Legal protection for unmarried SAHMs

[lilyaldrin]

Basically, what do I need to do to confer the same financial/legal protection as marriage would?

We have joint children and although we don't currently own property together, we hope to in the next few years.

First thing I'm tackling is wills leaving everything to each other. What next?

[friday16]

And since these vague half-baked ideas of changing the cohabitation rules have been being discussed by vague governments

No they haven't, or at least not seriously. It's never got to the stage of a green, never mind a white, paper, has it?

The problems with re-working cohabitation rules are cohabitation covers a multitude of, er, sins. There are people who, for all sorts of reasons, want to live together without creating an obligation to each other. I'm old enough to remember that being precisely the argument against marriage in the early 1980s when I knew people who noisily asserted they would never marry and then in every case did, about a year or so prior to having a late, only child. Would they have marriage rights and obligations forced upon them? There would be massive definitional problems that would leave a lot of people out in the cold: what's the definition of cohabitation? For how long? Do children change it? And so on.

The CofE has no political force over this; they were completely unable to even put up a token resistance against same-sex marriage, and they have been forced into a humiliating climb-down over women bishops because the government essentially threatened to go no-contact with them. Any system of according rights to couples that cohabit would require some sort of registration phase from which rights accrue. We have that: it's called a marriage. Providing for refuseniks who think they're making a point by not marrying is so low down on the government's list you'd need the Hubble Space Telescope to even see it.

I have put off my decision to get married and am now 10 years further down the line with 10 years less pension rights.

Your choice, and no-one else's fault.

[SatinSandals]

People make such huge assumptions- I lose track of the number of times people say 'it is just a piece of paper'- you hope they don't get to a position where 'the shit hits the fan' because then they will know that it is far more!

[passedgo]

But there have over the past 10 years been lots of discussions (in the media anyway) about issues such as contact rights to fathers, pension rights to partners etc, maintenance payments, enough in the media to make me believe that something might change to bring this aspect of law into the modern world.

Looks like we will have to get married then...

[SatinSandals]

You don't have to have a 'wedding' to get married. I know a couple without children, she is a lawyer, and they just met at the registry office at lunch time, took a couple of work colleagues to be witnesses and went back to work.

[TessDurbeyfield]

The Church of England supported the Law Commission's proposals to give greater rights to cohabitants. If you are interested you can read their response from this link here. That is not at all the reason for inaction. The reason for inaction is that it is too much of a political risk to be seen to be 'undermining marriage' and so complicated that it requires careful solutions so it has been shelved.

[ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO]

I get the impression its the op who has the assests and not her Dp

[Nyssalina]

I've just been chatting to my mum about this thread and she told me a rather scary story. One of her good friend's sisters was recently hospitalised in the end stages of alcoholism, which is pretty tragic in itself. She had been with her partner for over 20 years and they have a daughter who is just 20. At the point of no return, the decision about life support being turned off needed to be made, and the hospital rang the 20yr old daughter to make the decision, as she was the official next of kin I suppose they could have avoided this with a medical LPoA...?

[QuintessentialShadows]

What good does it do to your children if you leave everything to each other, and he then later marries, have new children? His new partner and children will share your property with your kids. Heck, he may not even leave the property to your kids at all!

If you have chosen to have children together, and buy property together, it is odd not to get married. It is legal protection for you both and your children. Why not just pop down to the register office and get it sorted, seeing as you are already committed with kids and property plans?

I also suggest you find a job.

[QuintessentialShadows]

Oh, you are protecting yourself by NOT choosing marriage?

[IrnBruTheNoo]

DH and I got married for legal reasons, not for romantic ones (unlike most couples). We did it because we wanted a family and made sure that legally all was above board should anything happen to either of us in the future. We did not want complications for the DC. Thinking waaaaaay ahead....

[lilyaldrin]

I don't have any assets and would be quite happy to get married.

[Squiffyagain]

So, what's stopping you?

[sashh]

passedgo

Did you just propose?

[IrnBruTheNoo]

Marriage doesn't have to be romantic, as others have already pointed out, you can just get it done in your lunch break (it really is a quick ceremony).

[Bragadocia]

As a few people have mentioned the Widowed Parents Allowance, it's just worth noting that the govt are getting rid of the current system in 2016, so it won't be worth nearly as much in future for new claimants.
mumsnet thread
Telegraph

[IrnBruTheNoo]

What? You mean I got married all for nothing if DH pops his clogs?

[FeisMom]

But your DP doesn't presumably?

I suggest that you show him this thread and let him think about the vulnerable position that you are being put in. Any decent man would not want his partner and children to be protected.

[IrnBruTheNoo]

lol @ chunderella - I was being light hearted too in my previous post.

[FrequentFlyerRandomDent]

I am sorry. If you and your partner are ready to raise children, buy together and spend £££ on solicitor contracts to ensure you both have a level of protection similar to what marriage provides, you may as well get married.

If your families are the issue, do not tell them.

Although reading this thread, I wonder if the only reason is not fear of divorce costs.

[girlynut]

DP and I chose not to get married. We own property together and have young children. We took the following steps -

House is owned as joint tenants so that it will go to the survivor upon death. Joint bank account will also pass to survivor. Individual assets are left to each other in mirror wills (less than Nil rate band of £325k so no inheritance tax to pay)

Lasting PoAs if we become incapcitated and Living Wills if we need each other to make the decision to pull the plug.

Cohabitation Agreement - in case we split we've set out exactly what our intentions are in relation to ownership of the house and other assets, care of the children, etc. We have the same income / capital assets and both work full time so there would be no spousal maintenance.

I guess the only thing we'd lose out on is a widow's pension and they're ending soon anyway.

[QuintessentialShadows]

So your dp does not want to get married.

But he wants you to stay home and look after house and his kids, while he works and get on with his career?

He does not want you to have any rights, or the legal protection marriage offers you and his kids.

Get a job. Dont be a sahm. You are leaving yourself extremely vulnerable.