Long travel home with small DCs - how do you do it?

[BertieBotts]

We have just returned from a completely exhausting trip with small DC (3.9 and 10 months, plus a teenager) and thinking there must be a better way to do it. It's the first time we've been home in 3 years and we've only had one younger child with us before (DS1 or DS2). DH has to do all the driving as I do not have a driving licence.

We drove through the night on the way there starting at 9pm, arriving approx 9:30am, but then couldn't get into our accommodation until 3pm. We don't have family we can stay with or family who will look after DC etc (and DC were too wired/clingy/don't know them, anyway) or even look after us by sorting beds/food etc, so by the time we even got to the accommodation both DH and I were struggling to string a sentence together, and by the time we'd sorted bedrooms and dinner it was 5-6pm and then we adults hadn't yet eaten, so we didn't get to bed until about 8-9pm - awake approx 36h by this point. In previous trips we have had DS2 age 4/13 months and DS1 age 10+ or DS1 on his own age 5-10, so we've been able to tag team rest a bit, but DS2 was so utterly hyped from the moment we started packing that we couldn't take our eyes off him and couldn't easily handle him and the baby so both needed to be awake. I don't know if this is just a 2-5yo thing or a two small children thing.

Next day DS2 woke up at 5am so we were still exhausted. For the rest of the trip we didn't really have a chance to relax or tag team and I didn't get a chance to look around shops the whole time we were there (hugely disappointing!!)

On the way home we got up at 2:30 to leave at 4am so had around 4-5 hours' sleep, albeit punctuated by children waking up, and got home at 9pm, and this journey was SO much better, for me at least, although it was harder with the children in the second half, as they were awake and bored/annoying each other instead of sleeping. The journey takes 5 hours longer on the way back partly due to time differences (2 hours - one hour gained on way there, one lost on way back) but mostly (3 hours) due to traffic, we got stuck in M25 jam from 6-8am and Brussels ring road from 3-5pm. The following day was a write off but I feel basically normal the day after whereas the journey there was so exhausting I felt like I was walking around in a bubble the whole time we were there.

Anyway. Is this just what it's like or are there better ways? Other friends who travel home seem to have time/energy/organisation to make trips to supermarkets and pick up requests for multiple people or fill their car with squash and Bisto etc whereas it felt like we were just doing random survival quick, chuck any kind of calorie we can get into the kids right now into the trolley. No chance for using brain to shop.

[fiveminutebreak]

Driving all that way sounds a headache.....if you need the car I would perhaps spilt up. So one parent and older DC do the long drive and the other parent and younger DC fly and this way it would be easier to stick to the kids' routine plus you could plan to arrive in time to get into the accommodation.. and maybe the ones in car don't have to do the over night drive?

Have just done a long over night drive so I know how it can wipe out the next day or more through tiredness.

Hopefully that way you'd have more energy for the rest of the trip. And then can do the tag team for shopping etc.

I think a long drive like that with very small kids is best avoided!

[MamanDeChoix]

I only have the one child, but have regularly travelled long distances with 3 or 4.

I refuse, unless for the purposes of catching a flight or ferry/euro tunnel, to leave home before 4am.

It means running on no sleep, the first 2 days are wiped out, the fraught nerves and arguments the children have.

I also time trips to include planned stop off points at reasonable times, so if a long journey would make sure that we wouldn't be more than 2 hours before could get into accommodation for example, and if did arrive that much earlier would the better do a supermarket shop.

I also have activity books in the car only so that they haven't been overused in the house.

For very long journeys, I have let them have their tablets or ipads. It's about survival.

Drinks and snacks, in abundance, each child has their own so no arguing.

With older children I've given them the job of navigating from a road map, even though haven't needed them to, it's just given them a purpose.

Better journeys are possible.

[KarrotKake]

Not helpful, but I used to get to my parents, and collapse into bed while Mum looked after the kids for a few hours. DS is the only one of us who functions on 3 hours sleep in 36 hours. We had no choice on times, as the flight left at midnight or 2am, depending on if we transited in Europe or the ME. I'd have really struggled without a proper couple of hours sleep on arrival. But generally travelling, with unlimited screens, and a decent running around break in the middle, during day-ish time, is best for the adults.

Could you suck up the cost of an extra night in the accommodation - so have it available from Saturday 3pm, but not arrive until Sunday 10am?

[RaspberryParfait]

We’re pretty experienced at driving long distance with DC in Europe and the US/Canada but I would struggle with driving that distance with two DC of those ages! We started driving to DH’s country (approx 30 hours drive) when our youngest (twins) at the time were 7. We then had DC4 and did the trip with him when he’d just turned 2. The others were 14, 10 and 10 so easier to manage. DC4 was good as gold luckily.

