Drinking culture at uni

[seasidequayside]

I know this has been discussed before, but my impression from dd and others who have started at various universities this year & a few last year, is that they are all saying that drinking among students is off the scale. Apparently there are events for non-drinkers, so I'm not really asking about how quieter kids will fare at uni, more about the ones who do want to drink and party, but are under pressure to drink a lot more than is safe or than they might want to.

I'd heard of pre-drinks, but I'd imagined students sitting around chatting and maybe having 3 or 4 drinks before going out, to save money on expensive club drinks. What I'm hearing from dd and others is that students are drinking vodka shots before going out, sometimes 6-8 shots in a short space of time, and in some cases even double that, which already sounds like the kind of level of drinking that could actually be lethal, but then they might be drinking more at a bar or club later on.

Of the students and their parents I know, these are all dcs who have been drinking and partying and learning from experience for the last couple of years and have also had safety & health conversations with parents - so they are not innocent kids going wild for the first time in their lives and not aware of the effects of alcohol.

I'm worried that there is a lot of pressure to drink to unsafe levels and no 'normal' levels of drinking. I think it would be incredibly hard to be an 18 year old living away from home for the first time sitting in a flat kitchen with a bunch of people you are desperately trying to be friends with, and not to just say 'yes' when you know you're beyond your limit. It seems to be the norm to have 10+ drinks per night out, which is dangerous, isn't it - for mental and physical health, safety, bank balance? Or am I just being naive and unrealistic?

[slippyfeet]

I did not go to university, and I was 18 in 2002. Pre drinks were a thing for non university young people then too! I recall my friends and I used to go to the local shop and some nasty Echo Falls rose wine which was 3 bottle for £10. We'd get one of these deals EACH and would drink 2 bottles each before we left the house, saving the next one for the following night. Not week, night. We'd then go out on the town drinking vodka all night long.

It makes me feel a bit sick thinking about it now that I'm a mid thirties mum of two small children who rarely drinks anything at all but my god we had some fun.

We grew out of it! We're all responsible grown ups now who don't drink much, if at all.

[FANTINE2]

My D is at Drama school . The drugs issue is huge. She was at a party recently and was the only person present who did not partake in any of the vast amount of drugs on offer. In her world drugs are everywhere.
She has actually become quite isolated because she doesn't do drugs. She copes well with this, but I actually think it is quite sad.

[HidingInTheKitchen]

Goodness, I think you need to chill. It's a rite of passage. I left uni in 2005 and got absolutely smashed for most of it. I remember arriving late at the student union one night and ordered 8 shots which I drank all in a row to catch up. Educate your child but also let them be and try not to worry too much (I am a parent myself so I know that's harder than it sounds!)

[EdWinchester]

My son has graduated this year. He had only ever drunk at his school leavers' ball, so I was naturally worried about him trying to keep up/making himself ill.

He slotted in ok with no ill-effects. He tells me little but I know there was a lot of binge drinking and associated barfing, staying up all night and some drug-taking, but no worse than me and his dad 30 years ago (probably much less, tbh).

The fact he was nowhere near us helped enormously. You have no choice but to not worry.

[Ginfordinner]

DD is also doing a science course. Her ex BF had low contact hours and went off the rails. He only scraped through to year 2.

[GnomeDePlume]

Low contact hours so they became nocturnal, not sure how many made it to second year.

DD is on a dual science course so has had lots of contact hours from the get go.

[Ginfordinner]

They must have incredible stamina or courses with very low contact hours Gnome

[GnomeDePlume]

For many students this is the first bit of genuine freedom they have had. No parent is going to tell them off. Many will have cash which they can spend as they want for the first time (until it runs out). Unless they tell, their parents wont know that they got hammered or stoned or whatever and spent all their money on takeaway pizza

Most get over the novelty but a few such as DD's flatmates dont stop. I hate to think what their comedown was like over the summer after spending their first year on a total bender.

[Ginfordinner]

There is one non drinker in DD's flat, but that is for religious reasons. He likes clubbing though.

[TheMarzipanDildo]

I’m at university-it’s certainly not like that in this flat!

[Ginfordinner]

Yes, drugs are a worry. DD says that as far as she knows none of the students in her flat take drugs, but one of the girls in the flat opposite is pissing everyone off by her drinking, drug taking and bringing random guys back every night.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Yes prinks are a thing everywhere.

But I think the drug culture is a bigger issue and one that many parents are deeply in the dark about. I think the rise in mental health issues at uni is related too.

I have a DD who suffered massively with anxiety, depression and basically paranoia related to a cannabis habit. Thankfully when she was forced to take a break she realised it was the root cause of her issues and has been fine since.

My kids have friends with more serious drug issues though, including previously “cool” friends who have ended drifting into the very dangerous area of dealing with some nasty people.

[Ginfordinner]

Pre-drinking is very much a thing where DD is. As another PP has said everyone drinks before they go out, then just sticks to water when they go out.

[BubblesBuddy]

Thank you ZandaThePanda! I’m glad we agree.

Yes, it seems to be where you live and who you know OP. We are all different and obviously have differing experiences of friends, but I recognise what you say too.

