45, ttc, desperate

[FlamingoPip]

I am 45. Met DH late.

Fell pregnant age 44 (just turned) and had a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks (July 2017). Pregnant again Dec 2017 and miscarried in Jan 2018 at around 8 weeks.

Been trying again since then (Feb 2018) to fall pregnant but no luck.

I have had tests which are good for my age. AMH - 6.2, FSH 5.3. But only three follicles when scanned. Number of follicles apparently doesn't fit with AMH and FS level...

I am too old for IVF - very low chance of it working.

Doc said I have better chance of conceiving naturally ("10-15% chance" due to recent-ish pregnancy) - figures plucked out of thin air if you ask me.


Feel ridiculous that when I was younger I had no clue about fertility. Even when started trying didn't really know about ovulation and best times to ttc. Now I am a walking fertility encyclopaedia but I fear it's all too late. So full of regrets.

Just got my period and am again devastated. Will I ever get pregnant and have a baby? The ONLY thing I want.

[Aprilshowersinaugust]

Ttc is very tough - I met my now dh at 42 and had ds at 43. Ttc again at 44, had 3 chemicals and a mmc a week before I was 45. I am now 47 and had no bfp since the last loss. Over 45 my gp I would not carry a healthy baby to term. Lots of women do however and its pot luck imo. Though lots you can do like improve your overall health. Keep fit and eat well, take folic acid.
And try not to let it consume your life.
I know that's hard but enjoy life as you are along the way.
Good luck.

[FlamingoPip]

Thank you so much for your reply April and good wishes. It is totally consuming everything at the moment. I have no energy or enthusiasm for anything else. I hope i will be one of the lucky ones.

[handonhip]

I am aware of almost immediate, successful pregnancy after Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) and progesterone tablets. Healthy baby at nearly 44. A positive attitude (and a doctor with same! ) is v important, I think.

[stubble]

Get to ARGC or the Lister in London. Take their advice.

Then investigate donor egg.

[loveka]

A friend of mine went abroad and had IVF at your age. She was using donor sperm and had VERY low fertility but after a lot of tries she got pregnant. Now 52 and single mother to just 6 year old.

I started trying for a baby the same time as her. I had 2 miscarriages- one at 12 weeks- and never managed to have a child. I didn't want to do IVF.

Would going abroad be an option? Even for one go? Even if you had to remortgage?

I am now totally at peace with having no children. I think I actually have more options open to me in my life than if I had a 7 year old now.

I am giving up work to start a business in another part of the country, which I would never have been able to do. I can take more risks financially .

I really feel for you. I started my perimenopause at 46, so wonder whether your feelings of desperation are your bodys last push for a child? Perimenopause is pretty shit. I don't know whether I could have coped with it with a baby or toddler to look after.

[Persipan]

Honestly, at 45 your best chance is donor eggs. Statistically speaking, the vast majority of your eggs (90% plus) will be chromosomally abnormal, but with donor eggs you completely sidestep that issue.

(Sorry, there's not really a way to say that without making it sound like you're done raddled crone, which you absolutely are not.)

[FlamingoPip]

Loveka - thanks for your reply. Why is going abroad better? I could do it in the UK but its just that there is a low probability that it would work - hence why doc didnt recommend. Not sure that will change abroad.

[FlamingoPip]

Persipan - thanks. You're probably right. But not there in my thinking (yet).

[FlamingoPip]

Hi Stubble, do you have experience of these clinics?

[QueenAravisOfArchenland]

Honestly, at 45 the chances of conceiving and carrying a healthy baby to term with your own eggs, especially as your first, are tiny. The miscarriage rate approaches 80% or more. Yes, it happens, but the odds are hugely against it being you it happens to.

Your best bet is donor eggs. People are suggesting treatment abroad because it is much cheaper to do it abroad.

[FlamingoPip]

Thanks Queen. As I mentioned, not really there in my head yet.

[Quantumblue]

I know someone who conceived at 45 using donor eggs from a clinic in Spain.

[Wheretorun]

In my experience, it's important to optimise your health - iron, vitamins etc. Plus thyroid, which is often suboptimal as we get older. Sometimes the relatively simple measures are overlooked. You just need to give yourself the best chance while being realistic.

[QueenAravisOfArchenland]

It seems like you're really struggling with the psychological aspect right now. Could you afford some counselling with someone who works on infertility? Have you been seen by a fertility clinic who may be able to suggest someone?

[loveka]

I think because you said you were too old for IVF I thought it was a cost thing, as in you are too old for NHS.

[FlamingoPip]

Queen - thanks. I'm sad but I know the reason. I don't need counselling as they won't change the lack of a baby. Someone telling me to basically accept a life without a child will not make me feel better.

[FlamingoPip]

Thanks loveka. I am too old for NHS free treatment but it's more to do with the fact that with my own eggs it's highly improbable that it would work. (More chance - but not much more - trying naturally).

[QueenAravisOfArchenland]

That's not what it would be, but it's up to you. A neutral and supportive space to process your feelings about all your options, including continuing ttc with your own eggs or exploring donor egg IVF, can be very helpful. At worst it's a space where you can scream and cry about the unfairness of it all you want without feeling guilty or judged.

I wish you luck and happiness whatever choice you make.

[stubble]

Yes we used ARGC but the Lister is also very experienced in treating older women. The stats vary massively from clinic to clinic, have a look on the HFEA site, book and do it.

3 kids, all ARGC at 39.

[Aprilshowersinaugust]

Over 40 thinning of the uterine lining is an issue (after egg quality obviously), do some research op, improvements can be made I have read.

[Persipan]

I was actually also going to suggest counselling (with a specialist in infertility), not as 'someone to tell you to accept life without a child' but because you've mentioned you're not there yet in terms of your thinking about donor eggs. That's a totally reasonable and normal position - it took me a good while to come around to the idea, myself! - but counselling might give you a space to explore the idea, work through your thoughts and feelings about it, and see if it's something you'd be interested in considering in the future.

[FlamingoPip]

Handonhip - thank you for your comment, too.

Wheretorun - thanks. Good advice. I am trying to be uber-healthy.

Thanks April - my lining is OK apparently. But will look into ways to improve. Can't hurt anyway!

Queen /Persipam - thank you both. I may look into it counselling. The way you have both explained it makes it sound more useful than I thought.

Persipan - did you use donor eggs?

[FlamingoPip]

Stubble - thank you. Will look into them both x

[Persipan]

I had a couple of unsuccessful rounds of IVF with my eggs, then a couple of miscarriages from home insemination (I'm single). While at the beginning I definitely felt that donor eggs were a step too far, my thinking changed quite a bit over time, so I've now moved on to trying donor eggs - no luck yet but fingers crossed!

[Aprilshowersinaugust]

I forgot to mention I used Conceive Plus on the months I got a bfp which ended up as a chemical sadly.
Never ever noticed ewcm!!
Gave up fizzy pop and ate loads of greens!!