little boy who scooted up to ds feel one day, if he realises he is gay himself, or his best friend, or his brother (or his sister)?

[themaltesefalcon]

Dione, I agree that you should teach your child to treat others with respect.

But all this zealous policing of the remarks of young children- and general suppression of free speech- is loathsome and dangerous.

And it's not going to work, anyway. Slang is slang. Language develops in ways that aren't governed by government policies or, gasp, Mumsnet campaigns. Not even Stalin or Hitler could stop people from developing and using their own anti-regime argot- but then, not even they wrote down the speech of kindergarteners to be kept on file as a black mark against their names forever, so maybe they had a thing or two to learn from this fine society of ours.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

There's a massive difference between censorship and teaching children to be kind Falcon.

This campaign is not to ban words or make them illegal or put people who use them into forced labour camps. This is a campaign to teach children what the word means and why it is hurtful. Fortunately children are quite open to this sort of thing. So I think it will be beneficial. Just like the racist campaigns of the past and who knows, maybe, just maybe their parents will get the message too.

[TheRealYellowWiggle]

TMF you really are talking out of your hat. Black marks for ever? Meaningless campaign? If adopted by schools, this campaign will have a large - and positive - impact on what is said in schools, and therefore make the experiences of those who are lgbt (or anyone experiencing homophobic bullying) that wee bit better.
What teachers can, quite easily, change is the view of students that saying "that's so gay" etc is an innocuous statement.

[curlew]

themaltesefalcon- so you are advocating no control at all? Nigger? Fag? Bitch? Where do you draw the line?

[themaltesefalcon]

I've been called two of those three things, curlew, and will readily concede that it is really quite unpleasant to be so addressed, but no, I don't think it should be illegal.

TheRealYellowWiggle, not talking out of my hat, alas. Are you aware that childish utterances deemed to be unacceptable are taken down and filed now - in the land of hope and glory?

[Lilka]

I'm far more interested in teaching my children the value of empathy and kindness than teaching them about their 'right to free speech'.

Not that we have a 'right to free speech' when it comes to certain hate language (which is a very good thing as far as I'm concerned, much like I have a right to swing my arm until I whack a stranger in the face with it). Actually, it really pisses me off when people whine about free speech as a justification for being hateful. The only time I'm going to talk about free speech to my children is if it comes up in the context of your right to critisise your government without being chucked into prison and tortured for it

Empathy is probably the most useful thing we can try our best to impart in our children. Then they can reason "How would I feel if I was gay and someone said 'that's so gay' to me?", "I would feel hurt", "I don't want other people to feel hurt", "so I won't say that myself". Voila. And we can help them with the firt step by explaining why saying someting is gay hurts others

The sticks and stones thing is utter bollocks. Kids committ suicide because of verbal abuse and internet message abuse. Words hurt, they can cause deep pain inside, and denying that is completely pathetic and tacitly supports bullying.

[curlew]

The other thing that puzzles me is why people fight so hard for the right to use words that upset some people. If I used a word in all innocence, and somebody told me that it was a word that the group they belonged to found it upsetting, I would say "oh, sorry" and stop using it! Particularly if it was a word with loads of synonyms. Why wouldn't you? Even if you thought the group was being over sensitive and precious, what possible harm could come from just not using the word any more?

[themaltesefalcon]

The only time I'm going to talk about free speech to my children is if it comes up in the context of your right to critisise your government without being chucked into prison and tortured for it

Oh the irony. At that point, your ability to talk about free speech will have long flown away.

People "whining" about fundamental freedoms has got us to a reasonably advanced point, compared with a couple of hundred years ago. Let's not regress.

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

TMF you sound like you read the Daily Mail and nod along with them sagely. WHO has mentioned anything about writing anything down at all?

I can't really believe that you just used Hitler as an analogy for trying to crack down on homophobic comments, when he was actually responsible for the deaths of thousands of gay people who were gassed and shot in the Holocaust. My ironyometer hasn't buckled so hard under the strain since I last heard the phrase "feminist witch hunt".

[Lilka]

Why do you want the freedom to hurt people?

Speech is an action. Do you also want the freedom of action to hit strangers in the face as long as you don't cause any physical injury to them, just like words don't cause physical injury, bruising or anything else? What's the actual difference in the end?

[Lilka]

Anyway, I wholly support the campaign. I think there are quite a lot of kids out there who are kind and empathetic and who don't know that saying 'that's so gay' is an insult, especially if they have parents who don't want them to know that gay people exist A bit of education might make a difference. Of couse, use of 'that's so gay' will die out naturally in the end, but only after continueing to cause a lot of hurt, so trying to speed along the process of killing it is a very positive message to send out.

[TheRealYellowWiggle]

I teach, but thankfully not in the land of Hope and glory.
Schools probably monitor racist, homophobic incidents etc. That is a good thing. It does not label the child who said it for life, as you are trying to suggest.

[themaltesefalcon]

TMF you sound like you read the Daily Mail and nod along with them sagely

Amazing! You couldn't be wrong-er. But it's amazing what that attempted slur says about you.

I'd love to know when the defence of fundamental rights became a "right-wing" concern in the minds of the middle-class. I think of it as a genuine leftie concern. But since I almost never stumble across genuine left-wingers on this site, I know I'm not onto a winner here.

Off to bed to try and dream up another utopia. Feeling very glad tonight that our family has moved away from Britain. 'Night, folks.