[seasidequayside]

MrsGrammaticus yes, I know this - I see drug dealing most days when I'm walking the dog or walking around town. Maybe I shouldn't have said I've lead a sheltered life. But, as I've said, it's not everyday low level use that worries me (well, it does, but that's a different topic...). It's the dangerous excesses that really surprises me. I'm well aware of heavy drinking and drug use, just not to that level.

emilylouise55 I hope you're right and there's a lot of exaggeration going on.

You have a weird experience of adult drinking culture bubbles

I disagree. I think bubbles is from a wealthier neighbourhood than me, but heavy-ish drinking is fairly normal among the people I know too: endless fb posts about 'it's wine/prosecco/gin o'clock', lots of booze with meals or any social occasions, birthdays at work and even PTA meetings involve a couple of glasses of prosecco now. I rarely drink, but it does seem to be normal for most people I know to drink at least half a bottle of wine or equivalent most evenings. So maybe if 'normal' drinking has increased, what counts as excessive has also become more extreme than it was a decade or two ago.

[Kuponut]

I'm actually in the current new students group for the university I'm at and the pre-drinks culture is absolutely huge and a complete change from when I was 18 and at uni the first time around. On the other hand there's a hell of a lot more emphasis on safety and getting home safely than there was when I was a young adult as well at least (although most of our campus security guy talk consisted of how traffic cones weren't wizard hats and don't be a prat with shopping trollies...)

[emilylouise55]

Prior to university I never drank (the sum total of my experience with alcohol was half - if that - of a vodka and orange juice on my 18th), but over the course of my uni experience I became a heavy drinker. HOWEVER, I was never pressured to drink and my tolerance increased gradually over four years. Pre-drinking is a thing, but I have never known anyone who would drink that amount of vodka shots prior to a night out, so I believe what you have heard is a little sensationalised. Yes - people do drink 10+ drinks on a night out and I appreciate it's not healthy, but generally people are otherwise sensible (ie surround themselves with trustworthy people and look out for each other). In my experience, you can drink as much or as little as you want and it is up to you to keep within safe margins.

[MrsGrammaticus]

I don't even want to think about drugs. I must lead quite a sheltered life that this is so shocking to me - though talking to parents of my dd's friends, they seem to think the same way
Walk around the back of any pub in virtually any town or village near you( the cigarette / vaping garden) towards 'last orders' time and drugs can normally be procured quickly and easily. Sorry but do wake up. Drugs and heavy drinking are not the preserve of university life!

[ZandathePanda]

Bubbles never thought I would agree with you, but I agree with your last post! Lots of parents and grandparents drink a lot round here and I think there is a cultural pressure.
We have no greengrocers in the nearest small town but do have a wine bar!
I don’t live anywhere near London or the South.

[Trewser]

You have a weird experience of adult drinking culture bubbles

[Needmoresleep]

Bubbles, not something I recognise either. Where on earth do you live? It all sounds very suburban golf club.

Which perhaps proves that either our children are having different experiences. Or that some DC are more shocked than others, as it is not something they have come across before.

[BubblesBuddy]

I agree MouthyHarpybut when parents are urging friends to drink, topping up glasses all the time, opening bottle after bottle of wine, being proud of drinking a lot and generally not seeing pressurising people to drink as a bad thing, how will they teach their children not to pressurise others? It is their culture and even if it not, some DC certainly take getting let of the leash too far! As several of our friends' DC have. The quiet church going ones who you would never have thought would turn into drinkers!

[MouthyHarpy]

I'm worried that there is a lot of pressure to drink to unsafe levels and no 'normal' levels of drinking

Well, for every parent who's worried about their DC being pressured to drink, there's a parent whose DC is doing the pressuring.

So it might be useful for parents to think about hw they talk to their DC about pressuring others ... ?

But you know, speaking as an academic, it mostly calms down, particularly as they run out of cash, and by the 2nd half of term, are in the midst of assessments.

Although every year we tend to have at least one undergrad who is adversely and permanently affected by inappropriate substance abuse of some kind. My university has an alcohol abuse peer mentoring group, facilitated by our university health service. Yet another thing the £9k pa pays for.

[BubblesBuddy]

WispyTurnip: I think as your friends are international you are less likely to get the boasting about drinking. It seems to be a Brit thing. Many people drink the whole bottle after it’s been opened during cooking. That’s why there are health warnings about women drinking too much in middle age. It’s rarely people who are discerning about the quality of wine we find. It’s just drinking cheap plonk. A bit similar to university students. Never mind the quality: what is available for a cheap drink? If alcohol is sold cheap then it’s little wonder it’s consumed to excess.

That’s the other issue for young people Zanda: Making mistakes with whom they associate when drunk.

[ZandathePanda]

Pre- drinks are definitely a thing here. From 15/16 Dd saw friends drink to the point they were getting off with people they wouldn’t have, being sick and not being able to walk. My main concern with them was spirits, gin seemed a favourite particularly, obviously because you can drink large quantities before it hits you.
I think the parents drank more though. Definitely wine/gin countryside round here.