How involved are you?

[Sturmundcalm]

DD will be doing uni applications this yr (although probably won't go for 2 years) and we do talk quite a bit about her plans but I do very little... Partly cause she's looking at options that are beyond my experience and partly because she's v keen on going abroad and I think if that's her hope then she really needs to be v independent.

Am I leaving her to it a bit too much though?? Don't want to disadvantage her by not getting involved!! She is v driven and does seem to be on top of it all.

[kittykittykitty5]

I do open days as I think mine are a little bit green when it comes to knowing what to look at. DD2 was more interested in the rugby team than the Halls tour frankly. However, I did one visit with my eldest and he literally hated it on arrival. The faculty lecture was quite interesting but the location (city centre) was not for him.

So, it taught me a huge lesson, so when DD1 started looking prior to arriving at the open days we have a quick look at the city centre and nearest supermarket etc,.

We are now looking at unis for DS2, just booked our open days and prebooking rail tickets this week.

[dylexicdementor11]

You should really get more involved if she wants to go to MIT. It's not just about filling out forms and doing well on the SATs. Which most US students would be tutored for.

She would need to show that she is the kind of student MIT wants. Her extracurricular activities would need to be suitable for the schools profile.

If she is not a US citizen, you really need to be more proactive. And consider how you will afford sending her to a US school.

I suspect that most US teens with MIT aspirations have parents/schools that are actively involved in their prep.

[Grausse]

My DC got no help at school with PS. My only input was in also in helping to trim down the finished product to the requisite number of words. 1970s O level English Precis came in handy .

[hellsbells99]

Bomb, I was thinking the same thing!
I helped my DDs when they asked for help, I helped 'crop' their personal statements and proof read them, I took them for open days if they weren't going with friends and I took them to interviews. I enjoyed my 'away days'!

[GinandJag]

OP, for US universities, check out the financial aid process. When I last looked at this for DS1, they took the numbers from your US tax return. That was fine for us as we are US taxpayers, and the relevant numbers became very low as allowances for living overseas were taken off first.

[sassymuffin]

Bomb DD did go to grammar, fair point!

[Bomb]

DD went to uni last September, I had zero input into form filling and her personal statement and wasn't allowed to see it until it had been submitted, I did keep an eye on deadlines but DD was on top of things

Let me guess, did your DD go to a private school or a grammar? If so then the schools tend to give the kids plenty of advice. I was shocked at how little help my DC received at their non selective state school -

My DC who applied for medicine had no help or advice at all with his PS and didn't have things such as interview practice - It didn't matter as my kids sorted things out for themselves but they asked me for help from time to time.

[sassymuffin]

DD went to uni last September, I had zero input into form filling and her personal statement and wasn't allowed to see it until it had been submitted, I did keep an eye on deadlines but DD was on top of things.

DD did ask for advice regarding university choices together we came up with the idea of one "dream", three top 25 and one choice that she felt she could safely achieve admission criteria. DD trawled through online info and prospectuses then picked several to visit then made her final list herself

Our main input was regards to money and how much we could afford to financially support her.

We provided transport to some interviews and open days as it was cheaper as DP gets unlimited petrol allowance with his job. For other open days DD went with friends looking at similar courses.

I am a bit of a internet forager so If I come across any useful information or work experience opportunities relevant to DD I forward them on to her and what she does with it is up to her.

[goingmadinthecountry]

Be generally supportive. No help with personal statement (never saw them) or university choices. Drove to a couple of open days (or rather, they did on non motorways to practise driving). Didn't loiter. First time I saw either city they chose was when dds moved in. I expected them to choose RG or similar and they did.

I pay for accommodation.

[Sturmundcalm]

MIT is needs blind so less total cost (low-ish family income) but no scholarships as a result. She's aware of the issue and we've still got time for her to try to find a solution...

[FoggyBottom]

we're happy to support her but we're not going to be able to cover the kinds of fees involved if she goes out of the country

This may be something you or she will need to rethink. Parents are expected to assist with fees in the US. UK/English universities are a bargain by comparison with places such as MIT.

[Sturmundcalm]

Thanks everyone. As a result of eu ref result it is now US unis she's mainly looking at. I have encouraged her to apply to Scottish unis this year so that she has at least gone through that process (and hopefully has a backup as a result).

She's prepping for SATs, going to aim for basic ones in Oct and science in June next year (to fit round her exams and coursework). I'm hoping that will give us a feel for how realistic her v grand plans are!

I will take on board the comments about her school though - they're unlikely to push/support her v much in relation to the level of qualifications she needs and applying to the likes of MIT...

And we have made her aware that getting in is only part of the challenge, we're happy to support her but we're not going to be able to cover the kinds of fees involved if she goes out of the country.

[2016Blyton]

Very wise comment, although of my 3 older children only one had an interview - so that is 1 interview out of 15 universities/applications. I don't think anywhere the younger two are applying to have interviews and they've seen some of the universities because their siblings where there and they visited then.

[bojorojo]

Be careful about u tube if you get interviewed . My DD couldn't visit one university and they picked her up on it at interview when she asked a question : "You would have known that if you had come to an open day". Dreadful comment to make and surely prejudicial for students who live a long way away! If we had known about this, the university would not have made it into the UCAS application at all!

