How much do your children see their Dad, if at all?

[wombat2]

Sorry if this has been done before, but I couldn't find a recent thread on it. Just wondering what the average amount of contact, if any, people's kids have with their Dads?
eg
none
after school/evenings during the week
weekends only
every other weekend
during school holidays eg for a week

The above are all options I have heard of but I am wondering what is average? (My dp seems to think my ex does next to nothing, but maybe it is normal!)
TIA

[mistressmiggins]

new BF
he is lovely and has custody of a 9 yr DD
he is away skiing at mo with DD & txts me at every opportunity & always asks after my children

met by accident - maybe fate

[Surfermum]

Lovely news . So maybe you'll be joining us on the step-mums threads soon!

[Vindaloo]

DDs (2.10 yrs) dad has washed his hands off her - his choice. He saw her maybe 3 times, last time when she was 8 months. Basically he said he couldnt handle it, even though I was prepared to be flexible with access for dds sake. Hes now remarried to a younger woman and now has a new daughter.

I do feel sad for dd but sometimes these things are the best. I dread the day he may decide to see dd again - I dont know how I would react.

[lou33]

my ex has a baby on the way too with his new gf

[Vindaloo]

Its wierd but when I found out that my ex was going to be a dad again, i was really hoping it would be a son and then maybe (stupid I know) he might feel something for my dd. But now he has his new dd he really couldnt care less.

[Vindaloo]

Its wierd but when I found out that my ex was going to be a dad again, i was really hoping it would be a son and then maybe (stupid I know) he might feel something for my dd. But now he has his new dd he really couldnt care less.

[lou33]

mine is just making a car crash of his life, he only knew her 5mins and she is 21 yrs younger than him

strangely he got angry with me for breaking the news to my kids about the half sibling on its way, he seemed to think it should have been a secret to them as "they have gone through enough recently"

stupid arse he is

[EllieK]

my ex is really good, he's a bit immature in his attitude sometimes (more 17 than 27!) but generally he's a star.
he used to have ds (now 3) for 4 hours on a wednesday night and then 4 hours on a sunday but since starting a new job further away and ds getting older, he now has him straight from nursery on a friday, takes him to soccatots on a saturday am, then goes to play footie himself after lunch, takes ds with him and i meet him there to look after ds.
he lives with his parents so is pretty accomodating, i'm going to stay with dp for the weekend at end of jan and we're off to butlins for a long weekend at end of feb. both times ds will go to daddy from friday to monday.
we saw him tonight too, ds had a moment earlier and burst into tears telling me he'd lost his daddy! ex does salsa dancng with his new gf on a tuesday so i called him and then took ds to see daddy before the class started. ds thinks gf is fab too which really helps!

am aware just how lucky we have it, dp has children from his marriage but his ex is awful, he had to go to court to get access and she makes it as difficult as she can, when he rang on dsd's birthday he was told she was out, then called later to be told she was in bed. next time he saw dsd she had no idea he'd tried to call, his ex had let dsd think her daddy didn't care!

[nappyaddict]

not at all, never has (unless you count bumping into him coming out of a lift at the local shopping centre - cue him running off as fast as possible) and probably never will

[nightowl]

dd's dad: has never met her.

ds's dad: when he's single comes here once a week for a couple of hours to ignore his son and watch my tv. when he has a partner, ds is lucky to get a phone call.

[nappyaddict]

nightowl how old is your dd?

i am really worried not knowing his dad will really affect ds and it would be good to hear other peoples experiences.

[mamama]

Well, was once or twice a week if that until exH decided he might want custody - since then he's been visiting almost every day

Won't have much contact with DS in the future due to distance & I hate the idea of DS growing up without a dad, but I'm sure it'll be ok

[nightowl]

she's three nappyaddict, how old is your little one? i dont know about the dad thing..dd seems a bit confused about it at the moment..im not really doing all that well working out how to approach the issue.

[nappyaddict]

only 6 months but i'm dreading the issue arising. i know once he goes to nursery he will start asking why so and so has a mummy and a daddy and he just has a mummy.

[Judy1234]

Never contacts the older 3. Sees the youngest for 2 hours on a Sunday afternoon. Never once had them to stay in 4 years. (Pays nothing too and got a lot of money on the divorce). The proposals to impose community service orders on parents who flout contact orders, men and women, will help in due course with some people.

[mosschops30]

ex didnt see dd for 8 years (his choice) applied for a contact order. We eventually agreed on one day a month

[clothears]

My daughters 'father' saw her when she was first born and then has seen her about 6 times in 3 years. He never offers to take her out. DD is unaware that she has a half brother and half sister and thats how he wants to keep it to save disrupting the other childrens lives (which I do understand). I wish he did more but because he has his other children every other weekend etc he never has any time to have DD.
I view it as a bonus because I get ALL the cuddles and the bond between us is wonderful.
But I guess if he did more I would get a break, so.....

[EllieK]

nappyaddict don't worry about the going to nursery thing, my ds has never seen it as a problem that he only has a mummy, and he's definitely not the only one there with just a mummy!

[nappyaddict]

but your ds knows he does have a daddy and who he is, he just doesn't live with him. my ds doesn't actually have a daddy (well obviously he does) but not one he would know or ha e ever met.

[EllieK]

don't worry hun x they are very adaptable, my ds is best friends with a little boy with 'no daddy', they just accept that everyone has different families. it's not til much older (like after starting big school) that they start to question it, by which time they are old enough to have it explained.

Whatever background they come from, children always think they're different,
i'm eldest of 4 children, aged 5 my little bro asked my mum who was his other daddy cos all his friends lived with their mummy and 'another daddy'

[Bekks]

DD (3) goes to her dad's two or three nights a week, which sometimes includes 24 hours at the weekend. We are quite flexible about it depending on what else is going on. We will probably have to have a more formal agreement when she goes to school though, involving him coming here instead a night or two a week - I really miss her when she's not here though even though it's nice to have some time and flexibility for work.

[climbingrosie]

napyaddict - I sympathis with your conserns as I had them too before DS went to nursery. He doesn't know his dad and has never had him in his life, most of his friends have dads, even those he knew before nursery, but he has never asked me where his dad is or why he doesn't have a daddy.

I've talked quite a lot about how all families are different and how he has granny and grandad, aunties, uncles atc, and that other children might not have uncles or aunties or a mummy (e.g Nemo in finding Nemo) or a daddy, so I think he just thinks some kids have them, some don't. It's not like he's the only child at nursery with a single parent.

Today he said " X has a daddy" and I said something like "really?" "Yes, some children have daddies and Y has a granny" then he said "I have you mummy". It was quite a normal conversation, just stating facts rather than sounding like he felt his family was incomplete.

I hope this helps nappyaddict, just talk to him lots about the special people in his life without drawing attention to the missing dad bit, what he grows up with is what he will think is normal.

[sniff]

once a month for the weekend we live in north west he lives in Birmingham i have to drop ds1 down there as well

[mogs0]

Agree with the last post.

My ds (4yrs) has never met his Dad. When he was just 3 I heard him tell his friend that he doesn't have a Daddy. I felt bad because he does have one, he just isn't in our lives. Also, a year ago a close family friend died leaving behind his 3 dd's. I had to explain to him that the girls' daddy had died etc. He then started telling people that HIS daddy was dead. I've tried to explain in a simple way that he does have a daddy, we just don't see him.

I used to really worry about what or how I'd tell him about his dad but so far I think I've dealt with it ok. I think if you can be as honest as poss then you won't go far wrong.