How much do your children see their Dad, if at all?

[wombat2]

Sorry if this has been done before, but I couldn't find a recent thread on it. Just wondering what the average amount of contact, if any, people's kids have with their Dads?
eg
none
after school/evenings during the week
weekends only
every other weekend
during school holidays eg for a week

The above are all options I have heard of but I am wondering what is average? (My dp seems to think my ex does next to nothing, but maybe it is normal!)
TIA

[littlerach]

I have 2 stepchildren and they live about 90 miles away. the youngest has quite severe SN, so does make it difficult.
They are invited to stay here every other weekend, but usually ask DH to go and visit them instead, as they like him to see what they do or to watch their football teams.
I do try and get them to stay here on birthdays etc. Otherwise it feels that they don't know me, or the girls, that well.
But it is hard with dss as he really doesn't feel comfortable heer with his needs.
Before they moved away dh saw them every weekend, and they'd usually come here, and afetr school once a week.

[Hillary]

Yep tell me about it! He doesent even know that she survived! I would never let him see her, He doesnt deserve it!

[brandy7]

god what an arsehole hillary

[Hillary]

My XP hasn't seen DD1 for over a year and when DD2 was born and in ITU fighting for her life he told me to get on with it!

[brandy7]

nooka, thats awful for shared care on a year on/off basis! wouldnt agree to that at all, strange for your ex to suggest it. why doesnt he just stay in the UK if hes that devoted to them. poor you,what a worry

[nooka]

My ex and I have a shared care arrangement, so I have them from after school on Wednesday through to Saturday night, and he has them Saturday night (Sunday morning every other week) to Wednesday morning. We share child care too, so it's as simple for the kids as possible. Holidays we work out who can take the time, so it's fairly flexible (I have more annual leave so I probably have them for longer on the whole). This works well, I was hoping it would be a temporary measure and we'd work things out, but I also had a long term view that it would be like Anniemac's set up and that that would be OK too. Unfortunately my ex now wants to emigrate to Canada and has this weird idea that we can go on sharing care, just with years rather than days. I don't know quite how we're going to work that one out, and now rather wish that I had them most of the time because it's scary to think that they could end up in another country and not with me at all.

[tommysmama]

My ex sees picks up our DS every tuesday after his work and drops him off again on Thursday teatime. He works shifts, so comes round to my house every day when he has finished work before DS bedtime to see him and often will give him his bath and put him to bed.

For Christmas, he takes DS Christmas Eve and after chursh on Chriastmas morning brings him back to my house for Christmas say. Then on boxing day he takes him to see his parents (they live abroad) for a few days.

For Ds birthday, we spend the day together, and usually he will fly him over to see his family for a few days around the time.

He also flies him over to see his family every couple of months for a week or so.

I feel very lucky after reading some of these posts!

[ScoobyDooooo]

We see dss (dp's son) every school holiday & if dp has few days off work we go to see him, he lives about 200 miles away, sometimes its less sometimes it's more, we take him on holiday with us too, wish we could see him more but with him in school & d working wha with the distance it is not possible.

[youfillmylittleworldrightup]

Is the other way round here - I'm a fella - but once a week, most weeks. Is quite enough for all concerned and never been any problems.

[madamez]

Oh, er, almost feel embarrassed to be so lucky. DS dad comes over Wednesday nights and babysits so I can go to my dance class, and always does at least part of the weekend - varying according to what I need to do (ie if I am going out Friday or Saturday night). The only reason DS doesn't go off to stay with his dad is that DS is only 2 and his dad lives miles away, on the 5th floor with no lift and alarming steep staircase and flat full of kid-unfriendly stuff.
Maybe it's because DS dad and I are longstanding drinking pals who happened to get careless one night (hence DS) rather than a couple who had a break up. Well, we were once a couple, but that was about 18 years ago.
Mind you, DS dad currently joining dating sites like mad. On one hand am saying "Really? How interesting! Best of luck" - on other hand, fret about possibly losing free babysitter...

[bluejelly]

So many sad stories on here. My ex is bloody unreliable, supposed to have my dd every other weekend overnight, but often messes me ( and her) around and refuses to stick to a regular arrangment. I feel like telling him to sod off but then she wouldn't see her dad at all
It's so hard and I have no answers

[QueenofTarts]

Message deleted

[hoolagirl]

My DS is 2 now.
I do have a partner who has been there just before DS turned 1 and he is a great father figure.

[brandy7]

nappyaddict,

my ds was fine until he met his father briefly when he was 8. only lasted a few months then after all the chasing i did to get ex to see ds , he dropped him like a ton of bricks. the real damage came out with ds within the last year or so. hes having counselling to try and allow him to talk about his father without getting incredibly angry

i wish i had never hassled him about seeing ds, i really thought it was the right thing to do for my son but its screwed him up.he would have been better off never meeting him. his father is now living in uk and working in newzealand on the sly whilst claiming benefits.i asked at xmas if ds could at least write to him, he said he'd think about it and never got in touch.

fgs what is there to think about

[nappyaddict]

how old are you dc hoolagirl and brandy?

a lot of you have said how it doesn't seem to affect younger children, but i imagine say in the teen years it could become more of an issue to "go off the rails" as it were. my cousin didn't know who her dad was til she was about 12 and shes really messed p - although that could have something to do with her alcoholic mother.

[brandy7]

my eldest at 12 was ok about not seeing/having dad when he was younger but now it is truly feckin his head up

[hoolagirl]

My ex has never seen DS.
Not once in his whole life

[buktus]

dh hasnt seen his daughter for over 7 years since she was one week old, the ex prefers it this way

[mogs0]

Ooops, I took too long replying!!

I mean I agree to climbingrosie's post!!

[mogs0]

Agree with the last post.

My ds (4yrs) has never met his Dad. When he was just 3 I heard him tell his friend that he doesn't have a Daddy. I felt bad because he does have one, he just isn't in our lives. Also, a year ago a close family friend died leaving behind his 3 dd's. I had to explain to him that the girls' daddy had died etc. He then started telling people that HIS daddy was dead. I've tried to explain in a simple way that he does have a daddy, we just don't see him.

I used to really worry about what or how I'd tell him about his dad but so far I think I've dealt with it ok. I think if you can be as honest as poss then you won't go far wrong.

[sniff]

once a month for the weekend we live in north west he lives in Birmingham i have to drop ds1 down there as well

[climbingrosie]

napyaddict - I sympathis with your conserns as I had them too before DS went to nursery. He doesn't know his dad and has never had him in his life, most of his friends have dads, even those he knew before nursery, but he has never asked me where his dad is or why he doesn't have a daddy.

I've talked quite a lot about how all families are different and how he has granny and grandad, aunties, uncles atc, and that other children might not have uncles or aunties or a mummy (e.g Nemo in finding Nemo) or a daddy, so I think he just thinks some kids have them, some don't. It's not like he's the only child at nursery with a single parent.

Today he said " X has a daddy" and I said something like "really?" "Yes, some children have daddies and Y has a granny" then he said "I have you mummy". It was quite a normal conversation, just stating facts rather than sounding like he felt his family was incomplete.

I hope this helps nappyaddict, just talk to him lots about the special people in his life without drawing attention to the missing dad bit, what he grows up with is what he will think is normal.

[Bekks]

DD (3) goes to her dad's two or three nights a week, which sometimes includes 24 hours at the weekend. We are quite flexible about it depending on what else is going on. We will probably have to have a more formal agreement when she goes to school though, involving him coming here instead a night or two a week - I really miss her when she's not here though even though it's nice to have some time and flexibility for work.