[GinandJag]

I've made sure that all of mine have put a range of universities on their UCAS form - two universities if they nail their predictions, two slightly below, and one backstop. There's no point in putting down five very similar places.

Other than that, it's a case of "mouth shut/wallet open".

Obviously if they were on a disastrous collision course, I would intervene.

[2016Blyton]

It depends on the child. Some have wanted more input than not. They are at very good fee paying schools so even leaving it to the school is fine in their case. The two applying in September have had some chats with me and I have looked at the draft UCAS application. I did also do one check of the older children's UCAS personal statement. I have never been to a unviersity open day but neither have most of my children - they are content with youtube as it involves less time.

[bojorojo]

So we presumably will see a crash in MFL applicants - again? Just when we need those skills most of all. I completely agree that people voting for Brexit did not understand the consequences. We had friends round yesterday and they didn't care about students going abroad as they thought it was akin to a jolly. They are highly educated but are selfish.

[haybott]

There are many great courses at uk universities with a year abroad.

It's far from clear how the financing for these (year spent in Europe) is going to work, as students on the year abroad in Europe are currently also funded under Erasmus. If parents have to pay up front fees for the year abroad, plus living expenses and medical insurance/visa, then the year abroad will be unaffordable for many families.

We're about to start the university application cycle for 2017, for which the year abroad would be 2019/2020 (after we leave the EU). Universities aren't really sure what to say about these courses as we know nothing about what the fees/living expenses/medical insurance/visa status will be. We're expecting a crash in enrolment for such courses.

[FoggyBottom]

We all might like to think that some form of the Erasmus scheme will survive, but if the Brexiteers insist on limiting freedom of movement in Europe, it just won't.

Leave voters will soon need to face facts about what they voted for.

[bojorojo]

Op. As you mention studying abroad , I do think you need to realise this is a very different proposition to studying here. The USA in particular. You can easily familiarise yourself with the system, suitable courses and how young people apply. You don't have to helicopter - I never read my DDs personal statements but I did help them get to open days and sift through possible universities and courses. There is no reason why you cannot take an interest and living away from home is not the same as a parent not taking any interest before they go!

I would like to think some sort of Erasmus will still be available and there are many great courses at uk universities with a year abroad. Best of both worlds !

[lifeisunjust]

My son went to state boarding so it was one of those perks to the boarding fees which have crippled me financially and I ended up paying for the past 2 years (when the other person withdrew all financial support a week before starting). I was very glad to be told to butt out and let my son / school deal with the UCAS stuff.

I did go to an open day but not interview/audition day to what ended up as the firm choice, simply because I was passing by that day and I'd never been to Guildford. I had a feeling it was going to end up as favourite so it was a pre-meditated decision. If I go to any further open days with the younger children, they'll all be for my own selfish reasons of wanting to look around a city I've never visited.

My son did say he saw very few candidates at the auditions without parents and I do hope his lack of parental (interference) was an advantage. He's even already managed himself a part time job offer at his firm choice, all on his own. He's my most "dependent" of the 4 so I was pleased to see him finally making his own decisions without consulting me.

[lifeisunjust]

Haybot, the under 12 month entry clearances are different, it's my job to do them. I could write essays on them, but I'm not going to bore you. Tier 4 general is different to under 12 months - most are STS with no right to work,, visiting academic, too many blooming categories and the post study visas have also just re-appeared, I can hardly keep up with them all myself.

[HugItOut]

It depends on the school, some schools like LifIsUnjusts get involved on your behalf but other schools like my kids school do next to nothing. If your kid is at a halfway decent private school you have effectively contracted out your involvement

It also depends hugely on the child.

I have 4 DC at Uni and unsurprisingly had a completely different experience with each of them.

I didn't attend a single open day with DC1 but every single open day with DC4 - different kids have different preferences. I don't even think it's got much to do with how independent or capable the child is. DC4 is very independent but she wanted my company and feedback on everything
She made her own choices but she liked to chat them over with me. I didn't accompany her to subject talks and things like that but we wandered around the campuses together and chatted things over. She welcomed my feedback as did my other kids when I helped them.

Often it's much, much cheaper and convenient to drive DC to open days and I have found it a great opportunity to hang out with my DC.

I found that it was a much simpler process for my DC with the highest predicted to apply for Uni rather than my DC with more middling predictions. The reason being that the top Unis are all good and you are not going to go far wrong with any of them but with the mid ranking Unis there seemed to be massive differences between the quality of the courses and the Universities.
Also, if you are not going to achieve top grades then it seems even more imperative to box clever and really examine the pros and cons of each Uni.

All my kids have ended up on courses and at Unis that they love.

[Grausse]

As others have said it varies according to the DC.
Some 17 year olds are not only mature but know exactly what they want. Others need help.
DS1 knew exactly what he wanted to do but needed some practical help. He took himself off to open days and summer schools but struggled to deal with people and bureaucracy.
DS2 socially confident but no clue what he wanted to do. I tried to help him make choices that would keep his options open and pushed him into doing lots of open days and visits to explore choices.
You know what's best for your DD.

[Rikkitikkitemper]

What country would she like to go to and what is her nationality? As others have mentioned access to EU universities may become problematic.

However, if she is interested in the US, I would suggest that you get more involved. US universities/colleges select student based on different criteria then do UK universities and I am sure she would need help navigating the system.