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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Friend's insensitivity...am I overreacting

31 replies

ooooopsupsideyahead · 15/09/2017 22:57

i had a miscarriage a week ago. I had a terrible time with a failed medical management and a hemorrhage and I was rushed into hospital.

I had considered keeping it to myself (and my DH and close family) but on the day I had the medical management (prior to the hemorrhage obviously) I decided to text my friends and let them know what had happened because after discussion with my DH I realised that if they ever went through this then I would be able to help them.

Cue lots of sympathetic texts etc and then I hemoraged later that night and all hell broke loose.

Anyway, one of the girls texted me the next day along the lines of "oh dear what a shame. Btw I'm pregnant"

I still can't get my head around this. In my darkest hour she thought this was appropriate.

I'm just feeling awful about it. I think from
Her due date she was about 7 weeks when she texted me.

OP posts:

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ooooopsupsideyahead · 16/09/2017 12:33

Surely a bit of self reflection would make you think before sending a text? My decision is made to cut her off. I just can't quite fathom it though. I've wondered if I ruined her pregnancy announcement and perhaps this was annoyance on her part. I'll never know.

OP posts:

SandSnakeOfDorne · 16/09/2017 11:19

I suspect from her point of view she was saying, 'I am pregnant and not the right person to support you through a miscarriage at the minute'. And she forgot to think about how that might come across to you, i.e. As completely bloody awful.

ooooopsupsideyahead · 16/09/2017 11:10

I just can't understand why, while I was physically still miscarrying, she thought it was appropriate. At 7 weeks pregnant you'd think she would be keeping it to herself for a few more weeks and not rubbing it in my face

OP posts:

TheBrilloPad · 16/09/2017 11:04

Cut her off.

I had a miscarriage that went on for over a month & ended in surgery. It was my second miscarriage and floored me something close to depression. A few weeks after one of my very best friends sent me a snapchat of her positive pregnancy test with an "eeeeeek!" and an excited emoji. It was like a kick in the gut. She's otherwise lovely and wonderful and thoughtful, so I had to just move past it, but I couldn't fathom why some people can be so crass and insensitive. I guess if you haven't ever been through loss you just wouldn't understand.

SleepFreeZone · 16/09/2017 10:34

Hideous 😞 I've had a few well intentioned misplaced comments from friends. But I know they were genuinely well intentioned so I wasn't offended.

This reminds me a little bit of a miscarriage thread on here years ago where we were all supporting each other and I had just found out I had miscarried. I posted on the thread and then got a PM commiserating and excitedly telling me she was pregnant. Her pregnancy went ahead and I had to endure a further 2 miscarriages before I was lucky enough to find a good egg. All I can remember was I was parked up in Sainsbury's car park ramming cake into my mouth to try and block out the pain. Of course then I felt like a total failure on 2 counts instead of one 😬

I'm one week on now from TFMR. I was 17 weeks and had to push for surgical. If I try again though and I miscarry I am bracing myself for my first medical management. I think you are incredibly brave OP and im so sorry youve had to go through a loss and the associated physical and mental pain 💐💐💐

EEandEmakes3 · 16/09/2017 10:32

I cut off a supposed best friend after she insisted on sending me multiple photos of positive pregnancy tests when I had a loss. I was happy for her, but to receive endless pics made me realise she had no tact.

Cut her off and concentrate on looking after yourself, you'll come through this

georgedawes · 16/09/2017 10:27

Sorry for your loss. What a horrible 'friend'. I'd cut her off too.

AntiHop · 16/09/2017 10:24

She's not your friend. I'd never speak to her again.

PurpleDaisies · 16/09/2017 10:22

I get that she wanted to tell you first to give you chance to come to terms with the news, but it was the way she did it that was totally out of order.

ooooopsupsideyahead · 16/09/2017 10:20

It has transpired that I was the first person she told and has only told the rest of the friendship group in the last couple of days.

I truly don't understand it.

OP posts:

SparklyMagpie · 16/09/2017 10:19

Also, I'm so sorry for your loss

SparklyMagpie · 16/09/2017 10:19

I actually can't believe a so called friend would do this

Good for you OP for deleting her out of your life.

I can't even begin to imagine how I'd feel having someone text me that

SparklyMagpie · 16/09/2017 10:18

I actually can't believe a so called friend would do this

Good for you OP for deleting her out of your life.

I can't even begin to imagine how I'd feel having someone text me that

cushioncovers · 16/09/2017 10:18

Don't respond and start to distance yourself and cut her out. She isn't a true friend. You aren't obligated to be friends with her. Sorry for your loss

JigglyTuff · 16/09/2017 10:15

I cut off two 'friends' when they sat me down in a pre-planned meeting a couple of months after my miscarriage to tell me they thought that I was wallowing and it was about time I got over it

I haven't missed them because I realised they'd been a hugely toxic part of my life for a long time.

I'm so sorry for your loss

VioletCharlotte · 16/09/2017 10:13

What an arsehole. I think maybe say nothing for now as you're probably still ultra sensitive and not in the right place. But when you're feeling a bit stronger, I do think you should say something and explain how she made you feel. Was it a group message? If so I'm surprise one of the other girls didn't say anything.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've experienced miscarriage and know how you must be feeling

KarateKitten · 16/09/2017 10:09

I would have texted back. 'Congratulations but do you really think this is the best time for that announcement'.

Butterymuffin · 16/09/2017 10:09

Incredibly crass. Yes, block her.

ooooopsupsideyahead · 16/09/2017 10:07

She seemed to think she had been doing me a favour by telling me and she had to get it off her chest. Like I said, she has form for being like this although never on his scale.

I've cut her off and won't be replying.

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FilledSoda · 16/09/2017 09:15

Jesus !!!
There are no words

physicskate · 16/09/2017 09:12

I would never ever speak to or respond to anything that non-human ever said or did again.

Does she have a medical condition like asbergers to help explain this??

I am so sorry for what you're going through.

Cupoteap · 16/09/2017 08:35

What a bitch

ooooopsupsideyahead · 16/09/2017 08:12

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks she's a complete dick.

OP posts:

SandSnakeOfDorne · 16/09/2017 06:45

That's genuinely terrible. I don't think she's someone I'd want to keep contact with. Im sorry for your loss.

diodati · 16/09/2017 03:59

No, you're not overreacting at all. Said friend is either stupid or incredibly unkind. Get rid!

So sorry for your loss. x

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