anyone english with a bengali husband?

[3kidsisquiteenuff]

hi just wanting to chat with any other mums with mixed race kids and all the challenges it brings

[brummiegal]

hi
recently broke up with my bengali partner of 13 years.we have 3 kids and last year found out he bought a wife over from bangladesh and had a daughter with her..gave him an ultimatum of divorcing her or leaving me.he kept me going for a year saying that he was going to sort things out and never did.i finally kicked him out.i know he wasnt seeing her or his daughter in the time i found out.just doubting i made the right decision or should i have given him more time.think that his family had a big part in this as his mums a widow so needed a slave etc.i think the culture difference is too much sometimes.

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

wow brummie, so sorry to hear that. i dont know the full situation but there is a whole lot of deceit there so on the surface seems like the right decision. was he born and brought up here... or did he come over later... as i think the mindset is quite different.

[candyfluff]

oh no brummie thats the pitts
i couldnt forgive that
do the kids still see their dad?
are your childern muslim or are you
i never converted as im an athiest
the culture difference is very hard to deal with
many times we have nearly split up over it
they feel alot of pressure from their families.

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

I am actually muslim anyway, but still find the cultural differences huge and the family issues are def the hardest.

[brummiegal]

no i am not a muslim and he never asked me to convert.he still wants to raise kids as muslim though which i never had a problem with.he was born in bangladesh but came to england when he was 9.at the moment he still sees the kids but it seems he can't make up his mind which way to go.i think he wants to be with me as he is not happy with his wife but doesnt want to divorce her ie keep both of us.i have heard that some women put up with this and share a husband.i don't know if this is the case with anyone on here.his dad had 3 wives.

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

would you be prepared to do that tho brummiegirl. islamically if he does that then he would have to treat you both equally and tbh i dont actually think very many men in this day and age can do that.

this must be so difficult for you... do you have family and friends around to support you.

[brummiegal]

no way would i put up with sharing a man even though i know he would find it impossible to spend any time with her.he didn't see her or his daughter for 8 months because of me.i just know that if he doesn't divorce her she will wait for him forever because she waited 7 years for him to bring her here from bangladesh.i dont have any family support but i do have a few good friends.he is saying now that he wants to "talk" but he still hasn't talked to her or his family about divorcing her.i think he wants me back but unless he divorces her i will stay as i am.

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

i hope it all works out brummiegirl... sounds like an awful position to be in.

[suMadre]

im close..irish wth a benglali husband!hes been here since he was a toddler but still some "issues" with his family altho Iwas muslim bfre Imet DH and get on well with his mum.Married3yrs,1 ds and one mre on the way....

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

hi suMadre. Been a bit quiet on her.e

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

bumping

[Roann100]

Message deleted

[mum2zak]

cant belive how many of you are out there, im white british and hubby is bengali although he was born here. we been together since 98 and got married in 2003, we never told his family until i was 6 month pregnant with our first child...lol!! i am a convert to islam (but converted before we married so not for him) his dad is very strict and controlling but finally gave in when he met his grandson a week old, although i dont live with them i do spend a lot of time there and get on with everyone (except fil) but find cultural differences really difficult sometimes, especially as im very strong minded and dont like being told what to do!! i too dont mind not understanding the language as i find ignorence is definatly bliss when they are all having an argument

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

Hey mumtoZak....

No one has been around here for a while. Where are you based?

[elyssesmom]

Hi, I'm American married to a Bangladeshi. We have one daughter, just 9 months. All of my experiences with his family and in Bangladesh have been wonderful. I've been to Bangladesh three times already, and everyone was very hospitable. Every single family I visited made sure that I had plenty to eat, that I was physically comfortable, and that I was enjoying my time. Even in the villages, where the people are really poor, they made sure that I was well taken care of. My in laws aren't rich people either, so it wasn't a matter of being treated well because I was married into a wealthy family. As for myself, I don't really speak much Bangla, but most of his family speaks English so it wasn't an issue. Although, I do really hope that my daughter will learn enough so that she can enjoy all the conversations. I'm a rather quiet person, so I just sit back and enjoy eating the delicious food whenever there's a conversation in Bengali going on around me. My MIL is a very educated woman, and doesn't expect me to be subservient to my husband in any way. I'm also a convert to Islam, and don't really have the same outlook on Islam that many of you unfortunately seem to have because of your personal situations. Maybe that's because I've spent the time learning about it for myself, rather than letting other people dictate to me what Islam is. Just as a good majority of Christians in the western world don't investigate their own religion because they were 'born' into it, so it is also true for many Muslims in muslim majority countries. We all have differences, but as adults it is our responsibilty to our children to teach them how to deal with these differences in the best manner. If a marriage isn't working out, it's not because your husband is Bangladeshi, it's because you're just not the right match for each other, or because you haven't hit upon the proper way to communciate with each other. Yes, cultural differences can be a hurtle, but they can also be a huge blessing.

[Orissiah]

I'm Bengali and my DH is white and my 19MO DD is half and half ;-) But my family are Hindu and not very religious; his family are Jewish/Methodist mix but not very religious so we've had NO problems at all being "mixed race" couple and family. No problems here in North London either. I feel very lucky now that I've seen this thread!

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

Hi.... I am in North London too, Camden. Interesting to meet to meet Bengali Hindus... I mean I knew there were Hindu Bengalis.

Anyway... I digress. How do you reconcile all the backgrounds then?

[dina75]

Hi there,
I'm (Brit born) Bengali with a British husband. I left my family in lieu of a forced marriage overseas. I met my husband 2 years later and we have been together for 12 years, married for 8 years. I miss my mum so much, espcially since I became a mum in 2006. That said, I know I made the right decision. I know how hard it can be in a Bengali family, trying to keep your individualism. It's a large part of why I left them all behind. I have no regrets and am fortunate enough to enjoy a lovely life.

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

dina - that is a sad story but I am glad you stand by your decision and think it was the right thing.

[Orissiah]

MixedMama, I have only now just seen your question about reconciling all the backgrounds! Our motley family seems to work out fine - nothing to reconcile at all really. I go to Church and also celebrate the Hindu puja season and Christmas and Jewish holidays. We do it all!!! My DD will grow up thinking having multiple identities is all normal (as I did) :-) But we are lucky in that no member of our mixed family (whether Jewish or Hindu or Catholic, English or Bengali) are closed minded.

[Orissiah]

By the way, there are large Bengali Hindu communities all the UK, especially in London. We all come out during Puja season :-)

[MyCatJeremy]

Is there any chance that you will ever reconcile dina75?

My husband is british bangladeshi we have 2 sons.

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

Good to see this thread again.

Our problem is the clsed mindedness of the people arpound us. But over the years we are getting there to a place that works for our family unit irrespective.

[mrniceguy]

hiya everyone, this might sound odd but its the other way round for me actually lol.
im a british bengali (muslim) and fed up of having an bengali partner, i've been interested in having a partner of a different ethnicity ever since one of my bengali friends had a son with his white partner and his relationship is still going strong. ive thought about it alot and wouldn't mind getting to know someone of different ethnicity (just not bengali at the moment!!!!)
anyone know of anyone interested in finding a asian muslim partner feel free to recommend me!

[Halzer]

Um...so your only criteria is that she must be white? Sorry its very naive to think that you will have a strong relationship if you find a 'white woman'.
If you really want to find a partnet of any race, get out and start dating.