We leave at about 7-8pm and drive through the night for the first night to get past Frankfurt before traffic hits in the morning. Check into a hotel early afternoon and start again at 4-5am Always try to sleep before we leave home but I rarely can and feel horrific by lunchtime. Luckily DH can and won’t let me drive on the other side of the Eurotunnel anyway!

In your situation with your travelling distance, I’d be leaving no earlier than 5-6am. Even if traffic stretches the 12 hour trip to 16/17 hours, you’re still going to get there before midnight, won’t be totally zombified having slept the night before and can start the next day relatively fresh so it’s only 1 day written off.

[BertieBotts]

I think we thought about one parent flying and one doing car before but this just seemed completely nuts to me - maybe not so?

It would likely be difficult to get to and from the airports without a car, though. Although I suppose I wouldn't need to carry any luggage.

[Ladiz]

Where do you live? We did lots of driving with small kids via the Tunnel and ferries from the Netherlands to various parts of the UK. Overnight ferries are the best! Late night driving was always good for empty roads and sleeping children. Better than a very early start for me.

However I would never go for 2 nights only - just not worth it. Get them to come to you!

[Ylvamoon]

STOP! We have done the odd 14hour + drive with small DC.
We always take regular breaks and let DC run around... Google service stations that are child friendly or if the weather is fine, the ones with a travel lodge (in uk) have a grass area at the back & is reasonably safe for DC to let off steam.
Also always budget for an overnight stay to break up the journey. Granted its not always sweet dreams with exited, over tired DC but just the fact to be out of the car and having a rest is worth the extra cost in time & money.
At your destination, again, find a playground or field nearby for DC to have some fun without being told off every 2 minutes. I find DC are always better behaved if you mix "unrestricted play" with restrictive activities like shopping.
If you integrate the "here you behave and here you can be free" into home lip, it will be a lot easier on holidays.

[Aroundtheworldin80moves]

We used to use the overnight ferry routes lime Hull-Rottadam or to Harwich.

[AnotherEmma]

We avoid driving, as a rule.
Our preference both before and since having kids has always been to get the train.
It helps that we only need to get 3 trains with minimal distance between stations.
It's less tiring than driving, the kids can move around, eat, toilet/nappy change on train.
It's also faster even with the changes and waiting (Eurostar/TGV obviously much faster than we can drive).

We did have to drive recently - last minute short trip for a funeral and train was ridiculously expensive. We shared the driving (can you learn to drive for the future?) We took the ferry rather than Eurotunnel - it takes longer but it's more of a break for everyone. And to break up the long drive we factored in a nice stop for the kids. It was exhausting but ok.

It sounds as if your drive is further, though. If train is not an option, why not fly and hire a car at the other end?

It helps if you have friends you can stay with or visit while there, especially if they have kids and toys! If the kids play with each other you can relax a bit more.

The self catering bit is hard, having to make their beds and cook. I fantasise about aparthotels with room service. We do use Deliveroo when we're there as it makes things slightly easier if we're exhausted after the journey or just after a long day.

It used to be so much easier when we could stay with DH's parents and they looked after us all. Food and beds ready, even did our laundry while we were there. It was so relaxing. Complex reasons we can't do it any more but I'm sad and miss the ease and simplicity of it (in terms of practicalities... the rest is a different story!)

Anyway. I think travelling with kids is always hard but there are some things you can do to make it easier. Hope you can find some time for yourself next time.

[DelurkingAJ]

We have done SE UK to South of France a few times in the car. We usually have a cheap hotel and break the journey. We did once get north of Lyon by 3pm and cancelled the hotels and got home by 2am. One of us sleeps whilst the other drives. The DC have DVDs on in the back with headphones. We stop regularly to run around for 20 minutes and queue for the loos.

So IF the baby would sleep and the others watch DVDs then I would do that. Given you can’t drive I’d break the journey in both directions if possible. You don’t have friends in a handy spot? We’d happily give friends bed space and tell them where everything was for breakfast so they could make an early escape!

[kateandme]

Driving has always suited us best tbh.and always set off early as can be possible so that the kids get in and to sleep.if not a bribe of a McDonald's breakie and hour in helps! And or pack bacon butties and picnic.
If long distance staying somewhere a night or two in between the final destination.so in France to travel down we stopped in Brittany then the Loire to get down.
I think like with most things it takes practice and routine.the next time wasn't so hard and then they quickly learnt the exciting routine of it.ao much so wheb we then diverted it was like " what!!!this is how we do thing"

[MissedItByThisMuch]

I would either break the journey out - and time it so you can check straight into your hotel when you arrive, or if you’d rather do it in one and funds allow book the night before at your destination hotel so you can check straight in there however early you arrive.

