Family visit guilt trip

[Brandnewbrighttomorrow]

My SIL and family have lived overseas for the last 5 years, we have been to visit them at least once each year and have made seeing them our main holiday at Easter for the past two years - we stay for a week in the house next door to theirs. They come back once a year in the summer but for the second time they've chosen to come during our term time so our two eldest will still be in school (their schools break up sooner)

They will be here for a fortnight and have said they will come to us for one weekend. I know that they have other people to see but they are only here once a year and I just feel so sad that we won't see more of them, especially for the children - we have 5dc's between us, the eldest four are all the same sort of ages and just adore each other. I've asked if they could base themselves from ours for more of the time but they have booked very day out to see other people ahead of us even finding out they're coming. We don't get to reciprocate being hosts and I'm starting to feel that we can't impose on them by going out there for a week again next year - which means we'll see even less of them :-(

Anyone else in a similar situation? Any ways you've found around these difficulties would be so gratefully received...

[doradoo]

BTW - we're only in Europe too and most of our family are in SE Uk but it doesn't make it any easier!

[Portofino]

You know, I would hate to have free flights offered - and hence have my holiday time dictated. Does that sound awful? And like I said earlier, they only have to mention on FB that they will be in xx on xx and all of a sudden....

I love my family, I love my friends - I truly WANT to see more of them. But I also need time for me, time for dh, time for dd, and our family holiday is when that happens. We are always so busy.

[madwomanintheattic]

Depending on where they are in Europe, it's reasonably easy to drive for long weekends and stuff. Not so much fun for kids, but as I singly I would do it at least one weekend a month. Drive overnight Friday, leave Sunday morning to be back in time for work on Monday. (the other way, but it can't be that different).

Most expats have indeed gone for (theoretical) good. I assume the poster meant 'if' you were living in the uk again. I don't think any of us thought they were planning on moving back to the uk.

It does happen though. We have friends with Canadian Citizenship who had been here for ten years who decided to go back. You just never know, which is why you have to make the most of whatever you are doing at the time. Life's too short.

[Windandsand]

I agree with the posts here , it's hard to fit people in - could you offer to have their dcs for a couple of nights while they travel round? Your ail probably feels guilty enough - and the gp won't be around forever. I expect she has pressure from her family as well as her husbands...

[Portofino]

Every month madwoman?! In theory we live close enough to do that. But the reality is, dd has classes and parties and play dates, we have housey stuff and shopping, the traffic is bloody awful here on a Friday night, and dh doesn't like staying in other people's houses....

[madwomanintheattic]

That's why I mentioned it was trickier with kids, lol. As a singly, it was dead easy. Once babies were involved, I flew more.

That said, we used to drive from freaking Glasgow to the south of England for the weekend.

I can safely say that there are only so many times you can sing old macfreakingdonald before your head explodes. Far safer to leave at bedtime and retire to bed when you get there, leaving the offspring various (refreshed as they've been akip for the duration) in the tender care of whichever replies you fetch up at.

I think I was more suggesting the op does it towards the mainland... I try my damnedest to keep stuff to the week. It never works.

[Sunnydelight]

A weekend with one family out of a fortnight's holiday sounds quite reasonable tbh, especially as you've already seen them this year. I flew back from Oz to visit my elderly father last year and ended up with 24 hours in the city where DH's brother, wife and two kids live. Thing is, it's also where a few of my closest girlfriends live. I knew if I contacted my SIL she would assume I would want to spend the whole time with her and the kids, in reality it would have been nice to pop in for an hour but I really wanted to see my friends so I didn't tell them I was coming. It's just impossible to keep everyone happy.

[mummytime]

FIL is only 150 miles away but we only get to see him about 3 times a year. We have a lot of commitments at weekends.

[AdoraBell]

You do sound lovely Brand but I'm not sure your SIL has deliberately engineered her holiday to avoid you in terms of school terms. I have had so many visits back to UK hijacked by my ILs, meaning I didn't get to see family and friends, that I hardly ever visit now. OH goes and sees his family and explains that it's term time here so that's why he's on his own.

I agree with the idea of explaining how you feel in terms of returning the hospitality, just take care not to make her feel pressured.

[pippop1]

How about the OP offering to host and organise a weekend party for the visiting relatives. Anyone who wants to see them should come to the party. It could be a drop-in kind of thing, say 3pm to 11pm with tea and cake on offer all day.

That way the relatives get to see everyone (that is interested in making some effort to see them) and the OP can spend some quality time after the party with her visitors. You could even ask the guests to the party (not the overseas relatives) to bring a cake/plate of sandwhiches as the SIL will not be able to take anything much back in her luggage anyway.