[PrisonerofZeroCovid]

On the way there I think I'd have either (1) left at 6am and arrived at 6pm - waiting around all day for the accommodation must have been hellish, or, (2) if you can afford to, book an extra night so you can check straight in.

But honestly I'd question if I'd spend time visiting family who won't give me any help with the kids. Young children are tiring , especially if you have two that don't sleep brilliantly, and the only way it will be relaxing is if you can get a bit of help. Tell them next year you/re going somewhere with free flow cocktails and a kids club.

[Dizzyhedgehog]

We tend to drive...well, I tend to drive because DH doesn't...
Not sure where your starting point is but yes, Brussels is pain a lot of the time. We take the tunnel because it doesnt take as long. We usually split our journey into two parts and stop for the night either in Belgium or in Folkestone, depending on when we are able to set off. I try to find places which are a bit further out or have a playground. Gives us the chance to just rest, relax or go for a walk after the trip. We then have a nice breakfast in the morning and are usually ready for the second stretch.
It's cheaper than flying in our case...and we get to take stuff with us.

[BertieBotts]

Oh sorry, I tried to reply to some of you the other day and then the site crashed and then I forgot about it!

I want to visit family, even though they can't really help. It's not selfishness on their part, more health related and they can't put us up due to lack of space, which again isn't selfishness, it's just that they don't have very much money. DH is definitely angling for the all inclusive with kids' club though! It's definitely in the plans but I think I'll need to go back to work to afford it all.

It's tricky, I think we were incredibly lucky to get the opportunity to live abroad but we kind of did it by the skin of our teeth because we wanted to for the experience whereas for most people it seems to be more of a move dictated by their skills being in demand so highly paid jobs. Doing any of this (splitting drive + flight, stopping overnight, booking an extra night, using channel tunnel) all seems to add cost. Although thinking about it we arrived at the ferry this time and they told us we'd booked the wrong day and of course we paid the €87 to change it, because we were already there. In reality I don't think some of these options would cost much more than that, and we did absorb the cost.

But in general, I think leaving after at least half a night's sleep is going to be key.

We do actually have friends in Brussels! At least, I do. DH doesn't know them but I bet they would put us up for a night. I'd love to catch up with them too. I'll ask next time.

[MotherOfCrocodiles]

Sounds similar to a trip we do regularly with similar aged dc. We leave early afternoon so the younger kids can hopefully nap in the car (and have been out at daycare while we pack). We get through the 3h on this side with nap tv and snacks, have a break on the crossing and a run around at the seaside in northern France before bed. Then put the kids to bed in the car and drive on til about 2am to get there.

On the way back those timings don't work so we do the whole things in kids awake time but break it up with a stop at soft play in Belgium and another stop for dinner on the uk side- the last bit always feels very long for the kids.

[BertieBotts]

Ooh what's the soft play in Belgium please? That sounds like a great stop but I've never found anything like that over here.

[MotherOfCrocodiles]

Play beach in Ghent is just off the motorway so very convenient.

[MotherOfCrocodiles]

Although if you pass Brussels it is not en route for you I guess. Google "binnenspieltuin" for more options....!

[SherryPalmer]

We also used to get the Holland Harwich overnight ferry when travelling Germany-UK. I even did it on my own with three small kids. It breaks up the driving into two manageable chunks and I found the kids (and therefore, I) usually slept really well on the ferry.

[BettieSpaghetti]

Honestly we wouldn't drive unless we absolutely had to move a lot of stuff between countries. We are lucky in that we have an airport relatively near though. Our boys are older now, but even so I can't imagine driving for that distance so hats off to you for that!

[TheBikiniExpert]

Where are you driving from? We have always driven from Italy to the UK since the kids were babies but there is no way I would do it without a stop (done it pre kids and that was hard enough). Yes, it costs a bit more but I don't think it's safe to drive so sleep deprived and we can usually find last minute offers in France.

[TheBikiniExpert]

When the kids were little we used to stop off at IKEA for their meatballs and softplay (although not sure if they have reopened after covid).

[Yodaisawally]

We used
To do a 14/15 hour journey regularly. Load the kids into the car at 430am, drive to tunnel, they'd be awake for this but because they knew something was going on. Out of the tunnel and they'd sleep for a good stretch. Only stopped when really necessary, never at a service station unless for fuel but used the Aires in France so they could get some air and exercise and the dog could have a wee. Always packed picnic breakfast and lunch, lots of snacks, trail mix was good as took a long time to eat and could give it in small ziplock bags.

Sticker books were good when they were young.

We'd get to destination for dinner and either family would be there ready to feed the kids
Or I'd take a meal with us, frozen chilli / curry etc that would defrost by the time
We arrived.

They are (including the dog) the best travellers and love a road trip.